Not Going To Qualify

| Arizona, USA | School

Student: “I’d like to know where your study guides are. I’m going to take a test.”

Me: “Sure, which one?”

Student: “The Mensa test. I need to know where your Mensa test study guides are.”

Me: “I’m sorry. They don’t make those.”

Student: “So, will you be getting some in soon?”

Still In The Digital Dark Ages

| Missouri, USA | Technology

Me: “Thanks for calling [ISP]. I’m [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “There’s no light in my castle!”

Me: *confused* “Uh…tell me a little more about the problem. Can you reach any websites?”

Customer: “No! How can I get to a website with no light in my castle?!”

Me: *still confused* “Could you explain…a little further?”

Customer: *becoming irate* “I’ve poked its belly button a bunch of times, but there’s no light in my castle!”

Me: *epiphany* “Oh! The power light on your desktop tower is not lit?”

Customer: “Tower, castle, whatever! How am I supposed to know all this technical stuff?!”

Can’t Get Her Out Of My Head

| London, England, UK | Bizarre

(It’s early in the morning and I’m half asleep. I’ve just stood up and turned around after stacking a shelf when I see a young guy rushing towards me.)

Customer: *grabs me in a tight hug and whispers in my ear* “I’m Hulk Hogan and you’re Kylie Minogue. Who am I?”

Customer’s brother: *out of breath after running behind him* “What have I told you about hugging people!”

Me: “Right, then.”

(I laugh and walk into the stockroom where one of my colleagues is working.)

Me: “The weirdest thing just happened–”

Coworker: “Oh, are you Kylie too?”

Ersatz-Guile Dysfunction

| Pennsylvania, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I work for a bank’s fraud claims department.)

Caller: “I did not do this transaction from [male enhancement supplements company].”

Me: “Sir, I see that the merchant was able to verify your name, full address, and card CVV. Is there anyone else who has access to your card?”

Caller: “This is fraud! I don’t even know who the f*** they are!”

Me: “I understand, but if they have your address, most likely the product was shipped to you.”

Caller: “D*** it. I did it, okay? IT DIDN’T WORK!”

One More Lonely Girl In The World

| USA | Uncategorized

(This happens a couple weeks before Christmas. The mall has a few gift counters that offer free gift wrappings. An old man buys a couple of Justin Bieber CDs from us.)

Me: “Are these a gift? We offer free gift wrapping services over at–”

Old man: *angrily* “Why do you assume I’m giving it someone?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Those CDs are usually more popular with teenage girls.”

Old man: “They’re for me! I do not like this sort of discrimination!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry.”

(He storms out, nearly tripping over his feet on the way out.)

Me: “You okay, sir?”

Old man: “I can walk! Stop discriminating!”

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