This Customer Is Not From Concentrate

, | UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(We have three flavours of slushy in our slushy machine: raspberry, cherry and orange. Raspberry is blue, cherry is pink and orange is obviously orange. Customers usually refer to the slushy they want by the colors.)

Customer: “What flavour is the orange slushy?”

Me: “Orange flavoured.”

Customer: “I know what the color is, I want to know the FLAVOUR.”

Me: “It’s orange flavoured, ma’am, just like the fruit.”

(The customer suddenly starts screaming at me.)

Woman: “WHAT IS THE FLAVOUR! I CAN SEE THE COLOR OF THE D*** THING! WHAT FLAVOUR IS IT?!”

(The customer’s daughter chimes in.)

Customer’s Daughter: “Mum! It’s like orange juice! Chill out!”

Woman: “Orange juice? Jeez, why couldn’t she just tell me that?! Two of those, please!”

(The customer is perfectly pleasant with me for the rest of the transaction, and wanders off with her slushy happily!)

Checking Him In And Checking Her Out

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque

(I work at a hotel that caters to a branch of a hospital. I’m a larger-chested woman, and get frequent sexual harassment from guests.)

Me: “As the hospital pays a portion of your stay, your grand total for the evening will be $44.40.”

Guest: “That’s fine; I’d like to pay in cash.”

Me: “Cash is acceptable, but we do ask that we get a credit card on file.”

Guest: “Why the f*** do you need my credit card?”

Me: “We need a credit card for incidentals or if by chance your stay is extended through the hospital.”

Guest: “What the f*** is an incidental?”

Me: “Incidentals would be damages or possible problems that may arise in the room.”

Guest: “Do I look like I’d cause a f*****g problem?”

Me: “Sir, I do not believe any of my guests would ever cause a problem; it’s just a precaution we must take. Now, I’d also ask that you refrain from using the f-word in the lobby.”

Guest: “Listen, tits—”

Me: “Sir, I kindly ask that you refrain from the vulgarities.”

Guest: “You said I couldn’t say f***. You didn’t say nothin’ about tits!”

Me: “That is a derogatory term in reference to my physical appearance. I will ask that you do not use that type of language in my lobby, or I will be forced to call the hospital and they will move you to a different establishment for the remainder of your stay.”

Guest: “FIRST YOU TELL ME I HAVE TO USE A CREDIT CARD WHEN I F****** SAID I WAS PAYING CASH, AND NOW YOU’RE DENYING MY FREE SPEECH. DO YOU KNOW WHO OUR PRESIDENT IS, WHITE B****?!”

Me: “Sir, I’ve asked you multiple times to correct your language and because of that last comment, you’ve now forced me to call the hospital as you are not welcome at our establishment.”

Guest: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweet-cakes. I was just trying to make you angry. I love the way your boobs bounce when you get flustered and hold back.”

(At that point my manager stepped in and told him to leave without even calling the hospital. Sick or not, no one has an excuse to openly sexually harass someone just trying to do their job.)

Quantifying Stupidity

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(We have several self-checkout machines at our store, which I am in charge of. For certain produce, the machine will ask for a quantity.)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME, MISS!”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “The machine isn’t working!”

(I walk over and notice the machine is asking for a quantity. It says ‘enter the quantity’ both aloud and is also displayed on the screen.)

Me: “Oh, it just wants to know the quantity.”

(The customer stares at me blankly.)

Me: “How many do you have?”

Customer: “Ohhh!”