I Crop Dust Customers

| Right | March 28, 2014

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May The Fleas Of A Thousand Camels…

| Right | March 28, 2014

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Crappy Management

| NV, USA | Right | March 28, 2014

(I work as a cashier. One evening, two customers walk into the store and ask for an exchange. One of the men walks around the store to find what he wants while his friend stays with me. We make small talk while he waits.)

Customer’s Friend: “You’d make a good manager here.”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I don’t have enough experience here.”

Customer’s Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself. You’re a wonderful person.”

Me: “Thank you. But I’ve only worked here for less than a year. I don’t think corporate would let me become a manager yet.”

Customer’s Friend: “Stop that! You can do anything you want.”

(At that moment, the customer’s friend returns to the counter. His friend goes over to the other counter to wait with him as one of my managers processes the return. Just as they’re about to leave…)

Customer’s Friend: “You have to stop being so negative about yourself. It’s not good.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I won’t.”

Customer’s Friend: “I’m serious. Don’t self-defecate!”

Me: “… I won’t, sir. I promise.”

(I had to wait until they left before I could start laughing. I’m sure his intentions were good, and that he meant to say ‘deprecate’, but his small mistake made my night.)

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Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2

| UK | Right | March 28, 2014

(I work in a TV shop. We take calls for sales and tech support.)

Caller: “No. It still won’t work”

Me: “Okay. Try pressing menu.”

Caller: “There is no menu button.”

Me: “Try going to channel 123 and tell me what the screen looks like. You should see the numbers appear in the top right corner.”

Caller: *beep* *beep* *beep*

Caller: “No, still nothing.”

Me: “Just try pressing ‘1.’”

Caller: *beep*

Me: “Um… you’re pressing the numbers on your telephone. You need to press them on your TV remote.”

 

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Orders Can Not Be Made For Bread Alone

| Quezon City, Philippines | Right | March 28, 2014

Me: “Hi. What can I get you today?”

Customer: “Give me a six-inch parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Certainly, and what would you like on that?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You’ve told me what bread and size you want. You still need to tell me what filling you want for your sandwich.”

Customer: “Just the parmesan oregano.”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a kind of bread. What meat or vegetables do you want me to put in it?”

Customer: “Why are you making this difficult?! I just want a six-inch parmesan oregano sandwich!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me make this clear: that is a kind of bread. It is a wheat loaf that has been prepared with parmesan cheese and oregano, the latter of which is an herb. However, there are no additional cheeses or herbs in it to fulfill the definition of ‘sandwich,’ and I have no idea whether we’re even allowed to sell just bread. Now, what filling would you like for your sandwich, which will be made using your chosen six-inch parmesan oregano loaf?”

Customer: “… Oregano isn’t a kind of meat?”

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