Scary Movies

| Bloomington, IN, USA | Right | April 7, 2014

(We have a semi-regular that’s fairly creepy, but always super chatty. One night, as I’m cleaning the popcorn popper, he comes up to concessions without my noticing. One of my coworkers gets my attention and I go to help him.)

Semi-Regular: “I was thinkin’ about scarin’ you, but he got your attention before I decided.”

Me: “Oh, I don’t scare easily.”

Semi-Regular: “Clearly you don’t know me very well.”

He Has Mama Issues

| Stettler, AB, Canada | Right | April 6, 2014

(I’m a fairly new cashier at a popular fast food restaurant. Our burgers have names, like ‘Mama Burger’ or ‘Teen Burger.’)

Customer: *obviously intoxicated* “I want a cheeseburger and I want it hot. I don’t want it sitting in the f******* warmer.”

(As there is no listing for cheeseburger, I automatically change it to a ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

Me: “Of course, sir, that’ll be $7.50.”

(I continue on with my job, cleaning trays and wiping tables, as someone else bags food. After several minutes I notice the customer is still standing there without his food. There is a bag sitting on the counter, and as I check the receipt I notice it is his ‘mama burger’ with cheese.)

Me: “Sir, I believe this is your meal here. Your cheeseburger?”

Customer: “I ORDERED A GODD*** CHEESEBURGER OVER 10 MINUTES AGO! NOT A ‘MAMA BURGER’!”

(As he continues on, my manager steps in and I quietly go hide in the back room and watch and listen.)

Manager: “I’m sorry for the mix up, sir. This is a cheeseburger, but in this restaurant it’s called a—”

Customer: “I DON’T GIVE A D*** WHAT IT’S CALLED. I’VE WAITED OVER 10 MINUTES! THIS IS WHY YOU PEOPLE ONLY MAKE MINIMUM WAGE! ANY MONKEY COULD TAKE YOUR JOBS AND DO BETTER!”

Manager: *calmly* “I’m sorry, sir.”

Customer: *snatches food from counter* “I’M SO MAD, I COULD JUST—” *raises his fist to manager’s face* “I SHOULD BURN THIS BUILDING DOWN ON TOP OF ALL OF YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF S***!”

Manager: “You should not be out drinking and driving. It puts everyone in danger.”

Customer: “I’VE NEVER HAD A SIP OF ALCOHOL IN MY LIFE! NO DRUGS EITHER!”

*storms out with his food*

Next Customer In Line: “That’s a lie. He has had to be removed by police from [Other Fast Food Restaurant] four times. We’re instructed to phone police if he enters the premises.”

Me: *comes out of hiding*

Coworker: “You saw that coming, huh? I was wondering why you were hiding.”

Me: “This job… It gets better, right?”

Coworker: “No.”

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This Friendship Is Fried

| Bowling Green, KY, USA | Right | April 6, 2014

(I approach a table occupied by a young couple.)

Me: “Hello. I’m [My Name] and I’ll be your waitress. Can I get you something to drink?”

Young Man: “Hello. Um, yes.  I’ll have a [Soda Pop] and we’re ready to order, if that’s okay?”

Me: “Certainly, what can I get for you?”

(The young man, polite and well-spoken, places his order and I turned to the vacant eyed young lady with him. All empty smiles and mindless giggles, she inquires…)

Young Lady: “Hee, hee, hee. What’s a kwee-sa-dil-la?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

(She points to the quesadilla plate and I calmly explain the concept to her.)

Young Lady: “Hee hee! Oh, I don’t think I’d like that? What’s chicken ‘friend’ rice?”

(The young man takes on a look of pained embarrassment and I try to spare him by keeping my expression neutral.)

Me: “Its rice that’s been stir fried and had vegetables, egg, and chicken added to it.”

Young Lady: “Tee hee. Oh, so, it has shrimp in it?”

(Young man face palms.)

Me: “We have a shrimp fried rice plate that has shrimp in it.”

Young Lady: “No, no, no. I want that chicken ‘friend’ rice stuff.”

Me: “All right. So chicken fried rice and—”

Young Lady: “And that’s got shrimp, right?”

(Young man drops head to table and tries to disappear.)

Me: “Um, no, it has chicken but I can have them make shrimp fried rice instead.”

Young Lady: “No, no. I want chicken ‘friend’ rice with shrimp, not chicken.”

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A Pint-Sized Understanding

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | April 5, 2014

Customer: “I’ll just take a pint, please.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like a pint of?”

Customer: “I just want a pint.”

Me: “Yes. but what would you like?”

Customer: “I want a pint. You work in a bar. How do you not know what a pint is?”

Me: “Sorry. A pint is a unit of measurement; I am just asking what you would like a pint of.”

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! JUST GIVE ME A PINT!”

Me: “Of course.”

(I got him a pint of water. He was not happy.)

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Lost And Found Rebound

| USA | Right | April 5, 2014

(I work for a section of a resort that plans activities, sells discount cards for certain activities, etc. Our lost and found section is behind our desks, in the break room.)

Customer: “Have you had a brown purse turned in to your lost and found?”

Me: “Give me just one second and I’ll go back and see about that for you!”

Customer: “Can you make it quick? I really don’t have the time.”

(I go back and look for the purse in our lost and found. It is not there.)

Me: “Ma’am, I see no purses back there resembling the one you’ve described. You can fill out a lost item report and someone will call you if the item shows up.”

Customer: “I do not want to fill out a report! This is ridiculous! Let me see if it’s back there!”

(Customer charges back behind the desks, heading straight for me, full-steam ahead.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed back there!”

(A manager sees what’s going on and comes over.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you. If my employee didn’t see your purse back there, it isn’t back there.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! Let me go back there!”

(Customer charges again, only to be held back by my manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, could you give us a better description of the purse?”

Customer: “Oh, my god! It’s brown, and has one strap. It’s Coach. It has an iPhone, a Coach wallet, and a makeup bag inside it!”

Manager: “Does it resemble the purse hanging off your shoulder?”

(Customer looks at her shoulder and her mouth drops open.)

Customer: “You planted it on me while I wasn’t looking! You were going to steal it if I hadn’t come back here!”

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