Animal Attraction

| MO, USA | Pets & Animals, Rude & Risque

(The animal shelter I work at accepts volunteers for work. I am on shift with a volunteer, an attractive lady who is in her 20s. I am male. She is laying on the floor in the office, playing with a puppy while I do some paperwork nearby. The puppy rests his head on her bottom and falls asleep. An elderly patron who often visits the shelter to play with cats walks in.)

Elderly Patron: “What a cute pup! Look where his head is!”

(The patron turns to me and grins.)

Elderly Patron: “Don’t you wish your head was where his is, young man?”

(I almost choke.)

Unfashionably Late

| MD, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

(My store offers fashion shows. It’s the day before an event, and I’m making last minute arrangements when I get paged that someone is there to talk about the show.)

Customer: “I’d like to schedule a fashion show with you guys to support my women’s club.”

Me: “Of course! Let me explain to you quickly what we’ll do for you.”

(I give her a quick rundown of the fashion show program, and what we offer, but she’s tapping her foot and looking at her watch.)

Customer: “I’m REALLY in a rush here; can we hurry it up?”

Me: “Sure! Tell you what, all the information you need is in this packet, and there’s the contracts I will need you to sign. Why don’t you return those to me when you’re able, and we’ll work out a date that isn’t taken?”

Customer: “A date that isn’t taken? I need it NOW!”

Me: “Now?”

Customer: “The event starts in an hour; I just need you to bring the stuff.”

Me: “Ma’am… I schedule fashion shows six months out.”

Customer: “What? You mean that you won’t do it?”

Me: “On this short notice? No.”

Customer: “But I’ve been advertising this for months! We’ve sold over 100 tickets! We have themed the whole event around it!”

Me: “Wait, so you printed invitations and got decorations, but didn’t talk to me until now?”

Customer: “Oh, just grab your models! I don’t have time for this.”

Me: “I don’t just keep the models in the back room!”

Pre-Paying It Forward

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a gas station that with prepay pumps. To be clear, there are pump-toppers on all pre-pay pumps stating so, and huge signs that are about the height of an average person at the end of the pumps. I notice a customer repeatedly trying to pump without paying first, and is getting increasingly angry. I buzz him over the intercom.)

Me: “Sir, that’s a pre-pay pump only. I’ll need you to hang up the handle and pay first. Thank you.”

Customer: “What the f*** is that supposed to mean?!”

Me: “It means those pumps are pre-pay only. Before you can fuel, you have to insert a credit or debit card and select how much you’d like to pump.”

(There’s silence on the line, so I assume that the customer has understood, and is starting the transaction. However, a few minutes later, he comes storming inside looking angry.)

Customer: “You make that pump not pre-whatever the h*** it is!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; it’s locked onto pre-pay. I can’t change it; only the manager can, and he’s not in until tomorrow.”

Customer: “I said change the f****** pump now!”

Me: “I can’t change the pump; I’m sorry. If you continue to make a scene, I’m going to have to ask you to leave, as this is not appropriate.”

Customer: “How about next time you put some f****** signs up, so people know that those are f****** pay first pumps!”

Me: “How about next time you look when you drive in? There are signs the size of me at the end of all the pumps stating whether they’re pre-pay or not.”

(There’s another pause. The customer looks a little astonished and at a loss for what to say.)

Customer: “Well… f*** you!”

(He turns to storm out of the store.)

Me: “And you have a wonderful day, sir!”