No Good Need Goes Unpunished

| Oregon, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(A customer comes into our coffee shop and stares forlornly at the gum on display. She often comes into the shop to get some ice to chew on, but nothing else. Feeling sorry for her, I decide to help her out.)

Me: “Here, let me get that for you.”

(I reach into my tip jar and pay for the gum with my own money.)

Customer: *takes the gum* “So…where’s my change?!”

Me: *speechless*

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Inexorably Inconsiderate

Even The Bank Of Dad Has Gone Under

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Family & Kids, Top

(A dad and his three kids who are all around 7 or 8 years old is my checkout line. He is buying four six packs of tall cans of liquor.)

Me: “That will be $26.”

Dad: “Okay.” *pulls money out of his pockets* “Shoot, I only have $20.”

(He turns to one of his kids.)

Dad: “Yo, lend me six bucks.”

Kid: “S***, get your own money!”

Dad: “Come on, I just need six more dollars.”

Kid: F*** you.”

Dad: “Hey, come on! I’ll pay you back when we get home!”

Kid: *hands him some money and mumbles* “Broke a** motherf***er.”

We Can See Through Your Whine

| Margarita, Venezuela | Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Evening! Welcome to [restaurant]. How can I serve you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t see the Californian wine in the menu.”

Me: “That’s because we don’t have it, miss.”

Customer: “And why is that, exactly? I am a wine lover. The Californian wine is the very best and I only drink the very best.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, because the Californian wine has a very low demand in this country, it is extremely hard to find. We have Chilean and Argentinian wine, if you like.”

Customer: “All right. I guess i’ll have to adjust to your low standards. Give me a bottle of the Chilean.”

Me: “All right, miss. Would you have Cabernet, Malbec, or Carmenerè?”

Customer: “I don’t want any of that! I just want red wine! Is it so hard to understand that?

Me: “All right, ma’am, I’ll bring you the Cabernet then.”

Customer: “I said I don’t want that? I only want red wine! Please get me the manager!”

Woofing Vicariously

| Tennessee, USA | Pets & Animals

(A customer brings in two Chihuahuas for nail trims.)

Customer: “The male will need to be muzzled.”

(The groomer prefers not to muzzle a dog unless absolutely necessary, but gets the correctly-sized muzzle, and put it on the dog as requested. The dog struggles a bit, but is not unduly stressed.)

Customer: *screaming* “Take it off! Take it off! It’s too tight! I’m claustrophobic!”

Jacket Of All Trades

| State College, PA, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(For a small period of time during training for a new job, I worked 2nd shift at a chain hotel, then immediately worked 3rd shift at my new job at a four-star hotel. A guest returns to my desk a few minutes after checking in at the chain hotel.)

Guest: “This hotel is not acceptable! My room looks nothing like I saw on the website! There’s no way I’m staying here!”

Me: “I’m sorry we don’t meet your standards, ma’am. I would be glad to check you out at no fee.”

Guest: “Good! I’m going to find a place to stay that’s actually acceptable!”

(She storms off. Later that evening, I go to my 3rd shift job. All I need to do is put on a suit jacket over the shirt and tie I have on for the 1st job. Skip ahead to about 6:30 AM the next morning. The same guest approaches me at the front desk of the four-star hotel.)

Guest: *without recognizing me* “Checking out.”

Me: “You made the right choice, ma’am.”

Guest: “Excuse me?”

(I open my suit jacket a bit to show her the name tag I still have on underneath, from the first hotel, clearly displaying its logo.)

Me: “I hope everything was better for you here instead, ma’am. I prefer it more, too.”

Guest: *clearly embarrassed* “Oh, yeah, it was. Thanks.”

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