Bucharettuce

| Windsor, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I’m ringing through a customer’s order. I put a romaine lettuce through. The customer points out a price error.)

Customer: “The lettuce is $1.97, not $2.97.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Just to double check–it’s a romaine lettuce you have, right?”

Customer: “No, it’s USA lettuce.”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “It’s USA lettuce.”

Me: “Well, it’s from the USA, but it’s called romaine lettuce.”

Customer: “No, it’s USA lettuce, not Romanian.”

Staff Efforts Are All In Vein

| NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m work with a server who faints around blood. A couple with their young son call the server over. The son has a bad nosebleed.)

Customer: “We need the table wiped.”

Server: “Certainly, sir.”

(The server goes to the kitchen, and I come out to clean up the blood.)

Customer: “Where’s our server!?”

Me: “She can’t handle blood, and asked me to help.”

(The customer begins to use a somewhat angry tone explaining about how he wanted his server to clean it up.)

Me: “She’ll pass out, sir.”

Customer: “You’re just trying to get out of making her do her job!”

(The server then comes out, takes one look at the blood on the table, and passes out on the spot.)

Customer: *shouting* “Now this is ridiculous! Doesn’t anybody want to do their job around here?”

Don’t Knock Exit Doors

| Canada | Top

(A passenger is sitting in the emergency exit row. We’re required by law to brief them on the operation of the window exit. One of the instructions is to ‘throw the exit door out’.)

Me: “Do you have any questions for me on the operation of this door?”

Passenger: “Yes, there’s something I’ve always wondered. When you throw the door out, where does it go?”

Me: “It just goes outside. It doesn’t matter where it ends up. Just throw it out and get out.”

Passenger: “Well, what if it hits somebody?”

Me: “You’d be the first one out, so it’s not going to hit anybody.”

Passenger: “What if there’s some guy hiking?”

Me: “Sir, if there’s some guy hiking where we’ve just crash landed a plane, I’m sure he’s got bigger problems than a door hitting him.”

The Day The Music Died, Part 3

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, do you guys have any really small guitar cases?”

Me: “Not really. We have mandolin cases…maybe a violin case. What kind of guitar is this for?”

Customer: “Oh, it’s not for a guitar. It’s for the recently cremated remains of my father.”

(I try to stop the conversation from going too dark.)

Me: “No, not really. I could phone around. See if another store has something.”

Customer: “That’s great, just as long as it’s cheap.”

Related:
The Day The Music Died

Educational Programs Have Never Been More Needed

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “[Business library], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, so, I want to know about the educational programs you offer.”

Me: “Oh, okay. That’s actually not conducted through the library. I’ll have to find you the phone number for the coordinator.”

(The caller asks a dozen questions about the differences between the programs we offer. I answer the best I can while continuing to tell him I’ll need to have him call a different number. I put him on hold to find the number.)

Me: “Hi, sir. You’re going to have to call this number and speak to the program coordinator.”

Caller: “Fine, okay. What’s the number?”

(I give him the number.)

Caller: “Okay. Transfer me.”

Me: “Actually, I can’t transfer you because they’re in a different building. But if you want to call the number I gave you, they’d be happy to help.”

Caller: “So, you can’t help me?”

Me: “Not with the information you’re looking for.”

Caller: “What are you again?”

Me: “The librarian.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. You need to explain that to me. Can you also tell me about the educational programs you offer?”