I Steal Toilet Paper

| Right | April 2, 2014

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Shouting Out Hot Gas

| North Rhine Westphalia, Germany | Right | April 2, 2014

(Our call centre deals with emergency calls from people who smell gas in their homes.)

Me: “This is [Company]. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “Uhm, yes. I just wanted you to know that it smells strange in my basement. I think it may be gas.”

Me: “Okay. Please give me your address, open all windows, and avoid plugging or unplugging any electronic devices. Our on-call service will be with you within 30 minutes.”

Caller: *gives address* “… Wait, did you said that you will be here in half an hour?”

Me: “Yes, as requested by law.”

Caller: “Wait, no! I can’t stay at home. You need to come later! Can’t I make an appointment?”

Me: “This is an emergency line. Once you reported the incident, we have to act. You can’t leave your house now.”

Caller: “But my son needs to see his music teacher! He’s going to be the next Mozart. You’ll see!”

Me: “Still, you are not allowed to leave. In case you won’t be there, we have to cut your gas line due to secur—”

Caller: “NO! You won’t come NOW! This is your customer’s service?! I will tell all my friends and no one will ever call you again!”

(After that she hung up. Fortunately, the mechanic met her at the door and could check her installation. It was leaky. She still refused to stay, so we shut her down. She wasn’t pleased.)

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A Good Sign

, | San Jose, CA, USA | Right | April 1, 2014

(I pull into a drive-thru for a quick lunch. The cashier greets me and asks for my order, and just as I’m about to give it to her, I notice they have a ‘sorry, cash only’ sign taped up next to the speaker.)

Me: “Yes, I’d like a— Oh, hold on, I just noticed your sign. Let me make sure I actually have cash on me before I order.” *checks wallet*

Cashier: “No, sorry, our card reader’s down— Wait, what? You READ the sign? I’m not sure that’s actually ever happened before!”

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Should Keep Better Account Of Her Account

| SD, USA | Right | April 1, 2014

(I work in a library that offers computer services to patrons. We get a lot of people who don’t know anything about computers.)

Patron: “Can you help me out? The computer won’t let me check my email.”

Me: “Sure. Let’s see what’s wrong.”

(We walk over to her computer.)

Patron: “Now see, I put in my email address and hit enter and it doesn’t sign me in!”

Me: “Well, first of all, you’re on the Google search engine, not an email site. If you have Gmail, then you click on that little button right there that says ‘Gmail’ and then you can enter your email address and password.”

Patron: “I don’t have Gmail. I have Yahoo!”

Me: “So you’re trying to access your Yahoo email through the Google search bar by typing in your email address and hitting enter?”

Patron: “Yes! It won’t let me on! Fix it!”

Me: “Okay, one second.” *types in Yahoo mail into the address bar* “There. Now put in your email address and password and it will sign you in. You need to be on the Yahoo mail site to access your yahoo mail.”

Patron: “Password? I don’t have a password!”

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Should Keep Better Account Of His Account

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Time To Play The Trump Card

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Right | April 1, 2014

(I am at the register at work putting through a sale. The customer’s card has declined twice but instead of getting embarrassed or giving me another card like most people, this guy decides to get angry.)

Customer: “No, I don’t want to use another card!”

Me: “Then how would you like to pay sir? I do accept cash.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Your machine is broken!”

Me: “I assure you it isn’t broken. The person before you paid by card and it went through perfectly.”

Customer: “Then you’re not doing your job!”

Me: *losing the friendly retail face and looking him dead in the eye* “Sir, I’ve worked in retail for 10 years. I have bought goods and services for 15 years. I know how to use an eftpos machine. I cannot be held responsible for your card. Perhaps you should contact your bank on Monday?”

(The customer leaves in a huff after throwing some cash at me.)

Next Person In Line: “Jesus, what was HIS problem? It’s an eftpos machine, not a freakin’ tardis!”

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