Talking To Private Line

| OH, USA | Bizarre, Military

(I am a customer service representative for a big phone company.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Phone Company]! My name is [Name]! Is the phone number you’re calling in reference to [Phone Number]?

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “Great! And how can I assist you today?”

Caller: “I am just calling to warn you. I have an army ready to take down [Phone Company].”

Me: “Uhm… okay. I’m sorry? Is there a problem I can help you resolve?”

Caller: “No! I don’t want your help. I know how you people are. You’re all after one thing. Money. You’ve charged my bill like crazy. ON. PURPOSE. We are going to take you down!”

Me: “I’m sorry that you’re having a billing issue sir. I’m sure I can fix it for you. I’m taking a look at your bill right now—”

Caller: “I don’t want your help! I have friends in the government!”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what the issue is. What can I do to help you?”

Caller: “Tell your boss. And your boss’s boss. I’m going to take you down! You think you can cheat me!?”

Me: “No… sir?”

Caller: *hangs up*

Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 2

| Charleston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a call center for a large car rental company, booking rentals and providing customer service. I’ve been told my voice is very robotic.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #1: “I’d like to book a rental.”

Me: “When and where would you like to pick up your rental?”

Caller #1: “I’d like to speak to a person.”

Me: “Sir, I am a person.”

Caller #1: “No, you’re the answering machine. Connect me to a person.”

Me: “No, sir. I am a real person. My name is [First Name].”

Caller #1: “STOP LYING TO ME, ROBOT!”

(The caller hangs up. Five minutes pass and my next call comes in.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller #2: “Speak to an agent.”

Me: “I am an agent, sir. Would you like to schedule a booking?”

Customer #2: “Oh, wow! You sound exactly like the voice on the menus!”

Related:
Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol 1

Got The Wrong (Hair) Extension

| Australia | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(My salon has had the weeks before Christmas booked out since way back in March. In mid-November, I take a phone call.)

Caller: “I need a booking to get extensions, a full head of foils, and a cut, for Saturday the 21st of December.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have anything for the entire month of December.”

Caller: “Great. So how’s 10 in the morning?”

Me: “I’m really sorry. We just don’t have any appointments in December. The next appointment for what you need is on January 30th.”

Caller: “Listen you stupid little cow. I SAID, the 21st of December, at 10. Grab your little appointment book and book me in with [Name]. I swear, she’s the only competent one of the lot of you!”

Me: “You do realise I’m [Name], right?”