Political (Weather) Front

| The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Politics

(A customer has just bought a paper, and since it’s a quiet day, I make some small talk with him. It is currently very bad weather for the time of the year. It’s cold and very windy.)

Me: “So, did you make it through the storm?”

Customer: “Well, I survived, but it’s so cold!”

Me: “Yeah, I—”

Customer: “I think it’s a conspiracy from the European Union.”

Me: “I’m sorry, how?”

Customer: “The EU is making the weather extra cold, so we use more gas for the heater, and we have higher gas bills.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure the EU doesn’t have the technology to control the weather.”

Customer: “You never know with the EU!”

Me: “But controlling the weather—”

Customer: “You know how they are! For example, now with all the fuss about Cyprus. All they did was spend the same amount of money as Germany, but Germany is fine, and Cyprus is in a crisis!”

Me: “But Germany is a lot bigger than Cyprus.”

Customer: “Yeah, they sure are!”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

Doesn’t Bavaria With Distances

| Berlin, Germany | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

Guest: “Hi. So, I am going to go to see Neuschwanstein the day after tomorrow; I am meeting a friend there.”

(Neuschwanstein Castle is 700 km, around 435 miles or at least a six-hour drive from Berlin. I assume he wants to leave Berlin and stay somewhere in Bavaria close to the castle.)

Me: “Great, they tell me it’s well worth the trip.”

Guest: “That’s what I heard. So, do you reckon I could be back here in time for the pub crawl?”

Me: “Um… no, I don’t think so, unfortunately. It’s 700 km from here.”

Guest: “Yeah. That’s only like 100 miles, right? I got a rental car. And you guys have the Autobahn, after all. I reckon it shouldn’t take me more than an hour one way!”

A Spirited Response

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I am working as a manager/bartender at a local club. It’s fairly slow, and a clearly drunk regular approaches to order.)

Customer: “I’ll get a tall ‘Paralyzer.'”

Me: “Sure thing! That will be $5.75.”

(I proceed to make the drink, take his payment, and continue doing my job. A few minutes later, he returns to the bar with the empty cup.)

Customer: “There was no alcohol in this! Make me another one on the house, you b****!”

Me: “Excuse me? You watched me make it, and drank it all. If you came back after a sip, maybe, but not when it’s empty, dude.”

(The customer’s intoxicated female friend approaches next to him.)

Friend: “You’re full of it. I was the manager here a month ago; you’re new and stupid. You tried to rip him off, so make a new one! F****** stupid w****!”

Me: “Listen up. One, you’re full of it. I’m the manager, and have been for the last year. You’ve never worked here. Second, I know for a fact you do nails for a living. If I had them done, ripped them off, and then said you didn’t do them, would you do them again for free? No. There was alcohol in that drink. Third, call me a f****** name again, and I’ll have you out of here so fast, your four-size-too-small miniskirt might actually squeeze away from your hippo thighs. Now, can I get you anything else, or are you good?”

(The owner laughed so hard she had to run to the bathroom. The customer’s friend ended up with a DUI that night. Talk about Karma!)