A Pal-Tree Understanding Of Plants

| Oakville, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Top

(A customer walks up with a dead, five foot tall maple sapling at the garden center where I work. It has been cut with a handsaw and has obviously been dead for a least three or four months.)

Customer: “I want a refund! You sold me this tree last summer, but in November the leaves all turned yellow, dried out, and fell off. I want a refund!”

Me: “So, in autumn your tree lost its leaves?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Sir, broad leaf trees in Canada like this do lose their leaves in the fall and then grow back in the spring. Your tree was just dormant for the winter.”

Customer: “But after the leaves all fell off, I put it in the garage! Now it’s spring, and the leaves aren’t growing back, so it must be defective. I want a refund NOW!”

Me: “When you put your tree into your garage in the fall, how did you get it in there?”

Customer: “I cut it!”

Me: “So, you cut it down and now you want a refund because it’s dead?”

Customer: “I want to speak to the owner!”

(I call the owner, who is a hard-nosed woman in her sixties.)

Owner: “What seems to be the problem sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, this tree you sold me last year is dead. I want a refund.”

Owner: “Was it alive before you put a saw to it?”

Customer: “Well, it was, and then in November all of the leaves turned yellow and fell off, so I cut it and put it in my garage. Now I want a refund!”

Owner: “Get out of here!”

1 Thumbs
3,052
VOTES

Twinstigating Trouble

| Salem, OR, USA | Bigotry

(My cousin is only six months pregnant, but since she’s having twins, she looks further along than she is. I take her out to lunch one day and this exchange occurs.)

Waiter: “Hi, ladies.” *to my cousin* “Wow, you must be ready to pop any day, huh?”

My Cousin: *laughs* “No, actually, but I’m having twins, so I’m a little bigger than normal.”

Waiter: “Ah, I see. So, what can I get—”

(Suddenly, the customer at the next table rudely interrupts us.)

Rude Customer: “Bulls***! It’s women like you always craving attention that make people hate females!”

Me: *to waiter* “To answer your question, you can get that woman away from us.”

Waiter: “That can be arranged!”

(The customer was kicked out, and we got a discount on our meal!)

Heroic Mums Prefer To Keep Mum

| Australia | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I’m a customer at a local butcher with my mum. An older customer, maybe in his 60s, is giving the employee behind the counter a hard time. He’s patronising her and being all-around unhelpful. It’s obvious the employee is new and, by the way she is talking, appears to have a disability.)

Customer: *jabs a finger at the meat* “No! Not that piece! THAT one!”

(This has been going on for several minutes, and the employee is nearly in tears.)

Customer: *sarcastically* “I’m only trying to help you, love!”

(My mum, who is usually very easy-going, suddenly confronts the customer.)

My Mum: “No, you’re not! You’re being very rude!”

Customer: “Look, I just want my meat! Is that so hard?”

My Mum: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude about it! This poor girl is trying her best!”

Customer: “You can’t talk to me like that! I use to be an officer of the law!”

My Mum: “That’s worse! You should be ashamed of yourself, a man your age behaving like this!”

Customer: “Why don’t you step outside! I’ll have you arrested!”

My Mum: “I’d like to see you try!”

(Seeing that my mum isn’t going to be intimidated or back down, the customer leaves, looking very subdued. My mum quickly orders her meat and leaves before the employee, who is now truly in tears, can thank her properly.)

Me: *as we’re leaving* “Mum, she wanted to thank you.”

My Mum: “Being in one scene was embarrassing enough. I don’t need to be in two, thank-you-very-much!”

It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask, Part 2

| Commerce, TX, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

(A car pulls up to our store. Two teenagers get out while the driver waits inside. I know the second teenager as a petty shoplifter, so I keep a very close eye on them.)

Teenager #1: “I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll need to see a valid, current, driver’s license in order to sell them to you.”

Teenager #1: “Why?”

Me: “Because I need to verify your age. By law, you need to be eighteen or older to purchase tobacco products in this state.”

Teenager #1: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell you the cigarettes, then.”

(The two teenagers leave the store and talk with the driver. They then come back in and resume begging.)

Teenager #1: “Please?”

Me: “No. It’s against the law. I’m not able to do it.”

(They leave to the car and return again.)

Teenager #1: “Okay, I’ve got the license.” *hands me an old learner’s permit*

Me: “I’m afraid I still can’t sell you the cigarettes.”

Teenager #1: “Why not!? I’ve given you the license!”

Me: “It’s still not possible. You see, this is a learner’s permit, not a license. That alone wouldn’t be too bad if you could prove this is your permit. However, this doesn’t have a picture of you on it. But before you go fishing out a student ID or anything like that, I can’t accept this for other reasons. First of all, it has expired. Secondly, it isn’t a license with your picture on it. Lastly, it says you are only seventeen and that you had a birthday last month. You still aren’t eighteen.”

Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, please?”

(The teenagers leave yet again, talk to the driver, and return. This time, they take their begging to another customer who has been filling out paperwork and drinking coffee near the front door.)

Teenager #1: “Sir, could you buy some cigarettes for me? That guy won’t sell them to us.”

Another Customer: “Seriously? You are seriously asking me that?”

Teenager #1: “Well, yeah. He won’t sell them, and we really want them!”

(The other customer looks at them as if they have gone into the Twilight Zone.)

Another Customer: “You want me…”

Teenager #1: “…to buy the cigarettes.”

Another Customer: “Wait a moment. You want ME to buy you cigarettes. He’s already heard you ask me, and by law he can’t sell them to me because he will know that I am buying them for you.”

Teenager #1: “Oh, come on, just buy them, will you?”

Another Customer: “Furthermore, you are asking ME to break the law…”

Teenager #1: “Come on, man… please?”

Another Customer: “…an on duty, fully in-uniform police officer to break the law and buy you cigarettes?”

Teenager #1: “Yeah, please?”

Another Customer: “Think. About. It.”

(Seeing the officer’s answering glare, the teenager and his friend finally decide the game is over. No cigarettes tonight!)

Related:
It Never Hurts To Ask…And Ask…And Ask

1 Thumbs
3,205
VOTES

This Is Lazy, But Here’s The Number, So Help Yourself Maybe

| Maine, USA | Extra Stupid

(I’m with my parents at a large chain hardware store. I’ve wandered off to the garden section and am minding my own business while looking at some potted plants.)

Customer: “Excuse me! How much are the potted plants out front?”

Employee: “I’ll help you out in just one second, okay? I have to unload this pallet right away, but I’ll be right with you.”

Customer: “You’re useless!” *comes up to me* “Excuse me! how much are the potted plants?”

Me: *looks around* “…Me? Oh, I don’t work here. I do believe that man told you he’d be right with you, though.”

Customer: “You work here, I know you do. Don’t lie! You just want to be lazy.”

Me: “No… I don’t work here. Sorry.”

Customer: “You just want to be lazy!” *stomps over to the registers* “Excuse me, but your employees are being lazy and won’t tell me how much the potted plants are.”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, I heard my coworker tell you he’d be right with you, and that girl doesn’t work here.”

Customer: “Sure, she doesn’t! She just wants to be lazy. HOW MUCH ARE THE D*** PLANTS?!”

Employee #2: “Well, which ones?”

Customer: “THE POTTED PLANTS!”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, we have many potted plants here—”

Customer: “THE D*** ONES UP FRONT!”

Employee #2: “Ma’am, there’s a rather large neon yellow sign in front of the rack they’re on. The price is on there.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t someone say so?!”

Page 1,754/3,119First...1,7521,7531,7541,7551,756...Last