No Deposits, Just Withdrawals

| Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Top

(A customer approaches the teller window with a withdrawal ticket.)

Me: “Hi there! Withdrawal today?”

(The customer seems taken aback.)

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “You’re taking out cash, right?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. I thought you knew about my drug problem!”

Treating Workers Like Garbage

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Food & Drink

(I am working the concessions stand when a young woman and her small daughter approach my register.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [theater]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ll take a medium popcorn and drink, please.”

(The customer pays and I hand her the popcorn and drink.)

Customer: “Hey, do you have a trash can back there?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I hold out my hand for the trash, expecting it to be something innocuous.)

Daughter: *spits her gum out in my hand, drool and all*

Hashpocalypse Now

, | Sydney, Australia | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I’m working the breakfast shift when a man comes in with his children who look about 5 or 6. He orders a large amount of food.)

Customer: “And can I get…four hash browns with that?”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I type in the total and show it to him.)

Customer: “What? $4.80? Are you kidding?”

Me: “That’s how much it is.”

Customer: “No way! That’s too expensive! I can’t justify that. Get rid of them!”

(I cancel the last item while the customer continues ranting.)

Customer: “It’s also the fact that they’re just hot oil! I can’t give my kids that poison!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “This whole place is poison! All of it! You know the cancer charities you guys set up? Your food is causing the cancer that those kids are dying from!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “You’re poisoning people! Poisoning my kids! Working here, you kill more people a year than smoking!”

Me: “Really?”

Customer: *mimicking me* “‘Really?’ Why don’t you do some bloody research before you start a job, girl?!”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “This whole place is evil! You should have a freaking skull and crossbones out the front! I can’t justify buying hash browns and poisoning my kids!” *leaves with his kids and his food, minus the evil hash browns*

Notice Of Stupidity

| Lincoln, Nebraska, USA | Money

(I work in a call center for default management prevention for student loans.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, you guys keep saying I’m overdue, but I’ve been making payments. I don’t understand why it keeps saying I’m past due. I’ve made payments every month. Do you see the one I made last week? This better not have hit my credit!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I see the payment was made.”

Customer: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “Your payments regular monthly payments are set $150.00. You’ve only been paying $100.00 each month.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know my payments had gone up?! I didn’t get a notice!”

Me: “Are you getting statements every month?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Are you reading your statements?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

Customer: “I’d like to make my payment now, please.”

Be Careful What You Assk For

| UK | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I want some anus anus.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I want some anus anus!” *points to a bottle of Anais Anais, pronounced “ah-nah-iss”*

Me: “Oh, yes, sorry. That’ll be [price]!”

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