The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 11

| FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a customer at a bookstore. I’m browsing the teen literature section to see what all the hype is over the Twilight series. A nearby customer sees me paging through one of the books and speaks up excitedly.)

Girl: “I love Twilight!”

Me: “Oh, are you interested in vampire stories?”

Girl: “Absolutely! I love anything to do with vampires! I know about all there is to know about them!”

Me: “You must be a big Bram Stoker fan, then.”

Girl: *quizzical look* “Who is that?”

Me: *puts Twilight down quickly*

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 10
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

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Fee For The Taking

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Caller: “I would like free shipping for this product.”

Me: “We’re sorry, but we don’t have any free shipping deals today.”

Caller: “I want free shipping.”

Me: “There is no free shipping, so I really can’t give you free shipping.”

Caller: “I don’t want the product, then.”

(I decide to try another approach.)

Me: “How about I add $6.99 to your order and then give you free shipping? Would that be okay?”

Caller: “That would be great! Thank you so much! Thanks for the great customer service!”

Me: “Okay, sir. You go have a good day.”

Caller: “Thank you! Thanks for the free shipping!”

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Get Your Own Employee

| California, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

(It is a really busy weekend at the grocery store. I am trying to restock some product, but I am being asked for help left and right by customers.)

Customer #1: “Hi! Can you help me find the salad dressing?”

Me: “Of course! If you’ll just follow me, I can show you exactly where they are.”

Customer #1: “Which one do you like best?”

Me: “Personally—”

(Suddenly another customer interrupts us.)

Customer #2: “Show me where the olives are!”

Me: “Miss, they’re two sections over on the very bottom shelf.” *to the first customer* “I really prefer the red wine—”

Customer #2: “I can’t believe you won’t show me where they are. Are you really that lazy that you can’t take the time to help me?”

Customer #1: “Back the f*** off, lady! She’s working her a** off! You’re the one being a lazy b****!”

(The second customer grabs her olives and storms off.)

Me: *to Customer #1* “You’re my favorite customer!”

Ah, Grandmothers, Part 2

| NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Top

(I am a customer in this story and am with my grandmother. The cashier is an older woman in her mid- to late-60s.)

Cashier: “Well dearie, I think we’ve finished the returns. So, we can start on your purchases.” *starts scanning items*

Me: “Thanks. It took me a while to find these bargains.”

Cashier: “Well, I can tell by your savings now that you’ve done pretty well!”

(Without warning, another customer pushes past me and my grandmother and starts trying to take my items.)

Cashier: *to the other customer* “Excuse me, ma’am. These do not belong to you. These belong to these ladies here.”

Other Customer: “RACISM! I knew this store was racist! Trying to take MY ITEMS and give them to this WHITE TRASH HERE!”

(Note: the other customer is also white. My poor grandmother is bewildered and doesn’t know what to say or do. The cashier is on the verge of tears and calls security.)

Me: “Excuse me, but those items are indeed mine. I spent almost two hours here with my grandmother trying to find them. If you want, I can tell you where I found them.”

Other Customer: “LIES! You stole them from me! B***h, you are gonna get SUED!”

(At this moment, security shows up.)

Security: *to the other customer* “Oh, no she isn’t. Lady, we have to talk with you.”

Other Customer: “About time! Take this trailer trash outta the store! Stealing my things! It’s a crime. I’ll sue you and your store and this b**** for thievery!”

Security: “Lady, we have security cameras in the store. We checked them and discovered you have been the one stealing. So, you’re going to have to come with us.”

Other Customer: “LIKE H*** I AM!” *runs out of the store with security chasing her*

Cashier: *to me grandmother and I* “I am so sorry. Would you like store credit or something?”

(My grandmother and I talk and decide not to take it because it wasn’t the store’s fault. Instead, I pay for my items and we leave. On our way out, we see the other customer is being questioned by police.)

My Grandmother: *to the other customer* “B****! You got what you deserved. Karma got you back, fool!”

Related:
Ah, Grandmothers
Ah, Mothers
Ah, Fathers
Ah, Fathers, Part 2

Mother Mellows Best

| British Columbia, Canada | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

(My coworker and I are the only ones on duty at a gas station. We work at a full service gas station, and as it’s July, we’re very busy. I’m outside filling vehicles, while my coworker is inside ringing customers up. Note that I’m kind of timid, while my coworker is kind of hot headed, and we’re both female. A man in his late forties pulls up in his big pickup truck.)

Me: “Sir? Can I get you to pull ahead a bit and park a little closer to the pump? There are some customers who can’t reach the pump behind you, and you’re too close to the store. They can’t go around you.”

(The customer doesn’t even look at me and stalks off towards the store.)

Male Customer: “Fill it. Make d*** sure that you wash the windshield, too!”

(I begin to do my job. A line is forming behind the truck, and customers are asking me what’s the hold up. I have to explain to them about the customer, and I apologize profusely. Finally, the truck is filled, and I go in to tell my coworker the price.)

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

(The man has been standing in line for some time, refusing to let others in front of him while he waits for the price. The store is packed and hot, and the other customers look uncomfortable.)

Male Customer: “I’d like to pay with my [chain] points card, but I don’t know how many points are on it. Check it.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but we have no way of telling you how many points are on your card. The best I can do for you is to run the card and if it comes up short, charge you that extra.”

Male Customer: “What?! I make sure I stop at every [chain] station that I can to collect these d*** points! I will not pay for the gas with my own money! Just run the card through one of your machines and tell me how many d*** points I have!”

Coworker: “Sir, like I told you before, we don’t have any machines that can check your points. If you want to use your card, you can, but if it comes up short I’ll have to charge you the extra.”

(This goes on for a little while, and my coworker begins to get irate, though she keeps her cool. More customers come in and I try and help others at the second till, but then the man starts yelling at me. I ignore him and try to swipe a customer’s credit card, but the man grabs the card reader from my hand and jams his points card in. The look of shock and hurt on my face must have been apparent, because another customer, a woman maybe a bit older than the man, steps in.)

Female Customer: *to the male customer* “WHAT THE F*** DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING? You’ve got a room full of people AND a bunch of cars outside waiting for you to get your a** out of the way and get out of here! You’ve been rude to these girls who have been nothing but polite to you, and now you’re starting to piss me off! And I’m sure I’m not the only one!”

(The other customers nod and murmur their agreement.)

Male Customer: “B****, I didn’t ask for your thoughts. Get back to your kitchen and your whining grandchildren!”

Female Customer: “Is that how you would speak to your mother? Really, didn’t your mother teach you better?”

(Suddenly, the troublesome customer doesn’t seem to be so angry. He actually looks a little bit scared at the mention of his mother. He begins stuttering and cussing her out, but the fire in him is gone. The lady fixes him the coldest stare I’ve ever seen, and then the customer flings two fifties at my coworker and begins elbowing his way through the sea of people and out of the store. The customers begin applauding and insist the heroine go to the front of the line. She’s only getting two Vitamin Waters and a bag of chips, and since the troublesome customer has given us much more than he needed, my coworker and I pay for her with the change.)

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