Relatively Misspeaking

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Your next of kin is listed as your ‘cousin’s sister’?”

Student: “Yes.”

Me: “You do realize your cousin’s sister is still your cousin right?”

Student: “No, it’s my cousin’s sister.”

Me: “That’s still your cousin.”

Student: “No, it’s my first cousin’s sister!”

Waste Not, Bag Not

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(In Canada, we charge five cents for each plastic bag used, which goes to environmental fees or charities. Every store except Walmart has charged for bags for 3-4 years now.)

Customer: “You guys charge for bags?! You’re kidding me!”

Me: “Yup, we do.”

Customer: “It’s ridiculous!”

Customer’s Daughter: “But mom, we’re not going to need bags anyway.”

Customer: “I know, but it’s just so greedy! I’m not going to shop at all these stores anymore if you guys keep charging for bags!”

Social Notworking

, | Arizona, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, School

Me: “Good morning! ASU Information.”

Caller: “Umm, yeah, hi. Where am I?”

Me: “You have reached the ASU information desk. How can I help you?”

Caller: “No. I mean, like, where am I?”

Me: “Could you be more specific please?”

Caller: “Dude, I don’t know where I am. Can you find me?”

Me: “Are there people near you?”

Caller: “Um, yeah.”

Me: “Do any of them know where you are?”

Caller: “How do I find that out?”

Me: “Walk up to one of them, smile, and ask them if they know where you are.”

Caller: “Okay, thanks!” *fumbling around, muffled talking, phone beeping* “You are so awesome; it worked! Thanks!”

Necessity Is The Daughter Of Incomprehension

| Orlando, FL, USA | Family & Kids

(A mom and daughter come up to my checkout. As I ring up the items, the mom notices the novelty pens by the register.)

Customer: “How cute! Do you want one, honey?”

Customer’s Daughter: “I don’t need one.”

Customer: “That’s not what I asked. Do you want one? How often does your mom say that?”

Customer’s Daughter: “I don’t need one.”

Customer: “Look, they light up! Which color do you want?”

Customer’s Daughter: “Doesn’t matter. I don’t need a pen.”

Customer: “Choose a color or I’ll choose for you!”

Customer’s Daughter: “Mom, you’re wasting money!”

Customer: *to me* “We’ll take the blue one.”

Episode 94: The Poser Menace

| Greenville, SC, USA | Geeks Rule

(I work at a video rental store and near our check out we have the boxed set of Star Wars on Blu-ray.)

Customer: “Oh my God, Star Wars on Blu-ray! I love this movie so much!  I like how in the new ones, they put in the new Anakin Skywalker in the scene with the Jabberwockys on Earth!”

Me: “…you mean Ewoks on Endor?”

Customer: “Oh yeah, that’s what they’re called…”

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