God Give Me The Patience

| Right | November 11, 2013

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How About Naw!

| Right | November 11, 2013

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The Height Of Unreason, Part 2

| UK | Right | November 11, 2013

(I am sitting in front of my computer trying to get on with work whilst my colleague is dealing with a patient. Another patient approaches the desk.)

Me: “Hi there! How can I help today?”

Patient: “You know, you really should grow taller. I could hardly see you over the desk.”

(I go on to sign the patient in, and continue with my work. 10 minutes later, the patient comes back to the desk.)

Patient: “You know, you’re still no taller; you really need to grow.”

(I take the patient’s money, and she leaves.)

Me: *to my colleague* “Did I just get told off for not growing any taller in the space of 10 minutes?”

Colleague: “Erm, yes, I think you did.”

Related:
The Height of Unreason

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Young Boys Display Monstrous Behavior

| TX, USA | Right | November 11, 2013

(I work in a costume shop, and I see a six- or seven-year-old boy looking through the aisle.)

Me: “Hey there, little guy! Are you looking for a costume?”

Boy: “Yeah! I’m gonna be a clown, zombie, vampire, werewolf, monster!”

(The mother of the boy comes around the corner.)

Mother: “Sweetie, you can only be one, so just choose one.”

Boy:” Okay, can I be a clown monster werewolf vampire?”

Me: “But not a zombie?”

Boy: “Oh yeah, and zombie!”

Me: “How about we stick two of them together? You can be a werewolf zombie, or a clown monster, or a vampire clown, even.”

Boy: “Ooh! I want to be a vampire clown. Can I be a vampire clown, please? I want lots of blood.”

Mother: “Do you even have a vampire clown costume?”

Me: “We have clown and vampire costumes separately. I’d say a clown outfit, some vampire teeth, and some blood should make the costume right.”

Boy: “Do you have lots of blood?”

(I point to the rack with small tubes of fake blood.)

Me: “We only have these.”

Boy: “No, I want lots of blood.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure it’ll have enough—”

Boy: *serious face* “No. I want lots of blood. I’ll just have to take yours…”

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He Is Irony Man

| Lansing, MI, USA | Right | November 11, 2013

(I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”

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