In God We Tax

| Pasadena, CA, USA | Money, Religion

(An elderly customer in a Catholic priest’s cassock with a thick Irish accent comes into our bookstore. I add up his purchases and hand him a receipt. He looks over it, but hands it back to me.)

Customer: “There’s been a mistake. I don’t pay sales tax.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Can I see your resale card?”

Customer: “I don’t have one of those. These items are for myself.”

Me: “Well, then, I’m afraid you have to pay sales tax. Everyone pays sales tax unless they have a resale card.”

Customer: “You’re mistaken. Priests don’t pay sales tax.”

Me: “Maybe not in Ireland, but they do in the US.”

Customer: “…And that’s why this country is completely uncivilized!” *leaves*

High Or Not, Don’t Mess With My Hires

, | Hollywood, FL, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Top

(A car blasting loud music pulls up to the drive thru. Neither I nor them can hear each other over the music. A few moments later, they pull up to the first window. There’s four men in the car, and all of them are smoking marijuana. The driver leans out the window and shouts at me.)

Customer: “Why you don’t take my order, b****?!”

(Before I can even respond, my manager comes storming from behind me and approaches the window.)

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

Customer: “This b**** won’t take my order!”

Manager: “Please do not insult my employees.”

Customer: “Man, f*** you!”

Manager: “I think you had better leave. Now.”

(At this point, the driver gets out of his car and approaches the window and starts having a shouting match with my manager. The next thing I know, the other three guys in the car start panicking about something, and shouting something at the other man, but he can’t hear them over the loud music and screaming. Then, someone comes up from behind the man at the window and taps him on the shoulder. It’s a cop. He has them all arrested for possession of marijuana and disturbing the peace.)

Say Here, What You Say Is Hearsay Because I Said It Right Here

| UK | Liars & Scammers

(A client is calling to complain about a debt on his insurance policy.)

Customer: “…I know it’s not your fault. You’ve been understanding, but I have to say: the girl I spoke to this morning was awful! She said you were going to take money out of my bank account without my permission.”

(I begin scanning through all the notes since the inception of the policy.)

Me: “I’m not sure why anyone would advise you that, sir, because we don’t even have any facility to do that.”

Customer: “I didn’t know that, did I? She was rude, and abrasive, and she threatened me. I want her fired—”

(At this point, I come across the only note from today.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to interrupt you there. It was actually ME you spoke to this morning, and I said nothing at all about taking money from your account. I’ve got a written record of our conversation here, but if you’re insisting on taking the matter further, I can find a recording of the call to prove it to you, too.”

Customer: “Oh.” *hangs up*

Suffocatingly Insufferable

| Michigan, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I work in an enclosed collision center where the customer can drive in for an estimate. We therefore ask all customers to turn off their vehicle while it’s inside to prevent the fumes from building up.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am! Can you please turn your vehicle off and we can start the estimate?”

Customer: “No, I will not! My children are in the car. It is far too hot for them!”

Me: “We have to have the vehicle turned off. The fumes can build up in here very quickly making everyone—including your children—very sick.”

Customer: “I care that my children are too HOT. I don’t care if they get SICK!”

It Pays To Be Patient, Part 4

| MA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(I work in a medical uniform store. The first customer of the day comes into our store with her father; she’s making a big return on several different items. Instead of doing an even exchange, she picks out different clothes as well as adding a watch that wasn’t originally with the purchase. I’ve rung everything through and the new total is five or six dollars above $100. This is important, as the place she works at gives her a $100 allowance at our store.)

Customer: “Are you sure the price is right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, one of the tops rang up above price, but I knocked it down to the ticketed price for you.”

Customer: “What about the money from my return?”

Me: “It was taken out of what you were buying already. [Price] is what’s left over after the return money has been taken out.”

Customer: “That’s still not right. I took a cheaper pair of shoes to afford the watch.”

Me: “Let me show you how this breaks down…”

(I take out the register calculator and add up her returns for her. I then add up her purchases total, which comes out bigger than the returns. She makes me repeat this another time. Meanwhile a line is starting to form with other customers; it’s a small store and I’m the only register open. She decides to switch tactics.)

Customer: “I think I was overcharged when I first bought the clothes. The tag and the charge on the receipt don’t match, see?”

(She holds out the original receipt and makes me recalculate everything again. Sure enough, she hasn’t been overcharged on anything. As the line is growing longer, she switches tactics again.)

Customer: “I get a discount for working at [hospital] right?”

Me: “Normally, yes, but that’s only for full priced items. All of yours are already on sale. I can’t compound discounts.”

Customer: “But I work at [hospital]! You should give me the discount!”

Me: “Ma’am, store policy says I cannot put a hospital discount on something that is already discounted.”

Customer: “The girl who rang me up the first time did!”

Me: “Ma’am, we just went through the receipt. Nowhere were you given a hospital discount when the item was already on sale. And, regardless, that was her and this is me; store policy says I cannot compound the discount.”

(The customer opens her mouth to try again, but thankfully her father, who has been patiently waiting along with the other customers in line, intervenes.)

Customer’s Father: “She has given you all the discounts she can. Here, I will pay for it.”

(He hands me the money, I finish the transaction, and they leave. The next customer in line steps up and I thank her for waiting.)

Next Customer: “You have a lot of patience, young lady! I would have kicked her out of the store a long time ago.”

Related:
It Pays To Be Patient, Part 3
It Pays To Be Patient, Part 2
It Pays To Be Patient

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