Gives New Meaning To ‘Phone Bill’

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(A customer calls up asking to order reprints over the phone. She is very pleasant and the order is completed smoothly. She indicates that she would like to pay over the phone, which is fine. I go to the front phone and register to take her information and ring her out.)

Me: “Okay. Your total comes to [total] with tax.”

Caller: “I have four $20 bills.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. How would you like to pay?”

Caller: “With cash. That way I can’t overspend. I have four $20 bills to use.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot take cash over the phone. We take all major credit cards, or you can pay by cash when you pick up your order.”

Caller: “No. This is ridiculous. You’ll be busy when I pick it up. I just want to pay now and get it out of the way.”

Me: “I understand. We accept all major credit cards. I am ready whenever you are to complete the sale.”

Caller: “I’m not giving you that! You’re just trying to steal my credit card! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “If you would like to pay cash, you can come in and pay when you pick up the order. I cannot take cash over the phone.”

Caller: “But I have cash! My husband can tell you I have it right here!”

Me: “I believe you, but there is no way for me to accept your cash unless you come to the store in person. You are welcome to do that. Pre-paying is an option, not a requirement.”

Caller: “I want to pay now!”

(This continues for several minutes, until she finally decides to speak to my manager. Ultimately, she cancels the order, demanding that our company becomes more willing to accommodate multiple methods of payment in the future!)

Giving Him A Good Dressing Down

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Health & Body, One-Liners

(I am bartending. A nicely dressed couple in their 20s comes in and order drinks at the bar. They’ve been polite and quiet. The woman is on the heavier side, but still quite cute in her skirt. When the woman’s boyfriend goes to the restroom, a rowdy customer in a polo shirt, who has been obnoxious all night, approaches the bar.)

Rowdy Customer: “Hey! Hey! I need another gin and tonic! Hey!”

Me: “I’ll be right with you. Just let me fill this order.”

(As I’m filling the other order, I look up and see the rowdy customer eyeing the woman. He leans onto the bar while staring at her.)

Rowdy Customer: “Hey, you.”

(The woman ignores him, and turns slightly away.)

Rowdy Customer: “You know, a pig in a dress is still just a pig in a dress!”

(At this point, I’m speechless. I see the woman’s face turn from a smile into an extremely angry frown. Before I can say anything, the woman turns towards him.)

Woman: “Yeah, and you know, an a**hole in a polo is still just an a**hole in a polo!”

Rowdy Customer: “I… what?”

Me: “You can pay up and get out of here for harassing other customers. That’s what!”

Rowdy Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

(The rowdy customer leaves some money on the counter and storms out. I turn to the woman.)

Me: “Hey, that was the best thing I’ve heard all night! Can I get you and your boyfriend the next round?”

(She smiles and accepts, ordering a drink for herself and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend comes back after everything has quieted down.)

Me: “Here’s your free round. Really, that was a great come back! It made my day!”

Woman: “Thanks!”

They Stole Her Precious

| Australia | Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Top

(Having been married just one month, I am very precious and careful with my wedding ring. I take it off only to wash my hands. I’m in a shopping mall bathroom and have just taken my ring off and set it on top of my bag next to me. At the sink next to me is a girl about the age of 12.)

Girl: “Hey mum! Look what I found!”

Mum: *in a loud whisper* “Put that in your pocket! Show me later!”

(They begin to leave. I reach for my ring and find it gone! I see the girl just shoving my ring into her pocket with a big smile on her face.)

Me: “Hey! Excuse me! I think you have something of mine!”

Mum: “Mind your own business!” *to her daughter* “Keep walking, honey.”

(They both flee the bathroom, but I follow and yell.)

Me: “Stop! Hey! Give it back!”

Girl: “No! It’s mine, b****!”

Mum: “You leave my baby alone!”

(I start to cry. With the mum yelling at me, the chaos brings a security guard running over.)

Mum: “Thank God! This b**** is trying to steal my baby girl’s ring!”

Me: “No, no, it’s my wedding ring. I took it off for a moment and she took it!”

Girl: “She’s lying! It’s mine!”

Guard: “Enough!” *to me* Do you have any proof it’s yours?”

(I’m still crying and try to describe it, but the girl and her mum keep screaming over me. The guard has to yell at them to get them to quiet down. At last, he looks at my long thin fingers, and the girl’s very short chubby ones, and he winks at me.)

Guard: “Okay, tell you what. Whoever the ring fits, that’s who it belongs to.”

(The guard forces the girl to hand it over, with the mum screaming the whole time. Of course, the ring doesn’t get anywhere near fitting her, and is a perfect fit on me. The guard calls the police and they both get banned from the store. My husband and I are still very good friends with the guard; in fact, he’s marrying my husband’s sister next year!)