Screaming Some Nonsense Can Lead To Slapping Some Sense

, | USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m working at a fast food restaurant when a man suddenly storms up to the counter, completely ignores the woman whose order I’m taking, and starts screaming obscenities at me.)

Customer: “All you f***ing losers can go straight to h***!”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Every time I come here, it happens! You always get it wrong! I ordered this burger without tomato, and look at this! There’s a d*** tomato on it!”

(He shoves the burger under my nose. I glance down and see that the burger isn’t ours, but our competitor’s, from across the street.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you ordered this at [competitor restaurant] across the way. You need to complain to them.”

Customer: “I know what I’m talking about! I’m not a f***ing r*****!”

(Suddenly, the other customer he cut in front of slaps him on the backside of the head. Note that the other customer is a woman and can’t be more than five feet tall and a hundred pounds.)

Customer: “What the f***?!”

Other Customer: “You deserved that. You’re being stupid. Get the h*** out of here!”

Customer: “You telling me what to do, b****?!”

(She slaps him again, this time on the face.)

Other Customer: “Now, have you learned your lesson?”

Customer: *suddenly meek* “Yes, ma’am.”

Other Customer: “Good. Apologize.”

Customer: “I’m… I’m sorry. I must’ve went to the wrong place.”

(Dazed, the customer wanders out of the restaurant, leaving his burger behind. I gave the woman her meal for free!)

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Weekly Roundup: Bigots Are Boneheads!

Not Always Right | Bigotry, Roundups

Bigots Are Boneheads! In this week’s roundup, we share five stories about bigoted customers!

  1. Going Bananas (5,891 thumbs up)
    A sexist customer complaining about neutering gets neutered himself!
  2. A War Unwon (3,705 thumbs up)
    A marine who fought abroad unfortunately learns that there are enemies at home, too.
  3. Time To Moooove To Another Cowllege (3,720 thumbs up)
    Move over, racial and religious discrimination: introducing FARM discrimination!
  4. So Pho, So Crazy (3,932 thumbs up)
    A Vietnamese supermarket employee has a run-in with a genocidal customer.
  5. Who Needs History When You Have Hollywood (3,345 thumbs up)
    History is an absolute mystery for this boneheaded tourist!

PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

The Day The Earth Stood Tilled

| Canada | Bizarre

Me: “Department of Agriculture, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I believe the department of agriculture is part of some sort of council. Is that right?”

Me: “I suppose we are, with the other departments of the government.”

Customer: “There are people in the council working against alien species, correct?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you mean by alien species.”

Customer: “I mean alien species in plants.”

Me: “Oh, like weeds?”

Customer: “Well, you could call them ‘weeds’ if that makes you feel better.”

Me: “Uhm… well, I can transfer you to our weed specialist. He’ll be able to answer all your questions.”

Customer: “‘Weed’ specialist… yes, that’ll do. By the way, how long has your number been ###-2666?”

Me: “It’s always been this number, sir.”

Customer: “Do you know what triple-6 means?”

Me: “I’m assuming you’re speaking of the Devil?”

Customer: “That is correct.”

Me: “Well, I’m in no position to transfer you to the Devil, but I can transfer you to our weed specialist.”

Customer: “The alien specialist, yes.”

Me: “Uhm… okay. Have a good day, sir!”

FYI Your ETA Is TBA, So TTYL

| AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I am dealing with a pushy customer; he’s submitted a trouble ticket but called in less than two minutes asking for an update.)

Me: “Sir, I am unable to give an ETA at this time. I am still looking into this issue.”

Customer: “So, you cannot give me an ETA?”

Me: “No, I am unable to give an ETA at this time.”

Customer: “When can I get an ETA?”

Me: “Sir, are you asking for an ETA on the ETA?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “I will let you know when there are any further updates…”

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