Problem Exists Between Sign And Keyboard

| Yukon, Canada | Technology

(Note: The public computers in our office have been down and I’m in the process of repairing and cleaning them. As such, I’ve taped “Do Not Use” signs on the computer monitors. A client walks in, sits at the desk, pulls the sign off the monitor, and proceeds to try and use the mouse and keyboard.)

Client: “Why isn’t this working?! I need to check my email!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the computers aren’t working right now. I’m fixing them now. They should be up by this afternoon.”

Client: “I need to check my email right now! I demand you make them work!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t use the computer right now.”

Client: “And WHY NOT?!”

(I point to the computer tower on my work desk that’s currently in pieces.)

Me: “This is the computer, sir.”

Client: “So? I shouldn’t need that thing to make it work! All the important parts are still right here!”

(The “important parts” he’s referring to? The monitor and keyboard.)

No Sense, No Sensitivity, No Service

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Bigotry, Hall of Fame, Top

(I am checking out an older gay couple holding hands, who has been very pleasant, when the customer behind them speaks up.)

Me: “How are you guys doing today?”

Customer #1: “Oh, just great.”

Customer #2: “Hey! Lady!”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Customer #2: “You’re allowed to refuse to serve people, aren’t you?”

Me: “Um, yes, I can make them go to another line if they cause problems.”

Customer #2: “Well, why are you ringing out these homos?! Kick them out of your line!”

Me: “Um, sir, these men haven’t been causing problems.”

Customer #2: “They’re f***ing f****ts! I can’t believe you’re helping them!” *to the couple* “Get the h*** out of here! She’s refusing to serve you!”

Customer #1: “We’re not doing anything!”

Me: “Please, sir, I have no problem. They’ve been very nice to me. I’m almost done checking them out, anyway.”

Customer #2: “No! No, no, no! I demand that you refuse them service!”

(By now, I’ve finished with the couple’s grocery order.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer #2: “What?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re causing a disturbance. I’m going to have to refuse you service. Please move to another line.”

(He threw a fit and complained to my manager, but the gay couple spoke up in my defense and Customer #2 was banned from the store.)

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Don’t Fake With Me

| New York, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Underaged

(I work at a drugstore. When someone comes in with a fake ID, we can refuse to sell to them, but we can’t actually confiscate the fake. A teenage girl walks up to the counter.)

Teenage Customer: “Just this, please.”

(She puts a pack of Budweiser on the counter.)

Me: “May I see your ID?”

(She hands me an ID that is obviously fake; the state is spelled wrong.)

Me: “What year did you graduate high school?”

Teenage Customer: “Um…”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell to you.”

Teenage Customer: “F*** you, you little ****! Just give me the f***ing beer!”

Me: *deep breath* “Listen. I have had a very, VERY bad day. You can leave quietly and take your fake along, or I can call call the police and they’ll come arrest you. Which would you prefer?”

Teenage Customer: *turns red, grabs her fake and runs out of the store*

Saving The Duke From The Puke

| West Jefferson, NC, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

Customer: “I’ll have two pounds of mac & cheese, 3 pounds of potato wedges, 2 pounds of boneless wings, and 10 cheese sticks. I also need 4 pounds of cooked ham, sliced on a #2.”

Me: “Alright! Having a party, huh?”

Customer: “No, this is for my dog.”

Me: *taken off-guard* “Oh…” *jokingly* “…well, is he having a party then?”

Customer:  “I don’t appreciate your tone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I was only kidding.”

(I fill her order in silence. After weighing the potato wedges, she says…)

Customer: “Can’t you go any faster?! The Duke will surely starve!”

Me: “I’ll do the best I can, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, see that you do! My sweet doggie is hungry!”

(Meanwhile, a man walks up and begins talking to the customer while I finish her order. This takes about 10 minutes, as I have to cook more chicken. As I turn around from the meat slicer to give her the last bag of sliced ham, I see her walking away with the man. She has left her entire order on the counter.)

Me: “Ma’am! MA’AM! Your order, ma’am!”

Customer: “Oh, nevermind, dear! He brought me some dog food from the pet aisle!”

Me: *speechless*

(She wasted at least $40 worth of food!)

Caught On A Hot Tan Roof

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Underaged

(My friend and I are waiting in line at a night club. A guy in front us presents his ID, but the bouncer isn’t buying it.)

Bouncer: “You can’t use this. It’s not a valid piece of ID.”

Guy: “Why not? It has my information on it.”

Bouncer: “First of all, it’s not government-issued. It looks like an employee ID. Second, do you seriously expect me to believe that this WHITE guy is you?”

(The photo on the ID clearly doesn’t match the guy, who is of Southeast Asian descent and is darker than the person in the photo.)

Guy: “Uhh… I’m a roofer. You gotta believe me, man! That’s me in the photo.”

Bouncer: “It’s almost October and we’re in Canada. That’s one h*** of a roofer’s tan you got there!”

Guy: “****!” *leaves the club*

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