Takes One To Blow One

| Nashville, TN, USA | Pets & Animals

(I’m working on a particularly stormy day at the petstore. Lights are flickering and the wind is rattling the doors and siding of the store. Everyone is visibly terrified, save for one unscathed customer.)

Customer: “I’m looking for a hamster for my daughter.”

Me: “Uh, sure sir… our hamsters are over here. We have quite a selection and I can open the bins if you see one you’d like to hold.”

Customer: “These are all males. I’m looking for a female.”

Me: “I apologize for that sir. We only carry one gender to keep from in-store breeding. It’s in the best interest of the pets’ health and customer satisfaction, and we’re a male store.”

Customer: “You mean I HAD to drive all the way in THIS storm for a hamster you don’t even have?”

Me: “Well, you didn’t have to. But if you’d like, we have a female store located close by.”

Customer: “No way. Only a psycho would drive in this weather!”

Goodnight Loon

| Middlebury, CT, USA | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

(I’m at work when a teenage customer sees a bracelet I’m wearing.)

Teenage Customer: *looking at my bracelet* “What’s that say?”

Me:Our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn’t have to bear alone.”

Teenage Customer: “That’s nice. What’s it from?”

Me: “A song by Go Radio.”

Teenage Customer: “Can I have your bracelet?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Teenage Customer: “Your bracelet. Can I have it?”

Me: “Sorry, but this was given to me by the band when I saw them last October.”

Teenage Customer: “But I WANT it!”

Me: “Sorry, but if you want one like this, you either have to see them on tour or go on their webstore. I’m sure they’ll have them in either place.”

(Suddenly, the teenage customer freaks and GRABS at my wrist, slapping the counter when I pull it back.)

Teenage Customer: “I WANT THAT ONE! Why are YOU so special that they gave it to you?!”

Me: “Some little teenage brat mashed gum into my hair because I wouldn’t give her my spot at the barrier. All of the bands found out and Go Radio gave me this.”

Teenage Customer: *suddenly calm* “Oh… can I have it, then?”

Me: “What part of ‘no’ did you not understand?”

Teenage Customer: “I guess I should look up the webstore then…”

(She walks off, leaving my manager and the next customer confused.)

Next Customer: “What in the h*** was THAT about?!”

Oh, Dear God, It’s Growing Bigger

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Geeks Rule, Rude & Risque

(I am selling t-shirts at Dragon*Con, a very large media/SF convention in Atlanta. One of our most popular shirts is one with, “This is my Boomstick” emblazoned on the front, with an outline of Ash from the Evil Dead movies. As we are very busy, I’m in the habit of glancing at the shirt and asking the customer for the size to make checkout faster.)

Me: “…and what size is your boomstick, sir?”

Customer #1: “Large.”

Me: “I can’t believe I said that. Sorry.”

Customer #1: “Um, okay.”

Customer #2: *hands me money* “Just to let you know, MY boomstick is extra-large!”

1 Thumbs
1,732
VOTES

Paying Fool Price

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

Me: “…and your total comes to $10.28.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t. I bought two shirts.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but today is a buy 1, get 1 free sale on all women’s apparel.”

Customer: “Is this some sort of scheme? Because I’m not gonna pay unless I pay for both! I ain’t falling for no scheme!”

Me: “Miss, I can assure you that today is a a buy 1, get 1 free sale.”

Customer: *throws down a $20 and a $1 and storms out of the store*

Boss Like A Boss

| Painted Post, NY, USA | Bigotry, Hall of Fame, Top

(I’m working at a well-known family diner. I am one of the gayest men you might ever meet and am serving two elderly ladies.)

Me: “Hello, ladies! It is very nice to meet you. My name is [name]. You ladies look sharp today! What can I get you to drink?”

(I take their drink order, return just moments later, and take their food order. They are acting completely fine, until…)

Customer #1: “Here, honey, this is for you. You look like you need it.”

(She hands me a book on how homosexuality is inappropriate and an abomination. I have faced this before, so to avoid conflict I give them the following response.)

Me: “Oh, great! My girlfriend will love this!”

Customer #2: “Oh, nevermind, honey. You won’t need that, then! You never know where these homos are hiding now a days!”

(I start to tear a little bit. My manager happens to be gay as well and overhears this.)

Manager: “HEY! I do not ever want you to lie to a customer just to avoid a conflict! You are one of my best employees, and I will not have some bigoted customers putting you down. Ma’ams, I would greatly appreciate it if you left my establishment and do not return. If you cannot handle him as a gay man, then you do not deserve him as a straight man!”

1 Thumbs
4,923
VOTES
Page 1,749/3,127First...1,7471,7481,7491,7501,751...Last