A Directionless Conversation, Part 3

| Germany | Extra Stupid, Geography, Hotels & Lodging

(I answer the phone.)

Me: “Good evening, you have reached the front desk. How may I assist you?”

Guest: “I’m lost.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; where are you right now?”

Guest: “I don’t know; I told you I was lost!”

Me: “Where are you calling from right now?”

Guest: *annoyed* “My cell phone!”

Me: “I understand that, ma’am, but I need to know where you are if you would like directions to the hotel. Is there a street sign near you?”

Guest: “Yes.”

(There is a very long pause.)

Me: “Can you tell me what it says?”

Guest: “No.”

Me: “No?”

Guest: “No. It’s dark; I can’t read it.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you would like me to give you directions I will need to know where you currently are. Can you please tell me the street name?”

Guest: “Fine…”

Related:
A Directionless Conversation, Part 2
A Directionless Conversation

Sage Age Advice

| USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Health & Body

(I’m head cashier in a craft store, and do all the returns. I have a couple come in with several bags and are rummaging through receipts. I start working through their transactions and find items that aren’t from my company and items without receipts.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I cannot process a return for these items.”

Wife: “You should give me the money for these items anyway, because I have had a hard life! I have to take care of my mother and my four siblings!”

Me: “I can understand that, but—”

Wife: “What do you know about taking care of the elderly?”

Me: “Since I was 12 I cared for my father with cancer, who died when I was 18. Then my uncle was diagnosed also with cancer. He passed away two days ago. Between that I have another uncle diagnosed and living with me. Previously, my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s also lived with me and passed last summer. I’m also taking care of my mother who has severe arthritis. I have 5 siblings and 20 cousins, but everyone is dropped on me with no care or help.”

Wife: “I’m so sorry; I guess you do know what it’s like. Does it get better?”

Me: “No, but bubble wrap helps.”

Will Have To Bite The Bullet

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Theme Of The Month

(I am working customer service at a big box store. A customer comes up with a box of bullets. Store policy and law states that ammunition cannot be returned for any reason. This is clearly printed on the bottom of the receipt, surrounded by a double box of asterisks.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to bring back these bullets; they’re the wrong caliber.”

(The customer hands me the receipt.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but all ammunition is non-refundable. It says right here—”

Customer: “No, I don’t want my money back; I just want to get the right ones.”

Me: “I understand, but we can’t take ammo back under any circumstances. It’s store policy and the law.”

Customer: “No, no, no! The guy who sold them to me said if they were the wrong size I could come back and exchange it!”

Me: “No, he didn’t. There are three signs in sporting goods that clearly say you cannot return ammo. On the ammo case, behind the counter, and taped to the counter itself. It’s also clearly marked here on the bottom of your receipt. There is no way any associate in this store would tell you such a thing because it is against the law.”

(The customer leans over on the counter, in my face.)

Customer: “Are you calling me a LIAR?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am.”

(Clearly not expecting that answer, the customer stumbles his words a bit.)

Customer: “So… so what? I’m out by $30 and stuck with bullets I can’t use?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you are.”

Customer: “F***!”

(He snatches the receipt from my hand, and his bag of ammo, and storms off.)