Burnt To Order

| San Jose, CA, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “And would you like white toast with that?”

Customer: “No, I want black toast.”

Me: “I don’t…I don’t think that exists, sir.”

Customer: “BLACK TOAST.”

Me: “Wheat it is, then, sir.”

PDF: Please Don’t Fuss

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Technology

Me: “Do you have a PDF file?”

Customer: “That’s redundant!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “PDF stands for ‘printable document file.'”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry but PDF stands for ‘portable document format.'”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! It’s ‘printable document file!'”

Me: “One moment please.”

(I open up a browser, look up “PDF”, and turn the computer monitor around for him to see.)

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: *leaves without saying another word*

Bananas Explodé

| Brussels, Belgium | Food & Drink

(I’m preparing bananas flambé in front of several customers. Suddenly, one of them speaks up excitedly.)

Customer: “Wow, that looks so cool! Are you using gasoline?”

Righteous Insinuation

| Broomfield, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(A lady is looking at cross jewelry while the manager is helping her. Note that the manager is female and is a bit heavy set.)

Customer: “Do you have a coworker that can help me?”

Manager: “I’m afraid not. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I don’t want to be helped by someone that’s pregnant but hasn’t gotten married.”

Manager: “Um…well…I’m a virgin.”

Customer: *goes wide-eyed and quickly leaves*

Buy One Euphemism, Get The Second One Free

| Vermont, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Top

(I’m a rather busty female and I work in a grocery store. An elderly man walks up to my register with his cart.)

Customer: “Well, I see you got new jugs!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “New jugs. I quite like ’em. Better grip. Oh, yeah, much better grip.”

Me: *stares wide-eyed*

Customer: *places two bottles of prune juice on the counter*

Me: *relieved* “Oh, yes. They redid the bottles on those. New jugs.”

Customer: “Mmmm. Prune juice. I quite like it. Keeps me regular.”

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