Belly Rubbed And Snubbed

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a department store as a cashier. I also have a medical condition where I must take a heavy amount of steroids, and a side effect of this is that I’m a bit chunky. I’m ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Oh, my dear, how can they force a woman in your condition to stand at a cash register all day? Your ankles must be so swollen! When are you due?”

(Suddenly, she reaches across the counter and rubs my belly, totally invading my personal space.)

Me: “In about five years, after I finish college, get married, and get a job that pays above minimum wage. I’m fat, not pregnant, lady. And I do not remember giving you permission to put your hands on my body.”

(The customer turns beet red, mumbles something, and abruptly leaves all her merchandise on the counter. I get a round of applause from the rest of the customers in line.)

Next Customer in line: “I would have hit her if I were you.”

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Rated I For Immature, Part 3

| NY, USA | Movies & TV

(Two older women have come in to see a popular, R-rated film. They are quite giddy and cheerful.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer #1: “Two senior tickets for [film], please!”

Customer #2: “I’m paying! Don’t let her pay, it’s her birthday!”

Customer #1: “No, I’ve got it!”

Customer #2: *moves between her friend and me* “No, I’m paying!” *she pays* “Don’t mind us, we’ve just escaped from the nursing home.”

Customer #1: “Don’t tell our kids we’re here!”

(I smile, and they go to their movie. An hour and a half later, I see them walking out, quiet and looking stunned.)

Customer #1: “We are not telling our kids we saw that!”

Related:
Rated I For Immature, Part 2
Rated I For Immature

Gotta Catch His Son

| WA, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Top

(I am helping a male customer who’s encountered an odd glitch on an old copy of Pokemon Platinum.)

Customer: “Yesterday, I was near collecting all the available ‘mon’ on this version. Now I turned it on today and they’ve all disappeared except for four! You sold me a faulty game!”

(I turn his DS on and check his save file. Sure enough, his inventory is empty save for ‘Starly’, a ‘Turtwig’ and an ‘Piplup’.)

Me: “Hmmm, that is… incredibly strange. Umm, let me see if there’s a way to run a BIO on this.”

Customer: “You’d better! And you d*** better find a way to get all my Pokemon back! I spent months getting them all, and now they’re gone because you sold me a glitched piece of s***!”

(I hustle to the back, explaining what’s happened to our resident tech. He’s just as stumped as to how this could’ve happened so we both spend a moment or so trying to figure out what’s gone wrong with the game. Finally, however, I notice something that’s odd: both ‘Turtwig’ and ‘Piplup’ are starter Pokemon, which are given to you when you start a new game. Typically you’re only allowed one of these so it should be impossible for them to both be on the same save file… unless this customer traded for the other with someone.)

Me: “Sir, do you know anyone else who plays this game as well?”

Customer: “What? Well, yes my son plays it with me all the time.”

(I explain the above to him, and he noticeably calms down.)

Customer: “I see. Could you excuse me for a second? I need to make a phone call.”

(He steps outside the store and begins a seemingly normal call. It soon, however, gets increasingly loud as the man tears into the poor soul on the other end of the line. After doing this for a few minutes he hangs up and enters the store again, resuming his calm demeanor.)

Customer: “Okay, I’ve now found out what happened. Please accept my apologies for that previous outburst. It seems someone significant at home was in need of a ‘Chimichar’ and a ‘Psyduck’ to complete his own collection, only rather than say searching online for someone willing to trade, he decided it’d be easier just to erase his daddy’s game, start a new one and choose the aforementioned so he could then swap it and the ‘Psyduck’ for his other two spare starters.”

Me: “Well, I’m likewise sorry he ruined all your hard work.”

Customer: “Don’t. It wasn’t your fault after all… actually…” *he pushes the game towards me* “…how much would one of these, plus a slightly used DS go for these days? I have the distinct feeling my son won’t be needing either for a long time.”

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This ‘Real Man’ Requires A Substitute

| BC, Canada | Bigotry, Top

(I’ve just started a new job after having a baby a few months back. I’m a single mother. I am processing my first refund-to-gift-card transaction. I’m having a little bit of trouble with it, so I ask if they would mind if I called my manager.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. This is my first time doing this. Would you mind if I phoned my manager to ask him how it’s done?”

Customer: “Go figure! That’s what happens when we start hiring women! They can’t do anything right, can they? You ought to be barefoot pregnant in the kitchen, not taking jobs from hardworking men.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. I actually just started this job after having a baby.”

Customer: “So, you’re leaving a real man at home to look after your child while you take money for yourself?”

Me: *appalled* “If you’ll excuse me, sir, I’m just going to call my manager to ask him how the refund is done.”

Customer: “Go home to your b*****d baby! Leave the jobs to real men!”

(At this point, a tall metal head-looking man, with long hair, piercings, and ripped jeans approaches the counter behind the man. I recognize him as a teacher who’d substituted for some classes when I was in school. He speaks up.)

Substitute Teacher: “If all the jobs are for hardworking men, what the h*** are you doing here at two in the afternoon instead of working?”

(The customer turns white at the sight of him, gathers up his items and runs off without getting his refund. I thanked the substitute with my first ever gift card transaction, and he took me out to dinner. He, my baby and I have been a family ever since!)

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Indiscriminate Discrimi-nation, Part 2

| Auckland, New Zealand | Bigotry

Caller: “Can I speak with [banker name]?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but she’s in a meeting right now. Is there something I can help with?”

Caller: “I’m having trouble hearing you. Can you speak up?”

(I move my headset closer.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Caller: “Your accent is appalling! I hate talking to you Asians!”

Me: *mild shock* “Ma’am, I’m a kiwi, born and bred.”

Caller: “Nonsense! Where were you born?”

Me: “At [giant public hospital in Auckland].”

Caller: “Oh, but your parents must be Asians! They’re everywhere!”

Me: “No, ma’am. My parents are Scottish stock, and have been here five generations.”

Caller: “D*** you Asians!” *click*

Related:
Indiscriminate Discrimi-nation

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