Don’t Fool Around With Daycare

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Family & Kids

Caller: “Hey, you take care of kids?”

Me: “Yes. What ages and times are you needing?”

Caller: “Well, I got six kids and I need them outta here while I do my thang.”

Me: “Your ‘thang’?”

Caller: “Yeah, I can’t get my mack on with all them d*** kids runnin’ around. So, could you take them from like…8pm to 3 or 4am?”

Me: “I don’t do overnight care, sir. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “That’s okay. By the way, are you married?”

Their Parenting Is Nothing To Rave About

| Baytown, TX, USA | Family & Kids

(A customer that I served earlier this particular day walks in with small child of about one year. The child starts screaming and the mom puts the child down to run around unattended.)

Customer: “I need to return these shoes.”

Me: “Okay, was there anything wrong with them?”

Customer: “No, I just thought I had more money than I really did.”

Me: “Oh okay, that’s fine.”

Customer: “Yeah, I need that money so I can go to raves!”

Til Delivery Do Us Part

| Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! It’s [my name] from [store name]! I wanted to let you know your order came in—”

Customer: “Oh! Yes, would you ship it—oh, hold on.”

(There’s long pause.)

Customer: “Actually, will you call me back in a couple days? I’m just sitting here waiting for my husband to die.”

Me: *taken aback* “Oh, my…I am so sorry your husband is ill, ma’am—”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Don’t forget to call me, okay? Bye!” *click*

All The News That’s Fated To Print

| New York, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: this takes place on a Friday afternoon.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I know you’re probably not supposed to do this, but can I have Sunday’s paper?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Sunday’s paper. I’d like the coupons.”

Me: “We actually don’t have any leftover—”

Customer: “Leftover? No, no. I mean this coming Sunday.”

Me: *confused* “But it’s Friday.”

Customer: “I know, but I want to get a head start!”

The Lesser Of Two Musical Evils

| Norwich, Norfolk, UK | Politics

Customer: “Can you help me? It’s my daughter’s birthday and she said she wanted a CD by some band. I can’t remember the name. I have it written down here.”

(She produces a piece of paper. On it is written the name of a popular German rock band. Note that most of this band’s songs are in German, so most of the writing on their CDs is too.)

Me: “Oh, good choice. They’re a great band. We have several of their CDs right over here.”

Customer: “Hold on. All this writing is in another language!”

Me: “Yes, madam, it’s German.”

Customer: “*horrified* “Oh, God! Not this again! This is that Nazi band she’s been listening to! I thought we’d got her out of that phase!”

Me: “Madam, I can assure you this band is not a Nazi band.”

Customer: “But they’re German!”

Me: “Madam, I happen to be a fan of this particular band myself. I can assure you they are not Nazis. One of their songs is even about how they are politically left-wing.”

Customer: *aghast* “Socialists?!”

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