Not Really Our Calling

| Irvine, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a server. It is slowing down during my shift, and I’m usually happy to talk with my customers. I have a well-meaning elderly couple at my table. I was born and raised here, college educated, and speak in a standard American dialect, almost valley girl sounding when I get giddy.)

Me: “So, is everything tasting great?”

Old man: “Yes, thank you. So, I’m curious, where are you from?”

(What he really wants to know, is what kind of non-white race am I.)

Me: “My parents are from India.”

Old man: “Oh! Indian, huh? Well, your English is very good. You should work in those, uh, those call centers… yeah! Because every time I call customer service, I can hardly understand what they are saying!”

Me: “Um… thank you, but that’s really not… uh… my area of interest.”

Old man: *shrugs* “Ah, well.”

Me: *forced, polite smile* “I’ll be back to check on you in a bit…”

Inching Away From Intelligence, Part 2

| Onley, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

(I work in the electronics department of a large retail store. I receive a phone call one morning.)

Me: “Hello? Electronics department, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, I’m on your website looking at your [brand name] TVs. You got two on here I like, a 26 inch and a 32 inch. What’s the difference?”

Me: “Well, sir. It depends. Are they Plasma, LCD, LED?”

Customer: *cutting me off* “No, no, no! I don’t care about any of that. I just wanna know which one’s bigger!”

Related:
Inching Away From Intelligence

Belly Rubbed And Snubbed

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Wild & Unruly

(I work at a department store as a cashier. I also have a medical condition where I must take a heavy amount of steroids, and a side effect of this is that I’m a bit chunky. I’m ringing up a customer.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Oh, my dear, how can they force a woman in your condition to stand at a cash register all day? Your ankles must be so swollen! When are you due?”

(Suddenly, she reaches across the counter and rubs my belly, totally invading my personal space.)

Me: “In about five years, after I finish college, get married, and get a job that pays above minimum wage. I’m fat, not pregnant, lady. And I do not remember giving you permission to put your hands on my body.”

(The customer turns beet red, mumbles something, and abruptly leaves all her merchandise on the counter. I get a round of applause from the rest of the customers in line.)

Next Customer in line: “I would have hit her if I were you.”

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Rated I For Immature, Part 3

| NY, USA | Movies & TV

(Two older women have come in to see a popular, R-rated film. They are quite giddy and cheerful.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer #1: “Two senior tickets for [film], please!”

Customer #2: “I’m paying! Don’t let her pay, it’s her birthday!”

Customer #1: “No, I’ve got it!”

Customer #2: *moves between her friend and me* “No, I’m paying!” *she pays* “Don’t mind us, we’ve just escaped from the nursing home.”

Customer #1: “Don’t tell our kids we’re here!”

(I smile, and they go to their movie. An hour and a half later, I see them walking out, quiet and looking stunned.)

Customer #1: “We are not telling our kids we saw that!”

Related:
Rated I For Immature, Part 2
Rated I For Immature

Gotta Catch His Son

| WA, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Top

(I am helping a male customer who’s encountered an odd glitch on an old copy of Pokemon Platinum.)

Customer: “Yesterday, I was near collecting all the available ‘mon’ on this version. Now I turned it on today and they’ve all disappeared except for four! You sold me a faulty game!”

(I turn his DS on and check his save file. Sure enough, his inventory is empty save for ‘Starly’, a ‘Turtwig’ and an ‘Piplup’.)

Me: “Hmmm, that is… incredibly strange. Umm, let me see if there’s a way to run a BIO on this.”

Customer: “You’d better! And you d*** better find a way to get all my Pokemon back! I spent months getting them all, and now they’re gone because you sold me a glitched piece of s***!”

(I hustle to the back, explaining what’s happened to our resident tech. He’s just as stumped as to how this could’ve happened so we both spend a moment or so trying to figure out what’s gone wrong with the game. Finally, however, I notice something that’s odd: both ‘Turtwig’ and ‘Piplup’ are starter Pokemon, which are given to you when you start a new game. Typically you’re only allowed one of these so it should be impossible for them to both be on the same save file… unless this customer traded for the other with someone.)

Me: “Sir, do you know anyone else who plays this game as well?”

Customer: “What? Well, yes my son plays it with me all the time.”

(I explain the above to him, and he noticeably calms down.)

Customer: “I see. Could you excuse me for a second? I need to make a phone call.”

(He steps outside the store and begins a seemingly normal call. It soon, however, gets increasingly loud as the man tears into the poor soul on the other end of the line. After doing this for a few minutes he hangs up and enters the store again, resuming his calm demeanor.)

Customer: “Okay, I’ve now found out what happened. Please accept my apologies for that previous outburst. It seems someone significant at home was in need of a ‘Chimichar’ and a ‘Psyduck’ to complete his own collection, only rather than say searching online for someone willing to trade, he decided it’d be easier just to erase his daddy’s game, start a new one and choose the aforementioned so he could then swap it and the ‘Psyduck’ for his other two spare starters.”

Me: “Well, I’m likewise sorry he ruined all your hard work.”

Customer: “Don’t. It wasn’t your fault after all… actually…” *he pushes the game towards me* “…how much would one of these, plus a slightly used DS go for these days? I have the distinct feeling my son won’t be needing either for a long time.”

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