Business Cat Like A Boss

| USA | Pets & Animals, Top

(Note: We are a very small vet clinic and have no office manager. We do have a clinic cat which stays at the counter during the day and he has been jokingly called our office manager.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Good afternoon! I’d like to make an appointment today for my dog’s vaccines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re completely booked for today. We’re looking at some time late this week or early next week.”

(Suddenly, the heretofore nice caller goes completely ballistic. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs.)

Caller: “LISTEN, I WANT AN APPOINTMENT NOW! How dare you talk to me in that tone! You make me an appointment for today, right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re booked for today.”

Caller: “You are such a liar! I have never been treated like this before! You are the most rude person I have EVER talked to! I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED. I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR OFFICE MANAGER, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “We don’t have an office manager here, sir. I can have you speak to the owner, though.”

Caller: “Don’t you lie to me! I’LL HAVE YOUR A** FIRED. PUT ME ON RIGHT NOW!”

(This goes on for a few minutes. I try to calm him down and have him speak to the owner, but he keeps screaming. I look up to see our clinic cat watching me and I get an idea.)

Me: “Sir, you’re right. We do have an office manager, but he wasn’t in yet so I had to tell you we didn’t have one.”

(He keeps ranting, and I put the phone near our cat. Note that he’s yelling loud enough for me to hear. The man continues to scream over the phone for a couple minutes before he pauses.)

Caller: “You’re going to tell that to your employee, right?!”

Clinic Cat: “Meow?”

Caller: *hangs up*

A-moooo-sing Customers, Part 2

| France | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(We’re located in a small village in a rural area, but each year, we have plenty of foreign tourists. I’m the only person fluent in english at the office. One day, a family of tourists (a father, a mother and their teenage son and daughter) walk in.)

Father: *in French* “Hello, sir. Can you help me to find how to go to a few places? I can’t find them on my map.”

Me: *in French* “Sure, let me show you. May I see your map?”

(As I show the father directions on his map, I see the kids giggling and chatting in English in the back. They’re making fun of my coworker.)

Daughter: *in English* “God, this guy looks so stupid!”

Son: *in English* “Totally! Look at his eyes! It totally looks like a cow’s eyes!”

Daughter: *in English* “And look at his hair! Soooo dorky!”

(The father says nothing, despite clearly hearing them.)

Father: *in French* “Alright, I think I got it. Thank you for your time.”

Me: “Mooooooooooooooo!”

Father: *in French* “What are you doing?!”

Me: *grinning, in English* “That’s the cow word for ‘Have a nice day.'”

(The parents and their two children stay stunned for a second. Then, both parents start to laugh and the kids turn cherry red.)

Mother: *laughing, in English* “Weren’t expecting that now, you two?”

(Embarrassed, the kids try to leave, but the parents grab them both by their shoulders.)

Son: *in English* “Let me go, Dad!”

Father: *still laughing, in English* “We’re not leaving until both of you apologize to this man!”

(The parents refused to move or let them go until I received an apology from both kids. The whole family left, the parents still joking and the kids almost running away.)

Related:
A-moooo-sing Customers

Copy That, Not, Part 2

| Ontario, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(At our copy shop, we have prepaid cards to use in the self serve area. Sometimes, the cards don’t activate right after purchasing them. Any time this happens, simply inserting into the receipt printer will activate it. We’re not sure why, but it works.)

Customer: “My card won’t work!”

Me: “Oh, is it saying there’s no money on it?”

Customer: “Ya! And I gave you $3! It ate my money!”

Me: “No, it didn’t. Sometimes, the cards take a while to activate. All you have to do it is put it in the receipt printer, and then it will work. As soon as the card pops back out, it’ll be good to go.”

(The customer storms off. I watch her insert her card into the printer, and then stare are it for almost a minute after it pops back out. She then huffs and makes her way back over to me.)

Customer: “It’s still not working!”

Me: “Yep, it should be fixed now.”

Customer: “But it didn’t work!”

Me: “You haven’t tried to copy with it yet, though. Put it in the copier, and it will work for you.”

Customer: “Just put $3 on my card!”

Me: “I did already. It wasn’t working before, but I assure you, it will work now.”

Customer: “Look, I just want to make copies, and you’re making this difficult for me! I told you already the darn card isn’t working! I put it in the machine like you told me, and then it gave my card back!”

Me: “Yep, so it should work now.”

Customer: “But it didn’t print a receipt!”

Me: “Oh, that’s okay, it will still work. The only reason it didn’t print a receipt is because you haven’t made copies on it yet. But it will work now.”

Customer: “You’re not listening to me! It won’t work! I put it in that machine like you said and it’s still broken!”

Me: “Have you tried putting it into a copier yet?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “So, go try. It’ll work.”

Customer: *huffs and walks off to put it into a copier*

(It worked.)

Related:
Copy That, Not

Misery Works At Companies

| Blackwood, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a customer at a grocery store. It’s late evening, 9 pm or so. A customer is complaining about a sale price on a single bag of potato chips being one price, but they’re ringing up as another.)

Cashier: “Sir, the tag says right here: ‘Requires loyalty card.'”

Customer: “No, I don’t want your stupid card! Everywhere I go, they want me to get a f***in’ loyalty card! I just want my God-given potato chips for a God-lovin’ price!”

Cashier: “Sir, as you can see, the tag shows—”

Customer: “You know what? I don’t want your f***in’ potato chips. God doesn’t love people who don’t give their God-given discounts!” *storms out*

(I walk up and give the cashier a second to breathe.)

Me: “Hi, I hope your night gets better, and yes, I have my card. You have a great attitude, you did well, and the fact that you’re still smiling tells me you get these people a lot.”

Cashier: “You sound like you have an idea.”

Me: “3 years in retail and 15 in phone support. We get ’em all the time.”

They Call Her Cinderhella

| USA | Family & Kids

(I work at a register, and really enjoy interacting with kids that come through my line. I see a 4-year-old girl all dressed in pink.)

Me: “Hey there, pumpkin. How are you today?”

(The little girl crosses her arm, stomps her foot, and starts pouting.)

Little Girl: “I am NOT a pumpkin! I am a PRINCESS! Mommy, you tell her! I AM A PRINCESS!”

Me: “Yes, you certainly are…”

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