Verbal Profusion May Lead To Order Confusion

| Indiana, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a small casual dining restaurant. On this particular occasion, I am working on the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi! May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want three tenderloins.”

Me: “Alright, and is ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion okay on those?”

Customer: “No. On one, I want nothing.”

Me: “Okay, so plain?”

Customer: “Nothing but pickle.”

Me: “Okay, and on the other two?”

Customer: “On one, I want mayo and ketchup. But I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom.”

Me: “No problem, sir.”

Customer: “No! I want mayo on both sides and ketchup on the bottom and whatever else in the middle.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t put anything in the middle of the tenderloin. So, do you just want ketchup and mayo?”

Customer: “No, I mean I want mustard and mayo. Mustard on the top and mayo on the bottom. Um, I mean mayo on the top and mustard on the bottom. Ketchup.”

Me: *confused* “Okay, sir.”

Customer: “On the other one, I want mayo on both sides then everything on the bottom.”

Me:  “Okay, just to make sure I have your order right: you want one tenderloin with pickle only. You want another tenderloin with mayo on the top of the tenderloin and mustard on the bottom, then you would like a third tenderloin with ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion, and mayo on the bottom and then mayo on the top. Am I correct?”

Customer: “Yeah, the one with just mayo and mustard I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom. I mean, I want mustard on the bottom. Do you have it?”

Me: “I believe I do, sir. Please pull forward.”

(Note: I’ve had another customer waiting at the window to pay as I took the confusing customer’s order, and she has heard everything. I take her money and apologize for the delay.)

Me: “I’m sorry that took so long. I’m still not sure if I know what he wants.”

Other Customer: “I don’t think HE knows what he wants!”

Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 8

| Somerville, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

Customer: “Can I get two pounds of potato salad? The one on sale.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(At our store, the salad containers come in three sizes. The largest one holds roughly two pounds of salad. I fill the large container for the her and it weighs slightly over two pounds. I print out the price label.)

Customer: “Wait a second, you are ripping me off!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “How the h*** can it be over 6 dollars? It’s on sale!”

Me: “Ma’am, the salad is $2.99 a pound on sale. It’s slightly over two pounds, so that’s why it’s more than six dollars. Would you like me to take some salad out?”

Customer: “Bulls***! It’s only $2.99 a pound. That’s just over two dollars a pound. How can it be that much?”

Me: “Ma’am, ma’am… please, hear me out. It’s $2.99, right? That’s almost $3. If you add 3 and 3 together…”

Customer: “Do I look stupid to you? You add $2.99 and $2.99…”

(Suddenly, there is a look of realization in her eyes. She takes the salad from the counter and briskly turns away without saying another word.)

Related:
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 7
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 6
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire, Part 2

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

(A young customer is trying to purchase cigars, so I ask for his ID. Note: I’m Caucasian, and so is he.)

Customer: “Why you askin’ for my ID for cigars? They ain’t cigarettes.”

Me: “It is a tobacco product and illegal to sell to minors.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! Gimme a swisher! You’re just racist against me! Gimme a f***ing swisher!”

(Suddenly, the customer behind him speaks up. It turns out they’re a police officer.)

Officer: “He can’t without your ID. If you have a problem with it, let’s go outside. We can call your parents and we’ll have discussion about disturbing the peace.”

Customer: *turns pale and leaves*

Related:
Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire

Completin’ Ain’t Cheatin’

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Uncategorized

(My coworker is showing a customer a series of trivia games. Each revolves around a different subject: science, geography, presidents, etc.)

Coworker: “They’re a really fun way to learn new things, and the wide variety gives you a lot of options.”

Customer: “But what if the kids memorize all the answers?”

Coworker: “…Mission accomplished?”

Customer: “Oh… oh! Yeah, of course…”

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The Son Will Come Up, Tomorrow

| Denver, CO, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(Note: I am currently two weeks into my new job, and am the newest employee on staff. I’m working the drive-thru.)

Me: “Welcome to [coffee shop]. I hope you’re having a great morning! Can I take your order?”

Customer: “I want a nonfat venti latte, seven pumps of vanilla, extra whipped cream, and you’d better make it fast, b****! I can’t believe you folks are so slow. This is a DRIVE-THRU! I shouldn’t even have to stop my car!”

Me: *mortified* “We’ll have that right up for you. Please pull around for your total.”

(When the car reaches the window, I see that the woman’s adult son, a regular customer, is driving the car.)

Customer’s Son: “I’m so sorry about my mother. She’s a cranky old b**** who doesn’t know how to shut her mouth. Thanks for the coffee. Here’s a tip for putting up with her bulls***!”

(He drops a ten-dollar bill into our tip jar before driving off. He now comes back as a regular customer each morning—without his mother. He always tips generously and has something nice to say to me!)

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