This Caller Has No Hang Ups

| USA | Right | April 28, 2014

(I work in retention for a major credit card company. One of the strictest rules in our department is that, while you can suggest strongly that a customer hang up or call back, you cannot drop the call.)

Customer: “I was wondering if we could talk about my interest rate. I was noticing on my last- OH, GOD!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “OH! OH, GOD!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

Customer: “I’m fine. My husband just fondled my breast.”

(I turn bright red and her breathing becomes heavy.)

Customer: “OH, GOD, YES!”

Me: “Ma’am, if this is a bad time…”

Customer: “NO! I was saying, on my last statement, I noticed that my APR… OH, OH, OH, GOD, YES!”

(From the grunting and moaning on the other end of the line, I deduce that this is not just… um… a fondle. All this time, the woman keeps telling me that she wants to know if we can lower her APR. I finally had to mute the phone, turn down the mind-blowing orgasm that my customer was having and then answer her questions when she could focus again. Most awkward moment ever.)

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Bored To Death At School

| Long Island, NY, USA | Right | April 28, 2014

(I’m working as a cashier when a man and his young daughter (about nine or ten) come in. The girl looks upset.)

Me: *to the girl* “Hi, there! How was school?”

Girl: “I HATE school!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. What don’t you like about it?”

Girl: “Everything, except for lunch and recess.”

Me: “Well, what DO you like? What interests you?”

Girl: *looking me right in the eye and smiling* “DEATH!”

(Needless to say, I was speechless.)

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Fickle Over A Nickel

| PA, USA | Right | April 28, 2014

(The store where I work has a coffee booth near the express lane, where I am working one day. Customer #1, an elderly man, comes to my register with a small coffee. He puts a dollar, two quarters, and four pennies on my counter.)

Customer #1: “It should be $1.54 for this coffee, right?”

Me: “I think so. Let me check.”

(I ring it up and with tax it comes to $1.59.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. Looks like it’s actually $1.59. You were close though!”

(The man frowns and pulls out a wad of bills. He has twenties, tens, fives, and several more dollar bills.)

Customer #1: *muttering* “I might as well give you a twenty to get a nickel!” *stuffs all his money back in his pockets* “You can just keep the d*** coffee!”

(He storms off, leaving me speechless. The next customer stares after him.)

Customer #2: “Goodness! What was his problem?”

Me: “He was a nickel short for his coffee and didn’t want to give me another dollar instead.”

Customer #2: “Is that what all the fuss was about? Shoot, I could have given him a nickel!”

Me: “I have some dimes in my pocket, but I don’t think he would have accepted that either.”

Customer #2: *shaking her head* “Shame. It seems like he really could have used that coffee!”

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Mothers In Disguise

| OH, USA | Right | April 28, 2014

(I am shopping to get some polos for my mom and my little brother, who are at a concert. I am a 20-year-old woman; however, my voice makes me sound younger. I also love a particular robot franchise. I am searching the toy aisle for a figure that I don’t have, when I approach another customer in the aisle.)

Customer: *huffs, turns to her husband* “Look at her. Can’t keep them together.”

Me: *looks at her*

Customer: “Yes, I am talking about you! You shouldn’t be having children at your age!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “And how can you afford to spoil your kid? You can’t get a decent job like that!”

Me: *realizing what she is implying* “Actually, I can spoil my kids.” *reaches into my shopping basket to pull out a can of cat treats* “See?”

Customer: *crosses her arms*

Me: “This…” *pulls a buildable figure off the rack* “…is for me.”

Customer: “So immature!”

(I am used to getting criticism for liking the robot franchise, which is aimed at younger boys.)

Me: *shrugs* “So?

(Just then, the woman’s son peers from another aisle.)

Customer’s Son: “Mommy, I can’t find them with the Legos.” *looks at me* “Is that [Character]?”

Me: “Yes, it is!”

Customer’s Son: “That’s the one I want!”

Customer: *turns to face away*

Me: *kneels down to hand it to her son* “Do you have [Other Character]? He goes with [Character].”

Customer’s Son: “Really?”

Me: “Yep! They and [Third Character] make a group known as a trine. They’re best together.”

(The woman’s husband grabs the other character’s box as the woman sulks away.)

Customer’s Son: “Thank you! Sorry Mommy was mean. She said [Franchise] is for little kids and I’m a big boy, but now I know it’s for big girls, too!”

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5 Stories Of Customers At Easter

| Not Always Right | Right | April 27, 2014

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories About Customers At Easter! Even the Easter bunny would struggle serving this lot:

  1. Some-Bunny Was Cranky Today… (2,763 thumbs up)
  2. The Last Scupper (2,358 thumbs up)
  3. Tell Jesus It’s Time To Rise And Shine…Again (1,483 thumbs up)
  4. Peace On Earth, Or At Least During The Day Shift (1,678 thumbs up)
  5. Whoever Said Easter Isn’t Egg-citing Is Hopping Mad (4,065 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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