Don’t Fold Under Pressure

| UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work in a local bookshop that was recently taken over by a large chain store. Because of this, the manager is often in the other shop down the road, as they trust me to be able to handle anything. This shop also sells items for gift wrapping.)

Customer: “I have looked everywhere for your christening gift wrap. I find it disgusting that you don’t carry any. Get me your manager.”

Me: “I apologise, but I’m currently the only worker in the store. I’m sure we carry gift wrap for christening. Have you checked down the isle to your left?”

(The customer angrily goes to look. She comes back with some gift wrap mumbling about how I should be fired for being alone.)

Customer: “This one says ‘new baby’. That’s basically the same thing as christening, right?”

Me: “Uh, sure. Would you like this rolled or folded?”

Customer: “Ugh. You and your questions. Just roll it!”

(I begin to roll it.)

Customer: “No, no! What are you doing?! Are you deaf? I said fold.”

Me: “…of course, ma’am. I apologise.” *begins to gently fold it*

Customer: “No, no! What are you doing?! Don’t fold it. You’ll crease the paper. Then what will the baby think?! Give it here, I’ll do it myself!”

Me: “I apologise for creasing the paper. Here you go…”

Customer: *aggressively folds the paper anyway and leaves*

Did A Real Number On That Order

| Worcester, England, UK | Extra Stupid

(A customer calls up, saying she checked her account online and saw her order was cancelled.)

Customer: “Why was it cancelled? I never asked it to be cancelled!”

Me: “Well, it looks like when the order was placed, but the CVC was input incorrectly, so we were unable to take payment.”

Customer: “Well, who put it in incorrectly!?”

Me: “Umm, it was actually you who placed it online.”

Customer: “Well, why did no one bother calling me to let me know there was a problem!?”

Me: “When you set the order up online, you didn’t provide us with a contact number.”

Customer: *hangs up*

Receipt, Paper, Scissors

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

(I work as a cashier, and when we have no customers in line we move to the front of the lane to greet people and let them know our lane is open. Another cashier and I are at the front of our lanes chatting when a customer comes up.)

Other Cashier: “Hi, we are both open and can help.”

Customer: “Well, which of you wants to help me more?”

Me: “It doesn’t really matter to us.”

Customer: “Then how about you fight for the honor of checking out my items. You know; a fight to the death?”

Other Cashier: “We can’t do that.”

Me: “Yeah, too much blood. It’s a mess to clean up.”

Customer: “Fair enough. So, how about rock, paper, scissors?”

(We agree and play rock paper scissors to see who helps the customer. I ultimately lost, but it made the customer happy and was the highlight of the evening!)

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Auctions Speak Louder Than Words

| Nottingham, England, UK | Language & Words, Money

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached [me] at [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I sent my item back because I didn’t want it, and now you’re refusing to give me a refund.”

(I take the customer’s order number and details and see what our system says.)

Me: “According to our system, we received your item back on [date] and the refund should have been automatic.”

Customer: “Well, I haven’t got it, and I got an email today telling me you were going to auction my refund!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you can’t even do a simple refund! How stupid are you? I’ve shopped with you for a very long time, but I never will again! How dare you auction my things?”

(The customer goes on like this for a few minutes, accusing the company of stealing her money and me of being too stupid to help her. Once she stops, I get a chance to reply.)

Me: “Okay. Might the e-mail say we’re actioning your refund”?”

Customer: *hangs up*

Fare The Horde

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal & Illegal, Money, Top, Transportation

(On my Seattle bus, a passenger tries to slip in through the back door and sneak to a seat without paying.)

Bus Driver: “Please come up and pay, sir.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks and ignores him*

Bus Driver: “Sir, please come up and pay.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *continues ignoring him*

(Fed up, I intervene.)

Me: “That’s you, bro.”

Fare-evading Passenger: *smirks again*

(I wait a few seconds before I get up, walk over, and pull out one of his ear-buds.)

Me:Look. I got three hours of sleep last night, I’m having a bad morning, and you are not going to make me late for work. Get your self-entitled a** up there and pay your d*** fare!”

Fare-evading Passenger: *slinks up to the front of the bus and pays*

(Note that I’m wearing a t-shirt with “Thrall” from World of Warcraft. Another passenger at the front notices and shouts back towards me…)

Another Passenger: “FOR THE HORDE!”

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