Fight For Your Right

| Birmingham, England, UK | Food & Drink, Movies & TV, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I’m making a movie with a few friends for my college course. We decide to make a bar room brawl scene. We are in my local pub early one morning whilst they’re closed, and have just finished kitting the room out with glasses, stools, and pool cues that will break easy and not hurt. We have just switched the cameras, and are about to start when a man stumbles in, obviously still drunk.)

Drunk: “I want a beer.”

Me: “Sorry mate, this bar is closed.”

Drunk: “Then why they all drinking?!”

(The drunk indicates to my friends, as I’m behind the bar.)

Me: “We are making a movie right now. Go home and sober up a bit.”

Drunk: “No, I want a f****** beer, and you’re gonna serve me!”

My Friend: *winking* “Just give him a beer mate; he isn’t hurting anyone.”

Me: *catching on* “Don’t you start. You have had enough as well!”

My Friend: “Eat wood!”

(My friend picks up a stool and swings it at my head. Suddenly, we all start our fight scene around the drunk. After a few minutes, when everything is broken, and we’ve all been ‘knocked out,’ I leap over the bar and grab a cricket bat, break it, and aim it at the drunk.)

Me: “Still want that drink, fella?”

Drunk: “I don’t want no trouble!” *backs out and staggers out of the bar quickly*

Canada: America’s Hat, Part 7

| Québec City, QC, Canada | Canada, Money, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a café in the old city in Québec, which is a very popular tourist destination. A couple approaches the counter.)

Me: “Bonjour, hello.”

Customer: “Hello! You take American money, right?”

Me: “Ooh, I’m afraid not. Would you like to pay with a card? We take debit and credit.”

Customer: “Why don’t you take American dollars?”

Me: “Because this isn’t the United States.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?!”

Me: “Canada is a different country. May I ask where you’re visiting from?”

Customer: “New Zealand.”

Me: “Right, I thought I recognized the accent. Would you take it kindly if I came to your city and tried to use Australian dollars?”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: “Well, it’s the same deal here. Now would you like to pay with a card?”

Customer: “CANADA IS PART OF THE UNITED STATES; YOU’RE ALL JUST IN DENIAL!”

Related:
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
Canada: America’s Hat

Not Open To Interpretation

| OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Language & Words

(I work in a call center. We have a dedicated line for Spanish-speaking customers, but for anyone speaking anything else, we would use an interpreter service. I am on a call between the interpreter and the customer.)

Me: “Can you tell him that, since his phone has water damage, his warranty doesn’t cover it?”

(The interpreter translates this, and the customer shouts angrily for a few seconds.)

Coworker: “What did he say?”

Interpreter: “I don’t want to tell you.”

Coworker: “Oh, come on, now I really want to know.”

Interpreter: “Ok, well…”

(The interpreter repeats back a profanity laced diatribe about me, my family, the phone and the company.)

Coworker: “…wow, he said all that in that one little sentence?”