Maybe They Already Hit Their Head

| CA, USA | Right | November 23, 2013

(It’s roughly an hour before closing time, which is when things start to wind down. However, in pops one middle-aged and very confused-looking customer holding a helmet.)

Me: “Howdy, ma’am! Do you need any help?”

Customer: “Um… well I’m very confused. My sister—she lives in Hawaii, you know—she bought me this helmet, and, I don’t know why this is, but it’s too small.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am! Would you like to look at some of our helme—”

Customer: “I just don’t understand! Why would my sister buy me a helmet that’s too small? It doesn’t make sense! It should fit me no matter what!”

(This dialogue continues for several minutes, each time with me explaining something partially before the customer returns to going on about how she’s confused. Eventually I do manage to bring her over to the helmet displays.)

Me: “The helmets start at $35, and we do have a model that’s the same as what your sister gave you, but it comes in diff—”

Customer: “There’s so many! Why are there so many different helmets? This is very confusing to me!”

(I take the time to quickly and simply explain differences—or so I think.)

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m so confused! Let me try on this one! Is this one going to fit me?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. It should fit. Why don’t you try it on?”

(She does eventually try on the helmet, after much deliberation and stating that she’s confused. This continues for another half hour. Eventually, she’s decided on a helmet, and I think I”m finally out of this ordeal.)

Me: “You made a good choice, ma’am! Now let me just go ahead get this back in the box and ring you up!”

(The customer stares blankly into space for a few moments.)

Customer: “I’m… I don’t know what to think. I’ll have to go home and think about this more. I’m very confused.” *leaves*

(My coworker, who has witnessed the entire lengthy exchange, speaks up.)

Coworker: “Dude, I’m so, so sorry.”

Me: *pained, sheepish grin*

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Mile High Blood Pressure

| Right | November 23, 2013

Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7

| Derby, England, UK | Right | November 22, 2013

(I have recently started working part time at a locally-run video game store while I’m studying Law at the college. We have just gone over Statutory Instruments in class. A customer who looks about 14 walks in, picks up a copy of GTA 5, and walks to the counter.)

Customer: “Just this game, mate.”

Me: “Thats £40. Can I see some ID, please?”

Customer: “You can just let it slide, right? I mean, what’s the worst that could happen to you? I’m clearly 18 and just forgot my ID.”

Me: “Actually, selling age restricted goods to a minor is a statutory offence under the Children and Young Persons Act 1933 where the owners of this shop would be liable for prosecution. All that needs to be proved is that you bought the game and we are liable. I would lose my job and this place would more than likely shut down, so that’s the ‘worst that could happen.'”

Customer: “…So, is that a no?”

Me: “A large no.”

Customer: *runs out the door*

Manager: *to me* “I’m glad we chose you over the other guy!”

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

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A High Infidelity Phone

| Absecon, NJ, USA | Right | November 22, 2013

(A customer of around 45 comes up to me. I am a 21-year-old girl.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I was wondering if I had enough memory on my phone for the movies I’ve downloaded, and to download more?”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure. Let’s go up to the mobile consultant. He should be able to answer that.”

(I start walking to the consultant, who is on the other side of the store. The customer stops me after about a foot, and pulls out his phone.)

Customer: “You see, I have all these movies; they’re short, but I have about 150 of them. And I have 32 GB of memory. I also don’t want my wife to see them, but I don’t want a separate memory card.”

Me: “I mean, I don’t know much about phones, but that seems like it should be sufficient.”

(The customer starts scrolling through his “movies,” which are clearly adult in nature.)

Customer: “I just got a Galaxy. The movies are so clear!”

(He starts to play several porn videos, as I stand there, shocked.)

Customer: “I’m hiding them from my wife. So, 32 GB should be good?”

Me: “Uh… yeah. Seems like it…”

Laptop Flop, Part 5

| Finland | Right | November 22, 2013

(A customer walks in with a cheap supermarket-branded laptop. She insists it’s only a tiny problem, but it turns out to be a malware-ridden horror show with no anti-virus software installed at all. I spend over 30 minutes cleaning it up with the customer standing behind my back. I recommend installing an anti-virus package, which the customer refuses. She then picks up her machine, and tries to walk out.)

Me: “Excuse me, aren’t you forgetting something?”

Customer: “…Huh?”

Me: “The service fee is 45 euros.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! The computer was already expensive, and now this?!”

Me: “I guess we couldn’t go on for long if we worked for free.”

Customer: “But this is what you nerds do on your free time anyway!”

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 4
Laptop Flop, Part 3
Laptop Flop, Part 2
Laptop Flop

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