The Nineties Called…

| RI, USA | Right | March 21, 2014

(I work next to the electronics department. I am in the area when two customers walk up to an electronics associate.)

Customer: “Do you sell any VHS?”

Associate: “No, ma’am. We sell dvd players, though.”

Customer: “What’s DVD?”

(Associate proceeds to explain DVDs, still remaining very professional.)

Customer: “But you don’t have any VHS?! I find that hard to believe! Couldn’t you check the back room in case you have one lying around?”

Associate: “Ma’am, we haven’t sold VHS in years.”

Customer: “So you can’t check?”

Associate: “We don’t carry any VHS products anymore.”

Customer: “UNBELIEVABLE! How do you not carry VHS?! You’re gonna lose customers like that.”

(There is awkward silence. I’m a few feet away trying really hard not to laugh. But it’s not over yet.)

Customer: “What about [Brand Name]s? Do you have portable cassette [Brand Name]s?”

Associate: “We don’t have any cassette products anymore either.”

(The customer is genuinely bewildered at this point. She eventually decides to purchase a dvd player.)

Associate: “… And how will you be paying today?”

(The customer hands over a credit card.)

Associate: “Ma’am, this card is expired. In fact the card expired in the early 2000s.”

Customer: “WHAT?! No wonder you guys are going out of business. Can’t even take my payment!”

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Grand Theft Insolence

| Oxfordshire, England, UK | Right | March 21, 2014

(A mother and son approach my till with a carrier bags full of games to trade in. Some of them are 15- and 18-rated. The boy is approximately 11 years old.)

Mother:  “We’d like to trade these in for credit, please.”

Me: “No problem. Do you know what you’d like to buy with the credit?”

(I start swiping the games through the till. The mum looks at the boy, who shakes his head.)

Me: “That’s okay. I can put it onto a gift card for you, or I can give you a price for what we’d give you in cash, instead?”

Boy: “A gift card.”

Mother: *to the boy* “Please!”

Boy: “A gift card, please.”

Mother: “But won’t this leave you without ANY games?”

Boy: “Yeah, but Dad’s going to come to town with me tomorrow to get GTA Fi—” *trails off and looks up at me… knowing he’s put his foot in it*

Me: “Oh… uh…” *to mother* “I feel I should mention that GTA is an 18-rated game for a VERY good reasons. In the game there is a torture scene—”

Mother: “What?!”

Me: “… Your son’s character can also pick up, have sex with, then murder prostitutes. There’s also—”

Mother: “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” *turning to son, who is now looking like he’s been caught in a lie* “You KNEW about this, didn’t you?! NO WAY are you having that, and NO WAY your dad would let you have that either. Oh, god…”

Me: “I, uh… could go on, but I guess I don’t need to.”

(The mother is obviously shocked at what she was about to buy for her son. I explain the video game ratings system to her so she can make informed decisions in future, and write down a good review website I know of so she can research. All the while the kid is getting more and more frustrated realising he’s not going to get what he wants.)

Boy: *to mother* “I’m NOT talking to you.”

Mother: “Oh, really? I think you’re forgetting who bought you all of these games.” *turning to me* “I’ll take the cash price on these, please.”

(The mother then proceeds to sell ALL of the son’s games to me for cash, which she puts into her wallet. She then thanks me for my help, turns, and leaves, leaving her son shocked and GTA-5-less at my counter.)

Related:
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 6
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 5
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 4
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 3
Grand Theft Innocence, Part 2
Grand Theft Innocence

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Not The Cream Of The Crop, Part 2

, | USA | Right | March 21, 2014

(One very early morning, I have just made a customer a hot mocha.)

Customer: “Um, I think there’s something wrong with my drink. It’s really cold. It’s not even lukewarm!”

Me: “I’m so sorry! Maybe I hit the iced button by accident. Let me remake that for you.”

(I proceed to remake the drink, being extra careful to make it perfectly.)

Me: “All done! Again, sorry about that.”

(The customer takes a tiny sip and slams the cup back on the counter.)

Customer: “It’s still cold!”

Me: “Sir… that was the whipped cream. Your coffee is underneath it.”

Related:
Not The Cream Of The Crop

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Their Team Aren’t On A (Tootsie) Roll

| NC, USA | Right | March 21, 2014

(I’m volunteering at a college basketball game. A fellow volunteer and I are tasked with checking bags at the pre-game party for donors to an alumni organization. Many of the people attending this party are older and attend every single game, so they know the drill. Bags are searched to prevent people from bringing in alcohol or outside food.)

Me: “Hello. Can I check your bag?”

Customer: “Sure, hon.” *she holds her purse open for me*

Me: “Could you pull that out for me, please?”

(I indicate what looks to be a ziplock bag, as it is underneath a few of her items and I cannot see what is in it.)

Customer: “Alrighty.”

(The customer pulls out the bag, which I can now see contains several Tootsie Rolls.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to leave that here. We don’t allow any outside food.”

Customer: “But I have to bring them in! It’s tradition!”

Me: “I apologize, but you have to leave them here.”

Customer: “You don’t understand! I’m bringing them for my friend. He passes them out every time at halftime to make sure [Home Team] wins!”

Me: “Sorry, but I can’t let you take them in. It’s the stadium’s policy.”

Customer: “Well, then, if [Home Team] loses it’ll be all your fault!”

Me: *doing my very best to remain serious* “I guess I’ll have to take that risk.”

(Her team did lose. The group I volunteer with jokingly threatened to make me apologize to the players.)

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The Joys Of Retail #144

| Right | March 21, 2014

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