Fashions Of Dorothy

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids

(A customer walks in, and I start helping her out with styles and sizes. Her mom walks in right behind her while I’m starting a fitting room.)

Me: “So, I’m just going to start you out with these styles first. Let me know how they fit.”

Daughter: “Okay, thanks!”

(While she’s trying her clothes on, I’m folding product and talking to my coworker.)

Mom: “Excuse me, sir!”

Me: “Yes! How’s everything going?”

Mom: “Are you gay?”

Me: *chuckling* “Excuse me?”

Mom: “Are you gay? You’re well groomed, well dressed, and smell good… and, all gay guys look and smell like you. Plus, you know what looks good.”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Mom: “Tell me, how does my daughter look in that outfit? Would you let her be your Hag?”

Daughter: *blood-shot face* “MOM!” *to me* “I’m sorry, sir.”

Mom: “What?! The gays always have beautiful girls surrounding them!”

Thank God His Name Isn’t Johnson

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

(I’m ringing up a middle-aged lady.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card?”

Customer: “Yes… last name is ‘Jones.'”

Me: “Under ‘Jonathan?'”

Customer: “Yes, as much as possible!”

Me: *stunned silence*

Abandon All Mope Ye Who Enter Here

| Victoria, Australia | Awesome Customers, Love/Romance, Top

(I’m a 21-year-old girl at work and feeling a bit sad, having broken up with my long-term boyfriend earlier in the week. One of our regular customers, who is 24, is standing around talking to me and my female coworker. Another regular customer, a lovely elderly German man who we call ‘Dante’ because of his favourite game, comes in shortly afterwards.)

Me: *to Dante* “Hello! How’s Dante’s Inferno going?”

Dante: “Oh, it’s just great! I love it. But I’ve been playing some other games lately…”

(He goes on to tell us what he’s been up to. The young customer joins the conversation, too. Once Dante has finished telling us what games he’s playing, he turns to the young customer.)

Dante: “So, why do you hang around here, young man? I hope you’re not troubling these lovely girls.”

Young Customer: “Nah, I just hang around and talk, really.”

Dante: “Ahh, I see. You like one of these girls, huh? I know you do!”

Young Customer: *laughs and turns red* “How do you know that?”

Dante: “Well, if you come in every day just to chat, you must not have a girlfriend.” *turns to me* “Darling, are you single?”

Me: “Umm, yeah. I am.”

Dante: “You two should get together! You’re nice and he’s nice…” *turns back to the young customer* “…and you’d get free games!”

Young Customer: “Oh, I dunno. She probably wouldn’t give me free games.”

Dante: “Yes, she would! You’d be her boyfriend. She’d have to!” *turns to me and steps closer, talking softly in my ear* “Just think about it, yes? He’s a good boy. He’d be lucky to have a girl like you!”

Me: *grinning ear-to-ear* “Thanks, I’ll think about it!”

(Two months later, I realised how much of a ‘good boy’ the young customer really was, and it turned out that he’d had a crush on me for a while. We’ve been seeing each other for 8 months now, and a few weeks ago I ran into Dante at a local coffee shop. When I told him he’d been right about us, he was over the moon!)

Business Cat Like A Boss

| USA | Pets & Animals, Top

(Note: We are a very small vet clinic and have no office manager. We do have a clinic cat which stays at the counter during the day and he has been jokingly called our office manager.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you today?”

Caller: “Good afternoon! I’d like to make an appointment today for my dog’s vaccines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re completely booked for today. We’re looking at some time late this week or early next week.”

(Suddenly, the heretofore nice caller goes completely ballistic. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs.)

Caller: “LISTEN, I WANT AN APPOINTMENT NOW! How dare you talk to me in that tone! You make me an appointment for today, right now!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re booked for today.”

Caller: “You are such a liar! I have never been treated like this before! You are the most rude person I have EVER talked to! I WILL HAVE YOU FIRED. I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR OFFICE MANAGER, RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “We don’t have an office manager here, sir. I can have you speak to the owner, though.”

Caller: “Don’t you lie to me! I’LL HAVE YOUR A** FIRED. PUT ME ON RIGHT NOW!”

(This goes on for a few minutes. I try to calm him down and have him speak to the owner, but he keeps screaming. I look up to see our clinic cat watching me and I get an idea.)

Me: “Sir, you’re right. We do have an office manager, but he wasn’t in yet so I had to tell you we didn’t have one.”

(He keeps ranting, and I put the phone near our cat. Note that he’s yelling loud enough for me to hear. The man continues to scream over the phone for a couple minutes before he pauses.)

Caller: “You’re going to tell that to your employee, right?!”

Clinic Cat: “Meow?”

Caller: *hangs up*

A-moooo-sing Customers, Part 2

| France | Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top, Tourists/Travel

(We’re located in a small village in a rural area, but each year, we have plenty of foreign tourists. I’m the only person fluent in english at the office. One day, a family of tourists (a father, a mother and their teenage son and daughter) walk in.)

Father: *in French* “Hello, sir. Can you help me to find how to go to a few places? I can’t find them on my map.”

Me: *in French* “Sure, let me show you. May I see your map?”

(As I show the father directions on his map, I see the kids giggling and chatting in English in the back. They’re making fun of my coworker.)

Daughter: *in English* “God, this guy looks so stupid!”

Son: *in English* “Totally! Look at his eyes! It totally looks like a cow’s eyes!”

Daughter: *in English* “And look at his hair! Soooo dorky!”

(The father says nothing, despite clearly hearing them.)

Father: *in French* “Alright, I think I got it. Thank you for your time.”

Me: “Mooooooooooooooo!”

Father: *in French* “What are you doing?!”

Me: *grinning, in English* “That’s the cow word for ‘Have a nice day.'”

(The parents and their two children stay stunned for a second. Then, both parents start to laugh and the kids turn cherry red.)

Mother: *laughing, in English* “Weren’t expecting that now, you two?”

(Embarrassed, the kids try to leave, but the parents grab them both by their shoulders.)

Son: *in English* “Let me go, Dad!”

Father: *still laughing, in English* “We’re not leaving until both of you apologize to this man!”

(The parents refused to move or let them go until I received an apology from both kids. The whole family left, the parents still joking and the kids almost running away.)

Related:
A-moooo-sing Customers

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