Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 4

| Greeley, CO, USA | Bizarre

(I am known at my job for having interesting colored hair. I had it purple for about two months before I changed it to black with purple streaks. It is now a lot more subtle, and I really like it.)

Customer: “What did you do to your hair!?”

Me: “I dyed it.”

Customer: “No, you ruined it! I come in here all the time and I loved to look over and see your funky hair! It made me long for my wild days when I used to do crank. You just ruined my life!”

(I am speechless, and trying to ring her up as quick as possible. At this point, my wonderful manager comes over.)

Customer: “Do you have kids?!”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Manager: “I do.”

Customer: *to my manager* “You lie to your kids! Santa isn’t real! My kids knew the truth! There is only Jesus! And drugs aren’t bad! You lie to kids!”

(She grabs her things and leaves in a huff.)

Me: *to my manager* “What the h*** was that?!”

Related:
Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3
Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
Makes You Want To Dye A Little

Tall Tail Tales

| BC, Canada | Pets & Animals

(I am working in the lobby of a large museum. We have a whale skeleton hanging from the ceiling. On a different floor, there is a limited time exhibit on dinosaurs.)

Woman: *points to large hanging skeleton* “Excuse me, what kind of animal is that?”

Me: “That’s a whale. It’s one of our prize—”

Woman: “That can’t be a whale! It has a tail!”

Me: “Um, I can assure you it’s a whale. Whales have tails.”

Woman: “Oh, I see. It’s like one of those weird prehistoric shark things?”

Me: “Well, actually this is an average modern-day whale—”

Woman: “But this is the dinosaur museum! And it’s got a tail!”

Me: “Actually, the dinosaur exhibit’s right upstairs.”

Woman: “Great! Maybe someone up there will be able to tell me what this is.”

Me: “It’s a whale.”

Woman: “It has a tail!”

H2-Woah, Part 2

| London, UK | Bizarre, Money

Me: “Hey, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I would like two bottles of water, please.”

(I give the water to the customer.)

Me: “That’s £5 please.”

Customer: “Excuse me? How much?”

Me: “£2.50 each, so £5.”

Customer: “That’s disgusting. How do you get away with charging that much for water? I am only willing to pay 50p for both as it’s only bottled tap water.”

Me: “It’s not tap water; it’s mineral water. Tap water is free if you want it.”

(The customer hands me £10.)

Customer: “I expect £9.50 change as I’m not paying that much.”

(I hand the customer £5 change.)

Me: “No, it’s £5 change.”

Customer: “I’m just f***ing with you. You’re just so beautiful I thought you deserved some abuse!”

Related:
H2-Woah

A Cold Replay Post Coldplay

| TX, USA | Musical Mayhem, Rude & Risque

(We’re at a party during a large music festival. Drinks are free, and there are a number of other activities at the event. We’re standing in line for the video photo booth. The employee operating the booth overhears our conversation.)

Me: “I pity whoever has to review all of these drunken videos.”

Employee: “That would be me.”

Me: “Oh… they make you look through every one of them?”

Employee: “Yeah, I’ve seen so many bare breasts.”

Me: “They flash the camera? Don’t they have to sign away their rights to the footage?”

Employee: “Yeah, but here’s the thing you have to know about drunk girls at a music festival: They aren’t very smart.”

A Borderline Liar

| CA, USA | Liars & Scammers

(A customer is paying with her credit card.)

Me: “I just need to see your card and ID.”

(She hands me her YMCA card.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry. I need a valid ID.”

Customer: “That is a valid ID.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I need either a state issued ID or a military ID.”

(She looks through her wallet but can’t find her ID.)

Me: “I’m sorry, did you want to use another form of payment?”

Customer: “No, this is ridiculous. I use this card everywhere I go for identification. I’ve even passed through immigration with this.”

Me: “Really? With your YMCA card?”

Customer: “Yes! At the airport, all you need is an ID with a picture on it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry ma’am, I guess we are just not as lenient as Homeland Security.”

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