The Game Of Life

| TN, USA | Right | March 24, 2014

Customer: “Sir, do you know anything about video games?”

Me: “Yeah, I do, but it depends on which games. I haven’t played them all yet.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be playing video games! You are a young man. Go make a d*** family!”

(I look down at the floor at this point as the customer is scolding me.)

Customer: “Were you just looking at my daughters a**!?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t!”

Customer: “Is she not GOOD enough for you?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m gay…”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be that either!”

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Telling Porkies About The Chicken

Kansas City, MO, USA | Right | March 24, 2014

(I work in the meat department of a grocery store. A customer brings back a package of chicken to be exchanged. She does not have her receipt so I need to ensure we actually carry the chicken and also make sure I get the weight correct on her exchange. The chicken is wrapped in tin foil and then again in a plastic shopping bag. You could smell a faint odor when you get near it but as I deal with spoiled meat occasionally, it isn’t a big deal.)

Customer: “I bought this yesterday and it’s spoiled. I just want to exchange it for the same thing.”

Me: “That’s no problem, ma’am. Just let me get the brand and the size for you and I’ll get it.”

Customer: “Oh, I really don’t think you want to open that dear. It’s pretty bad.”

Me: “Be that as it may, I have to open it.”

(Upon opening the initial plastic we discover the tin foil it’s wrapped in. The customer service associate next to me gags and runs from the room. The smell actually makes my throat burn. Nevertheless I have to open it. It’s wrapped in four layers of tin foil and 2 layers of plastic wrap. When I release the last layer of tin foil and can actually see the chicken, it actually makes a ‘burp’ sound as the gas is released. The chicken is green, like pea soup color. I cannot read the label, for all the slime, to see when the expiration date was.)

Customer: “See, I told you! It’s awful! Wrap it back up, for goodness sake!”

Me: “Ma’am, when did you say you bought this package?”

Customer: “Yesterday morning. I was going to cook it for supper last night.”

Me: “And it looked like that when you bought it?”

Customer: “No, of course not. Who would buy chicken that looked like that!”

Me: “I’m going to have to get my manager.”

(My manager comes over and opens the chicken very briefly. He asks the same questions and gets the same answers.)

Manager: “Ma’am, it’s 104 degrees outside. Did you, by chance, buy this a few days ago and leave it in your car?”

Customer: ” Absolutely not! I bought it yesterday and I want another package of chicken! Now hurry up. I have things to do.”

Manager: “I’m sorry; I can’t exchange this. There is no way this went bad in your refrigerator overnight. In fact, I think you could have left it on your counter and it wouldn’t smell this bad.”

(After arguing about it for another 20 minutes the customer picked up the package and threw it on the ground. It exploded green chicken slime which landed on the computers and registers nearby, and all over me, my manager, and the customers waiting in line, including a small child. Two customers actually vomited. I was forced to clean the mess. The real sting in the tale is that the customer with the child sued the store and won a $20,000 settlement.)

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5 Stories Of Spring Break!

| Not Always Right | Right | March 23, 2014

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories Of Spring Break! It’s spring break, where more idiots than you’d think descend upon coastal towns to cause mayhem and wreak havoc, as you can see in these stories below:

  1. Put Them In The Hot Seat (1,806 thumbs up)
  2. Jellyfishing For Giggles (2,056 thumbs up)
  3. TMI (Too Much Information) (2,366 thumbs up)
  4. Stuck In The Wake Of Spring Break (1,501 thumbs up)
  5. Getting Chesty About The Law (2,247 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

Smile, And The World Scowls With You

| TX, USA | Right | March 23, 2014

Me: *sick and feeling nauseated* “Hi. Did you find everything okay, ma’am?” *starts to scan her items*

Customer: “I found everything.” *scowls at me* “You should smile more when you’re greeting people.”

Me: “I usually do. I’m not feeling well today, but I couldn’t call in. It’s a Saturday, which means we have a lot of balloon orders—”

Customer: “Whatever. We don’t care if you feel like dog s***. The customer is always right, and if I say I want a smile, I expect a d*** smile.”

Me: “Um, sorry, ma’am.” *tries a smile* “Your total is [total].”

Customer: *rolls her eyes and throws money at me* “It’s a wonder you have a job at all with that kind of attitude.” *storms out*

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Failed The Geek Test

| SC, USA | Right | March 23, 2014

Customer: “Do you have The Hobbit?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s back in SciFi/Fantasy. Alphabetical by author’s last name. Tolkien.”

Customer: “Why is The Hobbit in SciFi/Fantasy?”

Me: “Uhh…”

Customer: “It’s a test.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *visibly annoyed* “Health Occupational Basics Entrance Test. Why is it in SciFi? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Me: “Oh! Hold on.” *looks it up on the computer* “Yeah, we don’t have anything like that in the store. I can order something if you want.”

Customer: “What?! I called earlier and the woman I talked to said you had it in the store.”

Me: “Yeah… she probably thought you were talking about The Hobbit. Do you want me to order a title for you?”

Customer: “NO!” *walks out with a huff*

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