No Scan, No Scam

| Newton, NJ, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

(I work in a store in a small town where most of the customers are elderly and sweet. If a price doesn’t come up, I will generally trust a customer if they say they know the exact price.)

Me: “Oh, there’s no bar code on this.”

Customer: “Well, it was $39.99, but I guess that doesn’t help you.”

Me: “Well, I can enter it manually. You’re sure it was $39.99?”

Customer: “Actually, it was…$19.99.”

Me: “Sir, do you really want me to call for a price check and make you and all the people behind you wait ten minutes for someone to come up here?”

Customer: *defeated* “…It was $39.99.”

Guess Who’s Flapping To Dinner

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

Customer: “This may sound odd, but we’re looking for a light with a finish that’s resistant to…um…bird poop.”

Me: “I’m guessing you have a pet? Well, no finish is going to stand up completely to that kind of thing, but we can look at a few things. What kind of light are you looking for?”

Customer: “It’s for over our kitchen table.”

(I proceed to find them some lights. Later on as I’m helping them out to their car…)

Me: “Oh, I never did ask the name of your bird!”

Customer: “Well, we have about 70 of them. Bye!” *drives off*

Coworker: “Remind me not to accept any of their dinner invitations.”

Going Native

| Kansas City, KS, USA | History

(We have our patients review their insurance/contact information before their visit roughly once a year. This ensures that everything that we have on file is up-to-date.)

Old Man: *looks over information* “There’s something on here that I want to change.”

Old Man’s Wife: “Honey, our address and phone number have been the same for 20 years. What could you want to change?”

Old Man: “Right here where it says ‘Caucasian,’ it should say ‘Native American.'”

Old Man’s Wife: “Why would it need to say ‘Native American?’ You’re not an Indian, honey. You were born in Kentucky.”

Old Man: “Yeah, I was born in Kentucky. Kentucky is in America. I was born in America. That makes me a NATIVE American!” *shakes head*

Surrogate Swearers

| Hampshire, UK | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Top

(I am working on a till that frequently has problems with the scanner. I attempt to scan a customer’s item, but the barcode won’t go through and I mouth a swear to myself.)

Customer: “Go on, say it.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer’s Husband: “What did she do?”

Customer: “Swore under her breath.” *turns back to me* “You can say it. Vents the frustrations!”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m not allowed to swear in front of the customers.”

Customer: “Shall I say it for you?”

Me: “If you like.”

Customer: “Bugger!”

Me: “Ah, I feel better now.”

Never Say No To La Novia

| Roselle, NJ, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Top

(I am watching my girlfriend’s two-year-old sister near the counter while she does her shopping. Her sister is learning to talk in Spanish, so I’m quizzing her with colors. While we’re playing, a seven-year-old girl approaches us and asks to play because she takes Spanish at school. Everything is fine until the girl’s mother comes.)

Mother: “Leona, what are you doing? You know not to bother people.”

Me: “Oh, she’s not, ma’am. She just asked to play with me and my girlfriend’s sister.”

Mother: “Girlfriend?” *thinks for a few moments* “Oh, a close friend! Sorry, I was thinking you meant a girl you were dating.”

Me: “I did. I am dating a girl. This little girl is her sister and your daughter was just playing with us. She wasn’t bothering us.”

Mother: “What?! Leona, you were playing with a homo?!? Come over here, right now!”

(In tears, the girl slowly approaches her mother, who yells at her about how she knows better than to interact with “h***-bound sinners” like me. She then chides me for “sinning” around such a small child, referring to my girlfriend’s sister. While I’m speechless, a man comes up, who I assume is the girl’s father.)

Father: *to the mother* “I got the rest of the stuff. What are you yelling about?”

Mother: *to her daughter* “Tell Daddy what you did!”

(In hysterics, the girl tells her father what happened, ending her telling by clinging to his leg and apologizing over and over. I’m feeling dreadful and very guilty and am near tears myself. But to my surprise, this happens.)

Father: *to the mother* “Are you serious?! What is wrong with you?! I don’t even know why I came out with you! Just go wait in the car! Sheesh!”

(The mother, now apparently embarrassed, exits the store. The father calms his daughter down and apologizes to her and me before leaving. Right after they leave, my girlfriend comes up, having seen the whole thing.)

My Girlfriend: “I actually know that family. The father moved in next door to me two weeks ago. That girl’s parents are divorced and her parents have joint custody of her, but today is her birthday and she wanted to be with both of them together. They said yes to make her happy, but I don’t think that’ll happen again.”

(A few weeks later, my girlfriend tells me the father got full custody of his daughter. Now, she and my girlfriend’s sister play together on a daily basis, and I occasionally help her with her Spanish homework.)

Page 1,735/3,042First...1,7331,7341,7351,7361,737...Last