Sunset Should Be Childs-Play

| UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(Every week during the summer, we have an evening where we open late with all sorts of activities, ending with a huge firework display. On these days the phone rings off the hook.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [park name].”

Customer: “Hello, I just wanted to check; is it today you have the fireworks?”

Me: “Yep, that’s today! There are loads going on around the park all afternoon and evening.”

Customer: “That’s great! What time are the fireworks?”

Me: “We’re aiming to set them off around nine o’clock.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! Why does everyone have fireworks so late?! I have young children! They’ll be in bed by then! You’re a children’s park; you should have them at about five so my children can see them!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s not dark until about nine.”

Customer: “So?!”

Poo Poo Your Oui Oui

| Canada | Bigotry, Language & Words

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [restaurant]; will it just be the two of you dining today?”

Woman: *in a thick French accent* “Yes, two.”

(The female customer then turns to her male companion and begins speaking very angrily in French.)

Woman: “This is just terrible; no one here speaks French. This is discrimination; we should be able to get service in our own language.”

Me: *speaking French* “I apologize. I didn’t realize that the two of you spoke French. I’d be more than happy to help you today!”

Woman: *speaking English* “Ugh! Your French is just awful! Don’t even bother; I’m going to speak English. I don’t want to have to listen to your terrible accent for our entire meal.”

When Humans Fail The Turing Test

, | Hertfordshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

(I work on the drive thru.)

Me: “Hi there, can I take your order?”

Customer: “HELLO?”

Me: “Hi, can I take your order please?”

Customer: “CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I can hear you. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I WANT TO PLACE AN ORDER.”

Me: “Umm, yeah, can I take your order please?”

Customer: “CAN I PLACE MY F****** ORDER?”

Me: “Sir, can you hear me? I’m asking for your order?”

Customer: “OF COURSE I CAN F****** HEAR YOU! I’M NOT DEAF! I JUST WANT A CHEESEBURGER! THAT’S ALL I WANT!”

Me: “Okay, sir, drive to the first window to pay.”

(The customer drives around, and looks furious. He pays by card.)

Customer: “It says ‘insert card’.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, does that mean now?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, please insert your card and follow the instructions.”

Customer: “Well now it’s saying ‘please wait’!”

Me: “Yes, the machine is just checking your card. Please wait.”

Customer: “‘Insert pin,’ does it mean the pin for this card, or my credit card?”

Me: “It means insert your pin for the card in the machine.”

(The customer finally pays and drives off, only to return moments later.)

Me: “Hello, sir, can I help?”

Customer: “HELLO?! HELLO ORDER-ROBOT! THIS CHEESEBURGER HAS PICKLES; I DON’T WANT PICKLES! AND I DIDN’T GET MY FRIES AND DRINK! ORDER-ROBOT, WHO DO I SPEAK TO?”

Me: “Sir, you can speak to me! I’m a person not a robot. We can correct your order for you, but you only got a cheeseburger because that’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “ORDER ROBOT, I WANT KETCHUP FOR MY FRIES! F****** machines are useless!”