How About We Show You The Door

| England, UK | Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I overhear this as I’m checking in to a hotel in England.)

Guest: *with an American accent* “You chauvinistic pig! I can open doors by myself, you know!”

Employee: “Madam, I’m the doorman…”

Taxing Faxing, Part 10

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a hotel, which often requires that paperwork be sent to us to verify credit cards and the like. On this particular occasion I am working with a customer whose assistant is out of town and she clearly has no idea what she is doing. Having sent me the wrong paperwork, I call her back.)

Me: “Ma’am? It appears that we have received the wrong paperwork, so if you could just fax the correct one we will be able to get everything set up for you.”

Customer: “Okay, but can you just fax that back to me, then?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Those papers! If they’re wrong, I need them back. Send them back to me!”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, that might be a bit redundant, but I’d be more than happy to destroy the copy—”

Customer: “ARE YOU STUPID? DON’T DESTROY THEM! THAT’S THE ONLY COPY I HAVE! JUST FAX THEM BACK!”

(It dawns on me that this customer thinks that her fax machine actually manages to somehow transport the entire paper through her machine to mine.)

Me: “Ma’am, the fax machine sends me a copy of the documents. If you check your fax machine, you will clearly see the paperwork still laying there. It doesn’t take your original.”

(I hear a frustrated sigh as she slams the phone, and then muttering and shuffling as she goes through her office. After a minute, she comes back to her phone.)

Customer: “…sorry.” *hangs up quickly*

Related:
Taxing Faxing, Part 9
Taxing Faxing, Part 8
Taxing Faxing, Part 7
Taxing Faxing, Part 6
Taxing Faxing, Part 5
Taxing Faxing, Part 4
Taxing Faxing, Part 3
Taxing Faxing, Part 2
Taxing Faxing

50 Clichés Of Grey

| Darlington, UK | Crazy Requests, Top

Customer: “I want this book banned! It’s offensive and crude!” *slams a copy of 50 Shades of Grey onto the counter*

Employee: “I’m sorry you find it smutty sir, but—”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have a problem with that. It’s just poorly written.”

Employee: “Fair enough, I suppose. You do realise that we can’t just ban books for that?”

Customer: *grins sheepishly* “I know, but it was worth a try.”

Your 911 Is Not A 2-For-1

| Stamford, CT, USA | Transportation

(A customer walks into the security office with a parking ticket in her hand.)

Customer: “I got this parking ticket even though I paid the meter. The meter still had time on it!”

Security Officer: “Ma’am, would you mind if I see the ticket?”

(The customer hands the ticket to the security officer and he reviews the ticket.)

Security Officer: “Ma’am, it says here you were issued the ticket because you were parked in two spaces.”

Customer: “Of course I parked in two spaces. I didn’t want anyone parking next to me and scratching my Porsche!”

Some People Just Need To Stay Silent

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Bigotry, Top

(I am participating in the Day Of Silence and my boss, being understanding because her brother is gay and was assaulted for it a year ago, has let me wear my DOS pin while on my shift. He’s put me on restock and check-in duty so I don’t have to handle customers. A few customers have noticed my pin and were understanding and even supportive, but not this next customer…)

Customer: *walks over to me, passing up three other employees*” Excuse me, I have a question.”

(I shrug in apology and show her my pin.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, she’s not on register duty today for personal reasons, but I can help you.”

Customer: “No! I asked her to help me, so she has to do what I say!” *to me* “Why the h*** aren’t you doing your job? Sitting back here all day, twiddling your thumbs while your coworkers do all the work… you’re a lazy b****! You should be fired!”

Me: *completely shocked*

Boss: “Excuse ME, ma’am, but she is doing her job. You’re going to stop harassing my employees now or I will have to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “But she’s not even answering questions! She’s just sitting there not helping anyone!”

Boss: “I have her on non-interactive duty today because she’s taking part in the Day of Silence in support of the LGBT community.”

Customer: *aghast* “You let your employees support f*****s?! What the h*** is wrong with you?! People like that are evil sinners that should be shot in the street! They don’t even have rights anyway!”

Boss: “And that’s what the Day of Silence commemorates: gays that have been bullied and killed by hateful and ignorant people like you. You can leave my store now and don’t come back.”

Customer: “Oh my God! You’re all soulless queers! I’m getting out of here before I catch your gay curse and burn in H***!” *practically runs out of the store*

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