When Customers Enc-roach

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(I am sitting at the table where we require pool patrons to sign in. It is a slow afternoon early in the season, so I have been given permission to read. A patron enters with his young daughter, and I look up.)

Customer: “I think they’re mating.”

(Suddenly, the customer throws a pair of cockroaches on my still-open book. I jump back, let the book fall to the floor, and then stare back at him.)

Customer: *grins* “Wait ’til I find out what you’re REALLY afraid of!”

Me: *speechless*

(I quit two weeks later.)

A Rude A-Blabbering

| Massachusetts, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

(I’m ringing out a customer who is blabbing away on their cellphone.)

Me: “Your total is $13.47.”

Customer: *throws her card on the counter and continues blabbing*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

Me: “Will that be debit or credit?”

Customer: *no answer*

(I put the card back in front of her and wait. Eventually, she realizes I’ve stopped and speaks to me.)

Customer: “What’s the problem?”

Me: “I was trying to ask if you you would like debit or credit, but you wouldn’t give me an answer.”

Customer: “That’s probably because I’m on the phone having a conversation! God! Debit!”

Me: “Okay, please enter your PIN number and hit the green button when you’re done.”

Customer: *ignores me and starts blabbing away on her phone again*

(I ask for her PIN a few more times, but after about 30 seconds the credit card machine automatically cancels the transaction since no PIN number has been entered.)

Customer: “Now what’s the problem?”

Me: “I asked you to enter your PIN number a few times, but the machine timed out. I’m going to need to swipe your card again.”

Customer: *throws the card at me*

Me: “Okay, please enter your PIN number and hit the green button when you’re done.”

(Once again, she isn’t paying attention. The machine times out. I put the card back on the counter in front of her and ask the next customer behind her if they are ready to be cashed out. The next customer approaches the counter and places her items down.)

Customer: “UMM, EXCUSE ME?! YOU’RE WAITING ON ME! ”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’ve been trying to wait on you for several minutes but until you finish your phone call, I will not be able to complete your transaction.”

Customer: *to her cellphone* “Can you believe this? I’m being refused service because Im on my phone. This is bulls***!” *to me* “YOU ARE EXTREMELY RUDE!”

(Fed up, the next customer speaks up on my behalf.)

Next Customer: “YOU’RE calling the cashier rude? You’re the one who has been holding up the line. The poor girl was trying to get you to enter your PIN for 5 minutes while you blurted out your personal business in front of a bunch of strangers. You need to learn some manners!”

Customer: *blushes and walks out of the store without her items*

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Mistaken Slips Can Lead To Lucky Tips

| Westhoughton, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Top

Me: “Good morning. How can I help you today?”

Regular Customer: “Oh, the usual… some cigarettes, a newspaper and a scratch card, please.”

(I scan her stuff through.)

Regular Customer: “Oh, and can I also have a 7 line lucky dip for tonight, please?”

(I print off a ticket.)

Me: “That will be £20.71, please.”

Regular Customer: “What?!”

Me: “£20.71, please.”

Regular Customer: “I refuse to pay that. You are trying to con me out of some money. I’ve always suspected you were trying to rob me!”

(The manager notices and comes over.)

Manager: “Is something wrong?”

Regular Customer: “This b**** is robbing me of my money. How can all this come to twenty quid?”

Manager: “Erm, what day do you think it is today?”

Regular Customer: *scoffs* “Wednesday!”

Manager: “Actually, it’s Tuesday.” *points to a newspaper*

Regular Customer: “Oh my God, I’m so sorry! It’s not the Lotto tonight, it’s the Euromillions, isn’t it?”

(FYI: 1 Euromillions line costs £2, whereas 1 Lotto line costs £1.)

Me: “That is completely understandable. Considering it is before 8 am, I reckon I’ll forgive you. Would you like me to refund and print you off one for tomorrow?”

Regular Customer: “Oh no, I’ll give this one a go. You never know!”

(When I went in for my next shift, my boss handed me an envelope. I was surprised to find a card from the customer apologizing. The best bit? She won a small amount on that ticket and gave me half of it!)

Freely Fraudulent

| Vallejo, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

Customer: “Hey, could I get a sample of the Rocky Road ice cream?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I give the customer a small sampler spoon of Rocky Road.)

Customer: “Yummy! Hey, could I get a bunch of these samplers, scooped in a cup?”

Me: “Uh, sure?”

(I grab the scoop and start to put Rocky Road in a cup.)

Customer: “NO, NO, NO, NO! I wanted a bunch of free samples scooped in a cup!”

Me: “…You want a free cup of ice cream?”

Customer: “YES! HOW HARD WAS THAT TO UNDERSTAND?!”

Me: “Sir, I cannot give you free ice cream.”

Customer: “It’s not free ice cream. It’s a whole bunch of free samples!”

Not So Profound Profanities

| UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(While waiting at the self-checkout tills, I overhear this conversation.)

Customer #1: “This bloody till won’t work! Why won’t it scan my coupons?”

(At this, an employee appears to help.)

Employee: “Here we are, ma’am. You just put your coupons in this slot here and it should work.”

(Suddenly, a middle-aged woman with a young daughter who are using another self-checkout pipes up.)

Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “Excuse me, could you please refrain from using language like that in public? I don’t want my daughter picking up bad habits”.

Customer #1: “Oh, of course!” *to Customer #2’s daughter* “I’m sorry, sweetie. Never ever use the word you heard me use just now…”

Customer #2: “Thanks!”

(Customer #2 smiles and gets back to scanning her items, but Customer #1 isn’t done speaking.)

Customer #1: “…unless you’re really f***ed off, that is!”

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