In Line And Out Of Line

| Durban, South Africa | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Money, Top

(I’m in line to pay. Customer #1 in front of me is about in his 40s, and very well-dressed in a suit and tie. Customer #2 in front of him seems to be a single mother with her child. I’m 25, and pretty shabbily dressed; wearing only faded jeans, an old, novelty Star Wars shirt, and have my long hair almost covering my eyes.)

Customer #1: “Lady, can you hurry up! Some people are important and actually have places to be!”

(Customer #2 is fumbling with her money. In her cart she only has basic groceries and what appears to be a birthday cake for her child. She mumbles something about not having enough money, and decides to leave the cake behind.)

Customer #1: “Don’t waste everyone’s time if you can’t even pay for your s***! Or maybe you need another government handout that comes from my taxes?!”

(At this point, I feel like I’ve got to step in.)

Me: “Hey man, that’s enough!”

Customer #1: “Who do you think you are? I’ll have you know I’m the [high profile position] at [large shipping company], and no one ever talks to me like that.”

(Suddenly, I become much more respectful.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir. I had no idea you were so important. Would you mind if I asked you for your business card?”

(Customer #1 smugly hands me his card. I see he is, indeed, who he says he is.)

Me: “And here’s my business card.”

Customer #1: “Why the h*** would I want your—”

(Customer #1 suddenly goes pale, as he notices that I am co-owner of [large shipping company].)

Me: “Now that I know your name, I’ll be sure to phone your supervisor to ensure you’re put on probation. One more act like this and you’re fired.”

(Customer #1 stammers for a bit, before practically running from the store. I end up paying for the mother’s cake, and even gave them a bit extra to buy the kid any toy from the store.)

The Text Signaler Concurrence

| Ashford, Kent, UK | At The Checkout, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(I am on the checkout, chatting away to a woman and her daughter whilst putting their shopping through. Suddenly, the woman gets a text message on her mobile.)

Phone: “Bazinga! Bazinga!”

Me: “Um, did your phone just ‘bazinga’?”

Woman: “Oh, yes, I have a text. Sorry about that.”

Daughter: “You’re the first to recognize the word.”

Me: “Oh, we love The Big Bang Theory. My dad has that as his text alert too.”

Daughter: “I have the theme as my ringtone!”

Me: “So do both my parents!”

(We all talk about the show for a few moments before parting ways. The next customer comes up, having overheard the last part of our chat.)

Next Customer: “I’m glad they’ve gone. They were in my spot.”

Me: “Another fan?”

Next Customer: “Oh yes…”

They Should Have Stolen Some Intelligence

| CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Top

(Three shoplifters run out of the store with a bunch of liquor. Our Loss Prevention agent has been watching them, and manages to catch the one holding most of the liquor, but the other two get away. Later in the night, the police come. One officer goes upstairs with the shoplifter, while the other takes quick statements from us. Suddenly, the two other shoplifters who had run off earlier came back inside.)

Shoplifter: “Hey, is our friend still here?”

(I quickly look at the cop right behind me.)

Me: “Uh, yeah, he’s upstairs.”

Shoplifter: “Sweet, can one of you guys go upstairs to get him or something? He has our pot.”

(The cop and I share an incredulous look, while the two shoplifters just stand there.)

Cop: “I think you’re gonna need to come with me.”

(The officer took the shoplifters upstairs, where they were all arrested for possession.)