Aaand I’m Being Yelled At

| Right | March 17, 2014

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Fish Has Gone To The Dogs

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Right | March 17, 2014

(I am delivering a large pizza order to a couple that included an extra side of anchovies.)

Me: “Let me hand you the anchovies so they don’t accidentally spill.”

(As I hand them to the woman she makes a face of disgust and hands them to her husband.)

Husband: “I like to pour it out on the kitchen floor and roll around in them.”

Me: “So does my dog.”

(The wife completely loses it and the husband slinks off with his anchovies.)

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All Smoke Where There Is No Fire

| Madison, WI, USA | Right | March 17, 2014

(I volunteer as an EMT. This was one of the first calls I respond to.)

Caller: “Please help! I can’t breathe!”

Operator: “Yes, ma’am. Are you having an asthma attack?”

Caller: “No, but I am about to! Those neighbors are frying chicken and the smoke is really bothering me! I can’t breathe! Please help!”

Operator: “Okay, please go outside to get some air. We will dispatch an EMT crew to you.”

(When we arrive, we discover the caller on her deck with a LIT CIGARETTE in her mouth, pacing back and forth.)

Caller: “Finally! Someone to help me! I can’t breathe because of the horrible chicken smoke!”

(The caller was taken to the ER for a check-up but, she was fine. Later I was told that she does this little trick often because she gets bored just sitting at home.)

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No Credit For Offering Help

| VA, USA | Right | March 17, 2014

(I am ringing up an older customer at a grocery store. When it is time to pay she swipes her debit card. She wants to use it as credit and in order to do this, you have to press the red button and hit credit when the machine asks for your pin. The customer keeps putting in her pin and then tells me she wants to do credit, so I have to cancel her card numerous times.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you want to use your card as credit, press the red button when it asks for your pin then press credit.”

(The customer ignores me and continues to type in her pin so I turn the machine around to help her.)

Customer: “How about you stay back there and do what you’re supposed to do and let me do what I’m supposed to do! You obviously don’t know what you’re talking about!”

(I sit there and watch her struggle with it for a couple more minutes.)

Customer: “ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR WHAT?!”

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Second Life, Same Bigotry

| USA | Right | March 17, 2014

(I create products for several virtual worlds. Please note that I’m male and so is my primary character. I also have a female character logged in for doing testing when I get a message from a customer.)

Customer: “I’m having problems with one of your products.”

Me: Can you describe the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I really need you to see. Can you come?”

Me: “Well, I have a screen full of programming and building, but I have a friend who I’m sure can help.”

Customer: “Okay, that will be fine.”

(I send my female character and never let on that it’s actually me. The problem gets resolved quickly and I bring my female character home. The customer messages me again.)

Customer: “YOU SENT A WOMAN!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Why did you send a woman?”

Me: “Well, did you two resolve the problem?”

Customer: “Yes, BUT IT WAS A WOMAN!”

(Punch-line? The customer was female, too!)

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