Just Mildly Stupid

, | Rochester, New York, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m taking a phone call for the pizzeria I work at. Everything is going fairly normal until the customer places an order for wings.)

Me: “Okay, would you like you boneless wings or traditional wings?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Well, traditional wings are bone-in and boneless wings don’t have bones in them.”

Customer: “Whatever, I just want them mild.”

Me: “Okay, would you like that in our mild BBQ or mild buffalo sauce?”

Customer: “No, just mild.”

Me: “We carry a mild BBQ and a mild buffalo. Which could I get for you tonight?”

Customer: “No! I just want your traditional mild!”

Me: “Okay, that’s one order of mild buffalo–”

Customer: “NO! Just MILD!”

Not Going To Qualify

| Arizona, USA | School

Student: “I’d like to know where your study guides are. I’m going to take a test.”

Me: “Sure, which one?”

Student: “The Mensa test. I need to know where your Mensa test study guides are.”

Me: “I’m sorry. They don’t make those.”

Student: “So, will you be getting some in soon?”

Still In The Digital Dark Ages

| Missouri, USA | Technology

Me: “Thanks for calling [ISP]. I’m [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “There’s no light in my castle!”

Me: *confused* “Uh…tell me a little more about the problem. Can you reach any websites?”

Customer: “No! How can I get to a website with no light in my castle?!”

Me: *still confused* “Could you explain…a little further?”

Customer: *becoming irate* “I’ve poked its belly button a bunch of times, but there’s no light in my castle!”

Me: *epiphany* “Oh! The power light on your desktop tower is not lit?”

Customer: “Tower, castle, whatever! How am I supposed to know all this technical stuff?!”

Can’t Get Her Out Of My Head

| London, England, UK | Bizarre

(It’s early in the morning and I’m half asleep. I’ve just stood up and turned around after stacking a shelf when I see a young guy rushing towards me.)

Customer: *grabs me in a tight hug and whispers in my ear* “I’m Hulk Hogan and you’re Kylie Minogue. Who am I?”

Customer’s brother: *out of breath after running behind him* “What have I told you about hugging people!”

Me: “Right, then.”

(I laugh and walk into the stockroom where one of my colleagues is working.)

Me: “The weirdest thing just happened–”

Coworker: “Oh, are you Kylie too?”

Ersatz-Guile Dysfunction

| Pennsylvania, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque

(I work for a bank’s fraud claims department.)

Caller: “I did not do this transaction from [male enhancement supplements company].”

Me: “Sir, I see that the merchant was able to verify your name, full address, and card CVV. Is there anyone else who has access to your card?”

Caller: “This is fraud! I don’t even know who the f*** they are!”

Me: “I understand, but if they have your address, most likely the product was shipped to you.”

Caller: “D*** it. I did it, okay? IT DIDN’T WORK!”

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