Needs To Pour Oil Over Troubled Water

| LA, USA | Right | April 25, 2014

Customer: “I need to know where the motor oil is.”

(I tell her, but she comes back to the counter with a bottle of transmission fluid.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not oil. It’s transmission fluid.”

Customer: “What do you know about it? You’re a girl. Just ring me up.”

(I ring her up. She pays and goes outside, pops the hood of her car, and gets on the phone. Two minutes later, she’s back.)

Customer: “I needed oil. You sold me the wrong thing. I need to exchange this.”

Me: “Okay. Do you need some help? It’s slow. I can do this for you.”

Customer: “What, do you think you know about cars? I’m on the phone with my husband and he knows more about it than you do. Just do the d*** exchange so I can get some oil.”

(I do the exchange. She comes back up with oil.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s 50 weight. You don’t want that, you want 40 weight.”

Customer: “This is what my husband said to get.”

Me: “Oookay. Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to help?”

Customer: “No. You’re a girl and you don’t know what you’re talking about. My husband works for [Company] and he knows way more about it than some clerk!”

Me: “Well, maybe he does, Ma’am, but he’s not here.”

Customer: “Just ring me up.”

Me: “Okay, if you’re sure you don’t need help.”

Customer: “I don’t need your help.”

Me: “Yes, Ma’am. You have a nice day, now.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(I watch through the front window as she went back to her SUV and smugly poured her oil… into her radiator. I wonder what her husband said when her engine blew up halfway across the causeway.)

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Not Being Very Adult About It

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Right | April 25, 2014

(I work at an adult themed store. We close at 10 pm and I have just locked the doors. I have two friends waiting for me in the parking lot, and we start having a conversation. Before we know it, we have been standing around talking for two hours, when a guy in a truck pulls up and gets out of his car.)

Customer: *pulling on door* “Aw, are you guys closed?”

Me: “Yeah, we closed two hours ago.”

Customer: “Well, can you open real quick? I need to buy something.”

Me: “No, we closed two hours ago. If it was really important you would have come in earlier.”

Customer: “But it IS important! You should open and let me buy something!”

Me: “Dude, this is a PORN store. It’s not life threatening, so, no I will not be opening. Buy your sexy-time things elsewhere.”

Customer: *slinks off embarrassed*

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They Just Can’t Cut the Mustard

| FL, USA | Right | April 25, 2014

(I’m working the copy desk when a customer walks in.)

Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to print some photos on my flash drive.”

(She hands it to me.)

Me: “Alrighty. I’ll just hook it up and we can go from there.”

(I connect the flash drive to my computer and open the folder for it, to find that there is only one photo on it: a photo of the customer naked and rubbing ketchup and mustard on her large belly.)

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Yes, that one. I want it blown up to poster size, and I want 100 copies of that.”

Me: “I’m afraid it’s against our company policy to print, er, photos of an explicit nature, ma’am.”

Customer: “Really? Oh, darn. Well, do you at least like the picture?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Then it was worth it to come here after all!”

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Gives New Meaning To Bag Of Tricks

| Hervey Bay, QLD, Australia | Right | April 25, 2014

(I am near the end of a very long shift. A customer comes up so I put my closed sign up. He seems a bit unusual and smells like alcohol but I treated him like any other customer.)

Me: “Hi. How are you today, sir?”

Customer: “Good, thanks.”

(My coworker comes over and tells me to make sure I check his bags at the end of the transaction. I get to the end of the transaction.)

Me: “All right, sir. Here is your change and I just have to check your bags.”

Customer: “Oh, sure, yeah.” *opens bag*

Me: “Yep, that’s okay. Have a great day, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah. Next time I will put some naughty stuff in there for you like condoms and vibrators.”

Me: “… Okay, sir. Have a good day.”

(He left and I told my supervisor. One of my coworkers heard me and told me he has said something like that to her before. She said he bought paw-paw ointment. She asked if he wanted a bag and he said no, that he was going to use it later while he was thinking of her. He is now banned from the store.)

Sadly This Is Regular Behavior

| Liverpool, England, UK | Right | April 24, 2014

(At my small café, I am the only waitress who will work Sundays. Now I know why. One guy, who is apparently a regular as he knows the boss, comes in. He seems cheerful enough and I give him my usual smile and politeness as I process his order, which is simply a tea to go. As I am making the drink, he comes up behind me and mutters.)

Customer: “I’d love to f***you.”

(I honestly have no idea what to say, so I give him his drink and move to the back of the kitchen to start washing the plates and cutlery. He finally leaves.)

Me: *to Boss* “That customer just said he’d love to f*** me!”

Boss: “What?! Just wait until he comes back again!”

(The following week she processed his order herself.)

Customer: “So, where is [My Name] today?”

Boss: “I don’t feel it is right to submit her to such inappropriate behavior from a customer who is at least three times her age.”

(His embarrassment at the other customers staring was worth it.)

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