(I’m a volunteer at a small animal rescue that takes in dogs and cats to be re-homed. A woman brings in a border collie that’s a bit excitable, but otherwise okay. I’m busy walking another dog so I don’t get a chance to meet the woman. I go back to the office and overhear the owner of the rescue and another volunteer talking about the woman.)
Owner: “She’s moving to Australia, and she wanted us to take the dog.”
Volunteer: “I suppose that’s fair enough.”
Owner: “Except she’s taking her other two dogs.”
Owner: “And she wanted to have the border collie put down.”
Volunteer: “But there’s nothing wrong with the dog! That’s awful!”
Owner: “I know. I told her that we only put a dog down if it’s incredibly vicious. She then agreed to give the dog to the rescue, but she wanted us to put the dog down if it wasn’t re-homed in a few weeks!”
Volunteer: “You’re not going to do that, are you?”
Owner: “Of course not!”
(Thankfully the border collie is still alive and waiting for a nice, caring new home!)
(I work in the fines office of a university library. A professor has come in, outraged that he has been blocked from checking items out. Upon pulling up his account, I see that he has a staggering 700 books checked out and $4,500 in fines.)
Professor: “I need to check out books for a presentation tomorrow! This system is corrupt!”
Me: “If there are more than $80 in fines, patrons cannot check out. But as long as you bring these overdue books in before [date] all the fines will be removed.”
Professor: “I can’t do that!” *pulls out checkbook* “Here’s what I’m going to do. I will write you a check for $4,500 so I can check out more books. Then, when I bring the overdue books in, you will pay me the $4,500 back with interest. Got it?!”
(I’m in line at a grocery store in a tiny town in the North Carolina mountains. In front of me is an old woman who’s moving rather slowly. Behind me is a young suit who has no patience.)
Old Woman: “Now is this one on sale, sugar?”
Young Suit: *muttering loudly behind her* “This is bulls***.”
Old Woman: “I got me two, no, three coupons.”
Young Suit: *even louder* “Some of us have places to be.”
Old Woman: “I think I got me two pennies, darling. Just a minute.”
Young Suit: “Come on, come on, get your a** in gear!”
Old Woman: “Young man, if you was a-wantin’ to get there so early, you should have left home sooner!”
Time Waits For Slow Man
(I’m a barista at a coffee shop. We’re pretty busy, but two older female customers are talking loudly enough to be heard by the whole shop.)
Woman #1: “Well, at least your daughter hasn’t forgotten that she is a woman.”
Woman #2: “Oh, I know. It’s such a shame when a girl forgets her feminine side.”
(At this point, Woman #2 sees a bald teenager on the other side of the shop and gestures towards her.)
Woman #2: “Like her. She’d be so pretty with hair!”
(Hearing this, the bald girl stands up, completely calm, and walks over to the two women. The entire shop falls silent.)
Bald girl: *holds out her hand* “Hi, my name is [name] and I’m going through chemotherapy.”
(Both women go scarlet and run out of the shop. The girl got an ovation and a free drink.)
Caught Red-Handed, Part 2! This week, we share another five stories of shifty customers caught one red-handed! Click here for Part 1!
- Hell In A Handbag (13,062 Thumbs Up)
An overzealous customer gets caught trying to rob Peter to pay herself!
- Not Always Right On So Many Levels (3,956 Thumbs Up)
A customer faking a disability suddenly finds herself fleet of foot.
- Tricks Of The Trade (6,828 Thumbs Up)
A trickster trying to score a free modem is herself “tricked”!
- The Right Place At The Wrong Time (6,694 Thumbs Up)
Weeding out marijuana users has never been easier for this eagle-eyed cop.
- Married To No One Inn Particular (2,086 Thumbs Up)
Either this hotel guest’s husband is a zombie, or her penny-pinching strategy could use a bit more braiiiins!
PS #1: check out our new Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news galore!
PS #2: Read more roundups here!