One Customer’s Bash Is Another Customer’s Pleasure

| Medford, MA, USA | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Do you have the new Oprah book?”

Me: “Probably… what’s it called?”

Customer: “The new Oprah book.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch Oprah. Do you know the title or author?”

Customer: “It’s the one on TV! You should know it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I work full-time and don’t get to see the show. Do you happen to know the name of the book?”

Customer: “It’s the one on TV! Oprah!”

Me: “Sorry, do you remember the author’s name? Did she do an interview?”

Customer: “Yes, that guy… oh, I remember!”

Me: “Great, what is the—”

Customer: “Blue!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “The book is blue.”

Me: “Hmm… is it that blue one in best-sellers behind you there?”

Customer: “No, the one on TV! Why don’t you have it! Why don’t you know what I’m looking for?”

Me: “I work when that show is on, so I don’t really know what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Ugh! Let me ask my friend.”

(She walks away and comes back ten minutes later with her friend. They each have a copy of ‘Ageless Body, Timeless Mind’ by Deepak Chopra. The cover indeed does have a blue background.)

Me: “Ah ha! You found it! Great!”

Customer: *holding up the book* “It was on TV! You’re the worst employee ever! Why don’t you know what I saw on TV?”

Me: “I don’t know. Sorry. Let’s ring you up.”

(About 30 minutes later, another customer comes up to my register.)

Customer #2: “Do you have that book, um, ‘Strong Body, Strong Life’?”

Me: “Oh, Deepak Chopra? The blue one?” *I show her the now familiar ‘Ageless Body, Timeless Mind’* “Is this what you are looking for? Did you see it on Oprah?”

Customer #2: “Wow, you’re the best employee in the world! How did you know what I was looking for?”

Me: “I don’t know. Let’s ring you up.”

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Taking His Wife’s Baggage Out On You

| Nanaimo, BC, Canada | At The Checkout

(I am working as an assistant manager at a department store and have been called to the refund desk. The clerk explains that a man at the desk wants to pick up some shopping that his wife has apparently left to be picked up. Unfortunately, we can’t find the packages.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We can’t find the purchases. Do you know what register your wife went through?”

Customer: “The one up there.” *points to the entrance to the mall*

Me: “Okay, I’ll call up there and see if the bags are there.”

(I call up to the register area and ask the cashiers if there are any bags left for pickup; none are left.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There are no bags at the checkouts either. What time was your wife here?”

Customer: “About 10 am…”

(I know we only had one cashier on at 10am, and that her shift had already ended. I try and call her, but am unable to reach the cashier and verify the story.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t reach the cashier.”

Customer: “I don’t give a s*** whether you reached her or not. Just go and get me what she bought and give it to me”.

(Obviously, I don’t know what she bought, nor am I giving him anything for free until I can verify his story.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t do that until I can find out what has happened.”

Customer: “Give me my stuff!” *starts swearing*

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that right now.”

(Suddenly, the customer takes a roundhouse swing at me. He does this a few times, when another customer behind him grabs the first customer by the shoulders, spins him around, and shoves him away.)

Other Customer: “Get out of here before you get into trouble!”

(The customer stomps off, and out of the store. A few hours later, I’m on the floor with my manager. I happen to look down the aisle, and see the same customer staring at me. Thankfully, it’s about 75 feet away so I have some time to think as he’s coming towards me. Anticipating another confrontation, I prepare to defend myself and tense up for a fight. The customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Hey, I wanted to apologize for the way I acted this morning. My wife had already picked up the stuff!”

Ring Me Up And Shut Me Down

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Top

(I’m grabbing a few sundries after filling my car up. The only other people in the store are a young girl at the register, and a customer she’s serving. I take no interest in them till I suddenly hear the customer screaming.)

Customer: “Get me your manager, now! You’ve worked your last shift at this place, you worthless b****!”

Cashier: “I certainly will ma’am, but I was merely—”

Customer: “No! Not another word! I am the customer; the manager will believe whatever I tell him. Now stop stalling and get him for me!”

(The cashier sighs and disappears into the backroom, returning with said manager a moment later.)

Manager: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I’ll say there is! This incompetent s*** rang my gum up twice, and then laughed in my face when I told her to correct the error. I’m certain she rang all my other stuff up incorrectly as well. I demand you kick her out to the curb!”

Manager: “I see…” *to the cashier* “Is this true?”

Cashier: “Well, just the part about ringing up her gum twice. I apologized and fixed the error immediately.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You’re lying!”

Manager: “Could you bring the transaction up please?”

Customer: “She’s lying! She f***ing laughed in my face!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I was only smiling. I promise.”

Manager: *checking the register screen* “Hmmm, and I see she did correct her error, and everything else was rung up properly.”

Customer: “FIRE HER!”

Manager: “Ma’am, may I ask you a question first? Namely, who are you?”

(She states full name, job title, company and the location of her office, which is a small brokerage firm in the nearby town.)

Manager: “Hmm, can’t say I’ve ever heard of them, or you. Nevertheless let me ask you this: why should I fire this girl, whom I’ve worked with for three years, has never missed a day without good reason, is always on time for her shift, and has been described by several of our regulars as one of the most courteous ladies they’ve ever met, over a simple mistake which, as I’m seeing here, she quickly corrected?”

Woman: “Wha? But… I… you… because I’m the customer!”

Manager: *nods* “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t see how that’s a valid reason to side with someone I don’t know from Adam, and thus lose a model employee whom I know to be perfectly trustworthy and respectful. Is there anything else we can help you with?”

(With that, the customer screams, shoves what’s on the counter at the manager and storms out.)

Manager: *to the cashier* “If I believed every windbag who came in here ranting incoherently, I’d never be able to hang onto any staff. I’ll be in my office if you need me again.” *disappears into the back*

Me: *stunned* “My God. That was awesome!”

Cashier: *beaming brightly* “Whole reason why I love my job!”

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Still Staying Strong

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(My area was hit hard by Sandy. Way too many of my friends and family have lost their homes and/or personal belongings. None of us, including myself, even have gas in our tanks or electricity. It is two days after the storm. Nevertheless, I am on the phone with a customer.)

Customer: *over the phone* “Excuse me, but I tried to get a refund over the phone for products I purchased on Sunday, and you guys never answered.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we’ve been closed for a couple days because of the storm. We will try our best to get to you as soon as we possibly can.”

Customer: “So, when did you reopen? You’re there now, aren’t you? Why did you not contact me?”

Me: “We reopened today, but our manager is unfortunately draining water from our other store right now, so he will be unable to contact you until early tomorrow.”

Customer: “But I emailed you Sunday night! I want you to refund me my money!”

Me: “Have you returned the products to the store Sunday or today?”

Customer: “Are you kidding?! I don’t have gas to come there with the products.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot refund you until I physically have the products and a manager here, and since unfortunately he is busy due to the hurricane, it will be a few days until I can help you.”

Customer: *starts cursing me out* “How dare you not be open the last few days? Do you know what it’s been like for me?! I haven’t had electricity for the last 24 hours! I only got it back today! And you won’t return my products for me?! And you talk too fast, slow down! Tell me your name right now! I’m going to get you fired! This is ridiculous! I lost my power!”

(I hung up the phone right in her face. Normally, I’m not so rude, but I had no patience that day. I have taken off of work every day since to volunteer at shelters for free, meeting the most humble people who have lost their entire homes and everything they own, and they are still so polite and grateful. I love NY so much. Stay strong, beautiful people!)

Editor’s note: Although this story tells the lighter side of things, the devastation caused by Sandy is very serious. Click here to visit FEMA’s dedicated Sandy page and learn how you can donate and volunteer.

Leaving The Country Is Fined By Us

| Veendam, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests

(I work at the Dutch version of the DMV. We get a lot of calls by people trying to get a fine waived. In most cases we can’t, and in some cases we can give the customer some slack.)

Me: “This is [name]. How can I be of service?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to complain about your service, and I want you to remove me out of your system!”

(I’m a bit confused; since we are a government-controlled agency, it is a bit strange for someone to ‘cancel their subscription’ with us.)

Me: “What issue are you having with us?

Customer: “I got fined because I didn’t get my car inspected in time for my MOT!”

(Note: Translated into English, ‘MOT’ is our Periodic Vehicle Inspection. Normally, we send out reminders as a courtesy, but we cannot be held responsible if a customer forgets to get their MOT done. This customer in particular did not have an MOT for about 9 months.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am going to try to repeat what you are saying so I know that I understand correctly. You want us to ‘cancel’ your ‘subscription’ to us, a government-controlled agency to which you, as a person living inside the country itself, are responsible to abide the laws on which owning a car are set?”

Customer: “Yes, I want you to remove me from your system! I wish to go to your competitor!”

Me: “Miss, with all due respect. I first of all do understand the discomfort of getting a fine for these kinds of laws. But don’t you agree that moving to a different country is a bit drastic, just because you do not want to get fined for your car?”

Customer: *continues ranting*

Me: “Miss, again, with all due respect, I do apologize for letting you feel like this. However, we have laws to which you, me and everyone needs to abide to. How unfair the fine may seem, I cannot undo it and I cannot take you out of our system.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because that would be considered a criminal offense. It would also involve you, leaving our country and living abroad. We do not have a competitor. I wish I had other news for you, so I’m truly sorry.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

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