Customer Engagement At An All Time High

| Right | December 31, 2013

Not Shopping Black Friday

| Right | December 31, 2013

blackfriday

It’s Beginning To Smell A Lot Like Christmas

| USA | Right | December 31, 2013

(It’s three days before Christmas. A teenage girl is dragging her boyfriend around the store making him smell everything. She’s obviously stressed out by last minute holiday shopping.)

Girl: “Um… I need… um… Here! Smell this. Is is good for [Name]?”

Boyfriend: “Babe, I’m not picking out what your friends smell like. They’re all minors. That’s creepy.”

Girl: “Please? Most of them are 18 now.”

Boyfriend: *sighs and sniffs* “Smells great.”

Girl: “Okay. And now, for my sister. This one?”

Boyfriend: “Come on, hun. Just pick out whatever and let’s get you something to eat.”

Girl: “I have to smell these people!”

Boyfriend: “You do this every year, babe. Why didn’t you start shopping two weeks ago?”

Girl: “Because I’m a procrastinator! It took me two years to realize you liked me!”

(The boyfriend looks a little intimidated so I step in and help the girl pick out gifts for the other six people on her list. They leave, the girl still stressing over other presents.)

Me: “Thank you for coming!”

Girl: “You too! Wait… Shoot. I mean happy holidays?”

Boyfriend: “Sorry. We’re going to go get her some sugar now.”

(The boyfriend comes back the next day to pick out a gift for his girlfriend and specifically requests me. I get a $20 tip and the humorous details of the rest of his shopping experience from the previous day!)

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The Argument Crumbles Like A Cookie

| Stockholm, Sweden | Right | December 31, 2013

(It is early November.)

Customer: “Do you have any gingerbread cookies?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. We don’t.”

Customer: “Why would you not even have gingerbread cookies?”

Me: “Sorry, but we haven’t even started making them yet this year.”

Customer: “What? Why the f*** not?”

Me: “Because here at [Shop’s Name], we like to follow the traditions and not start baking Christmas cookies until Christmas time.”

Customer: “Ah, I see! I’m glad to hear that you follow the traditions. All shops should be like you. I don’t get it why people just can’t wait these days. Everyone is just so d*** greedy!” *wanders off*

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Christmas Jeer

| Naples, FL, USA | Right | December 31, 2013

(I work at an office supply store that also does computer repairs. We are open late for Christmas. I’m the certified technician. The cashier is taking a break, so I volunteer to take over her register. A customer has walked up to the customer service desk. This desk has no register, but there is a register about five feet to the right.)

Customer: “Hey! I was looking for this pocket calendar, but for this year. This other brand has more space, but I can’t find this one.”

Me: “Sure. Let’s go take a look so you can pick the one you want!”

Customer: “I already checked all of them. You don’t have it! I’m NOT walking back there! That’s what I came up here for! Now GO!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I walk back, stunned, and check for the product. We are out of stock. I come back to tell the customer. My coworker has come back, and tries to check another customer out, but register #1 has crashed. She has already taken the customer to register #2 and is checking them out.)

Me: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are out of stock. We can order the one you want online, however.”

Customer: “No! I’ll just take this one. It’s already in my purse.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll take you over at register #2, as register #1 has crashed.”

(My coworker has finished checking out the customer, and is standing behind me watching this occur. The customer is standing, staring at the wall, obviously ignoring me.)

Me: “Umm, ma’am? I said I can help you at register #2.”

Customer: “You said you’d help me RIGHT HERE!”

Me: “Sorry, I didn’t. Register #1 has crashed, and that’s the customer service desk. I couldn’t ring you up there if I tried.”

Customer: “But that is not open. THIS ONE IS! HELP ME HERE!”

(The light for register #1 is on still, and #2 is off. No one pays attention to the lights so no one turns them on for the occasional customer that is brought to them.)

Customer: “This one’s light isn’t on. You can’t help me here.”

(I turn the light on to humor her and start ringing.)

Customer: “You all are so rude and unhelpful! I can’t believe you would treat me like this!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way about us.”

Customer: “YOU ARE NOT SORRY! YOU ARE BEING INTENTIONALLY RUDE! YOU HAVE TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE!”

(At this point I can’t tell whether to be angry or laugh at the absurdity. I am leading the numbers for customer service, and I’m always going out of my way for the customers.)

Me: “Okay. Your total is [total]. You can swipe whenever you are ready. ”

Customer: “I GAVE you the card. Figure it out yourself!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I swipe the card, and turn the PIN-pad towards her.)

Me: “Please sign here.”

(The customer proceeds to scribble on the screen in long sweeping motions, before finally pounding on the screen with the stylus. It does not respond to hard tapping, only light tapping. I’m afraid the screen will break at this rate, so I put my hand out near the screen.)

Me: “Please do not break our screen.” *I tap the button*

Customer: “DON’T F****** TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT! DON’T OPEN YOUR MOUTH TO ME AGAIN!”

(The customer throws the stylus at me.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am.” *hands receipt* “Have a great evening, and happy holidays!”

Customer: “Screw you! You people are so F****** RUDE!”

Me: “Alright!”

(The door closes.)

Me: *to coworker* “I really don’t know whether to be mad or laugh… I’m so conflicted!”

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