Keeping Borders Secure And Identity Insecure

| CO, USA | Right | March 26, 2014

(I am waiting in line, the next to be up, when I hear this a customer start shouting about how she refuses to show ‘some Mexican’ her ID in order to purchase something.)

Customer: “I don’t know where you get off asking to see MY ID! I don’t ask to see your green card!”

Employee: “Your credit card doesn’t have a signature on it, so I have to get an ID or I can’t let you use it.”

Customer: “This is so rude! I cannot believe you people are even allowed to ask for it, for ANY REASON!”

(Having had enough, and just wanting to buy my videogame, I start walking towards the customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, what’s the problem here?!”

Customer: “This illegal wants to see my ID!”

Me: “She’s obviously not illegal, but if you don’t want her to see your ID, then maybe you can just let me see both cards and I’ll verify it to her?”

Customer: “That’s fine. A nice American boy doing the right thing. Thank you.”

(The clerk hands me the credit card, and the woman hands me her ID. I look at them and nod to the clerk. I don’t hand the lady back her ID, though.)

Me: “So… your name’s [Name].”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “You live at [Address]?”

Customer: “That’s what the ID says.”

Me: “Do you know my name?”

Customer: “Uh, huh? No, I don’t. Of course not. Don’t be silly. We just met.”

Me: “Do you know my address?”

Customer: “Well, obviously I wouldn’t. What’s your point?”

Me: “[Full Name] who lives at [Address], why would you give me your ID without knowing who I am, what I want, or what I would do with it? I know who you are and where you live now.”

(The customer just stares at me, speechless as I hand her back the card and the clerk gives her the items she came in to buy.)

Me: “Oh, and by the way – I’m Italian, so think about how badly you just screwed up as you walk back to your car. I’m not saying I would change my locks. I’m just saying I’d be smarter about things!”

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That Argument Went Straight In And Out

| Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Right | March 26, 2014

(A customer wants a quote on replacing his radiator. I tell him that the repair time is listed at five hours.)

Customer: “Almost five hours to take out a rad and put another one in? It should be a simple in and out. All you have to do is remove a few hoses, bolts, and lift out the rad.”

Me: ‘If the standard labour rate is listed at just under five hours, it’s not just a simple in and out.’

Customer: “I can’t believe it would take anybody that long. Is there any way to get it done cheaper?”

Me: ‘Sure. How good are you with tools?’

Customer: “I’m not going to try do something like that!”

Me: “Even if it’s just a simple in and out?”

(Pause…)

Customer: “How does next week look?”

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Fresh Out Of Fresh

| FL, USA | Right | March 26, 2014

Customer: “Is this chicken fresh?”

(I tap a huge sticker on the top of the meat case that says FRESH.)

Customer: “Does that mean it’s fresh?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “It is fresh, ma’am.”

Customer: “How fresh is it?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “It is.”

(The case has four trays of chicken breast in it. She looks between the trays.)

Customer: “Is this chicken fresher than this chicken?”

Me: “No, I put them all in there at the same time.”

Customer: “Well, this one looks fresher than that one. Are you sure this one isn’t fresher than that one?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well this one looks fresher than that one. Can I see how fresh it is?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “As I said, ma’am, it’s perfectly fresh.”

Customer: “Can you get me the chicken that’s the most fresh? This one looks the most fresh. Definitely more fresh than that one. Can you get me the freshest one?”

Me: “Absolutely. I know all about being fresh.”

Customer: “Great!”

(I grab the nearest chicken breasts and put two in a bag for her, seal it, price it, and hand it to her.)

Customer: “This is the freshest, right? More fresh than the other ones?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Because I only want it if it’s fresh.”

Me: “I can assure you that I’ve been as fresh with you as I can get away with, ma’am.”

Customer: “Great!”

(She pays and walks out the door.)

Coworker: “Jesus shoe-shining Christ, how many times did that lady say the word ‘fresh’?”

Me: *shrugging* “I was really trying not to use a different F-word with her.”

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Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength, Part Two

, | Australia | Right | March 25, 2014

(I work in the sporting department with another coworker. A customer comes up.)

Customer: “Hey, uh, do you have that thing? Where you put stuff in the thing and the thing turns it?”

(My coworker and I exchange confused glances.)

Me: “Sorry. What do you mean?”

Customer: *attempting to use confusing hand gestures* “You know, that thing where you put the stuff in the thing, and it turns and gets hot?”

Coworker: “You mean a microwave?”

 

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They’ll Toast To That

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | March 25, 2014

(I am standing in line at a well-known coffee shop, fairly early in the morning. I hear this exchange between an employee and the customer in front of me.)

Customer: “Hi. Could I get a large coffee toasted with butter?”

Employee: “… Sorry?”

(The employee looks like she is trying not to laugh, when the customer suddenly notices what she’s said.)

Customer: “No! Wait! I mean a large coffee and a BAGEL toasted with butter.”

(They both burst out laughing.)

Customer: “Sorry, it’s early. Although if you’re willing to try and toast a coffee with butter, I’ll pay just to see how it turns out!”

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