Tivo Side Effects

, , | UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Technology, Top

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]; can I take your order please?”

(The customer asks for an item from the promotion that finished last week.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; that promotion has finished.”

Customer: “I want a [finished promotion item], like on the TV.”

Me: “We do not have that item anymore I’m afraid.”

(The customer once again demands the item, saying it slowly and separates the words like I don’t understand what he has asked for. Again, I tell him that the item is no longer on the menu, and he proceeds to ask me for it another three times.)

Me: “Sir, the burger you’re requesting is no longer available. We now have [new promotional item] instead. Would you like one of those?”

Customer: “No! Listen to me woman: I want a [ended promotion item]! If you can’t do your job, get someone who can on the line! Stupid f****** b****!”

(My manager has walked in to see what the hold up is. He is also wearing a headset, and has heard everything. He waves his hand at me to turn my microphone off, and he takes over.)

Manager: “Sir, the item you are requesting is no longer available; instead, we have [new promo item].”

Customer: “Why is this so hard to f*****g understand!? I want a [ended promo item]! I want it as a large meal with a chocolate milkshake!”

Manager: “That item is no longer available.”

Customer: “Then why are you still f****** advertising it on the TV!?”

Manager: “We’re not, sir.”

(The customer huffs loudly after shouting several curse words at my manager, speeding past the drive thru window with his middle finger up. I’m shaking from stress, and on the verge of tears. I don’t deal with immense pressure very well, so my manager lets me go on a break. I return to the window after my break. After a few cars, the same customer from before drives up again. Reluctant to deal with him, I call over my manager, who takes the microphone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [store name].”

(The customer looks very shaken on the camera.)

Customer: “Ey er… is that girl I was talking to still there?”

Manager: “Yes she is here next to me; why do you ask?”

Customer: “Can you put her on the microphone, please?”

(My manager looks at me, and I nod a little, activating my microphone.)

Me: “Yes, what would you like, sir?”

Customer: “Listen, I’m so sorry about earlier. It turns out I was watching a pre-recorded TV show. Can I have [order], and add a large meal on top for yourself and your boss; I’ll pay for it!”

Has No Propensity For History

| Gettysburg, PA, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I’m working behind the register counter that has glass display cases of knives, wallets, etc. Some are engraved with CSA—Confederate States of America, and USA—for the Union.)

Customer: *running up to the counter* “Oooh! Knives! Wait, what does ‘CSA’ mean?”

Me: “It stands for ‘Confederate States of America.’ Did you want to have a look?”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to buy. But, the Confederate states are the North, right?!”

Me: “No, not at all… ”

Customer: “Oh, oh well. But you know what’s strange? All these battles happened in national parks!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “I guess that just made it easier to hide behind the monuments!”

Me: “I have to get back to work; have a nice day.”

(I get back to folding and stocking while the customer walks out with the smuggest look on their face, like they just gave me a history lesson.)

Dial Down The Crazy

| USA | Bizarre, Top

(I work at a large call center for a major credit card company. About once a month, our managers sit with us and listen in on calls to help improve customer service.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [My Name]. May I have your name?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “…All right. Well, do you have your account number, so I can assist you today?”

Caller: “I don’t carry that with me.”

Me: “Well, then, how can I help today?”

Caller: “I don’t know. You called me.”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t call you.”

Caller: “Yes, you did. How else would I be talking to you?”

Me: “Ma’am, did you dial our number?”

Caller: “Well, yeah.”

Me: “So technically you called us.”

Caller: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Okay, how can I help?”

Caller: “I guess you can’t.”

(The caller hangs up, and I look at my manager.)

Me: “Did that really happen?”

Manager: “I have no words.”