Misbehavior Reaches Critical Mass

| USA | Family & Kids, Religion

(My husband and I are sitting a few tables down from a family of six. All of the children are older, the youngest looking about 17, so I didn’t expect any problems until a priest walks in.)

Teenage daughter: “Hey [brothers’ names], look at the priest!”

Mother: “Shush, don’t embarrass yourself.”

Son #1: “S***, does this mean we can’t do s***?”

Teenage daughter: “Oooh, you swore in front of a priest! You’re going to Hell!”

Son #1: “You’re going to Hell for being a wh***.”

(The parents look mortified at their behavior. I am shocked, too, especially at a man in his early twenties calling his younger sister a wh***. After chastising them both, the parents go back to conversing with the older daughter until the other two start up again.)

Teenage daughter: “Hey, [other brother], I dare you to go ask for confession.”

Son #2: “Seriously, you both need to shut up.”

Teenage daughter: *completely ignoring her mother’s warning* “You’re scared of a little priest? What’s he going to do? Send me to Hell?”

(Finally, it appears the priest has had enough, and stands up, approaching the table from the girl’s side.)

Priest: “First off, young lady, I have heard your mother tell you to be quiet several times. The fourth commandment says honor thy mother and thy father. You, my dear, obviously need some work on that. Secondly, if anyone needs confession at this table, it is you. Thirdly, the makeup doesn’t quite cover the hickey on your neck.”

(At this, the second son bursts out laughing, and the father profusely thanks the priest for reigning in his now speechless daughter. They ask the priest to join them and insist on paying for his meal. Besides that, on the way out, I hear the mother tell the daughter she’s grounded until she’s 30.)

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There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds

, | NYC, NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Top

(My boss is known for being very strict, and demanding ‘good customer relations.’ He reprimands us if we say things that he thinks are ‘unprofessional,’ which has forced us to be very formal with everyone who comes into the shop. Today, he’s running late.)

Customer: “Can I get a toasted everything bagel, and-” *turns to daughter* “What do you want?”

Customer’s daughter: *about eight years old* “Poppy seeds and cream cheese!”

Customer: “…and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese.”

Co-worker: “Sure, here’s your poppy seed. Just give me a minute to toast the everything.”

Customer’s daughter: *after a few seconds* “Mommy.”

Customer: “We’re almost ready to go, dear, mommy just needs her bagel too.”

Customer’s daughter: “Mommy…I dropped my bagel and the cream cheese is dirty.”

Co-worker: “Don’t worry about it. Here’s a new one for free.”

Customer’s daughter: *very excited* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Customer: “Bagel bagel bagel bagel!”

Me: *handing the customer her bagel* “Here’s your BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Coworker: *joining in* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(Suddenly, my boss walks in the door. My coworker, the customer, and I all shut up and look embarrassed. The daughter doesn’t stop.)

Customer’s daughter: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Boss: “When in Rome. BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

All three of us: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(My boss is still serious, but whenever that customer comes in, he starts screaming ‘BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL’ over and over again!)

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Either Way, Their Works Are Ear-Splitting

| OH, USA | Musical Mayhem

(I am working the till when a teenage male customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have any albums by Vincent Van Gogh?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Vincent Van Gogh.”

Me: “Umm, you do know this is a music store, right?”

Customer: “Yeah. Do you have anything by Vincent Van Gogh or not?”

Me: “No. Vincent Van Gogh was a painter, not a musician.”

Customer: “What?! But didn’t he do that song, Starry Night?”

Me: “Sir, Starry Night is the name of one of Van Gogh’s paintings.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Ah, geez. I asked my girlfriend who her favorite artist was. She must’ve misunderstood the question. Hang on, let me go talk to her.”

(He leaves. A few minutes later, he comes back.)

Customer: “Sorry about that. Do you have anything by Michael Bolton?”

Me: “Yes we do. Would you like me to show you?”

Customer:“Yes! Thank God, I thought he’d be another painter!”

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Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 3

| Canandaigua, NY, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids

(This happens as I’m shopping in a convenience store, and I just recently had my hair dyed purple. Another customer sees my hair and shouts to her daughter, pointing at my hair.)

Customer: “Oh, my God! Look at that hair! That’s freaking amazing!”

Me: “Oh… thank you.”

Customer: *to her daughter* “You can never do that!”

Daughter: “But, I didn’t even want to-—

Customer: “No! I won’t let you look like a freak!” *turns to me* “I really love that hair!”
 
 Related:
Makes You Want To Dye A Little, Part 2
Makes You Want To Dye A Little

Radio Killed The Electronic Store

| BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you could help me with installing my car stereo?”

Me: “Of course! If you like I can book you a time with my installer and we can get you in! When would be a good time for you?”

Customer: “Actually, I don’t want to spend any money on it. I just want a step by step instruction guide on how to do it without paying anyone.”

Me: “Oh, well unfortunately I don’t think we have anything to that effect, but our installer would definitely be able to have a look at it if you are having issues.”

Customer: “What kind of customer service is that? I want it done for free!”

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