This Customer Has A Latte Problems

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks in. She is a regular so I know her order.)

Me: “Good morning. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Hey. Uh…”

Me: “Did you want your latte?”

Customer: *shocked* “You know I want a latte? Yeah. I do.”

Me: “Large, two shot soy latte, with sugar-free almond, right?”

Customer: *more shocked* “What do I get? Do you have soy?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “I only want two shots. With soy.”

Me: “Right, yes. And sugar-free almond.”

Customer: “Do you have sugar-free almond, or the regular almond?”

Me: “Both.”

Customer: *appears confused* “What do I get? Soy and almond, with two shots?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me start making that for you.”

(I make the latte and hand it to her. She takes a sip. She now appears extremely bewildered.)

Customer: “Is this soy?”

Me: “Yes. With two shots. And sugar-free almond.”

Customer: “Okay. Right. Good.”

(She leaves. She comes back.)

Me: “Hello again. Everything all right with your coffee?”

Customer: “Uh. What? Can I get a large two-shot latte with, um…what do I get?”

(This customer does this every time she comes in.)

Best To File This One Away

| TX, USA | Top

Caller: “I am a year behind on the current week. How do I close the week?”

Me: “I can help you with that. You go to ‘File’, then ‘Close current week’.”

Caller: “I don’t have ‘File’.”

Me: “Hmm…then you must not have access to this function. Can you log in as the supervisor?”

Caller: “I am logged in as the supervisor.”

Me: “You’re sure you don’t have ‘File’? It should be listed at the top right.”

Caller: “Let me tell you what have. I have ‘File’, ‘View’, ‘Employee’, ‘Period’-”

Me: “That’s it there. Please choose ‘File’.”

Caller: “I don’t have ‘File’.”

Me: “But, you just said you had ‘File’.”

Caller: “No, it’s not there.”

Me: “Please call out what you have again at the top.”

Caller: “I have ‘File’, ‘View’, ‘Emplo’-”

Me: “That’s it. You have ‘File’. Please choose ‘File’ from the top left.”

Caller: *frustrated* “But, I don’t have ‘File’! I already told you!”

Me: *clears throat* “Please read out what you have again. Very…slowly.”

Caller: “Okay. I have ‘File’, Vi-”

Me: “Stop there, please. What was that?”

Caller: “I have Fi-”

Me: “You have ‘File’?”

Caller: “I have ‘File’.”

(I pause, hoping this allows the caller to get it.)

Caller: “Oh, you mean THIS ‘File’!”

Me: *cheerily* “Yes!”

Caller: “I click on this one?”

Me: “Yes, please.”

Caller: “Oh, that’s the one! Thank you so much!”

About To Be Charged With Something Else

| ACT, Australia | Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you sell a charger for this phone?”

Me: “We usually do, but I’m not sure if we have any in stock. I’ll have a look for you.”

(I look on our accessories wall. I’m too busy to notice the customer has walked up behind me.)

Customer: *low voice* “It’s just that the prostitutes keep stealing mine.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Did you want to know that?”

Me: “Not really.”

Off-site And Out Of Sight

| Pasadena, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for an automated parking structure. Unfortunately, we don’t have access to the cameras at the entrances. All we know about a situation is what a customer tells us over the intercom system.)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, this is [company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Your machine is broken. It won’t take my credit card.”

Me: “Well, let’s see if I can help you. Please insert your ticket facing up, and then insert your credit card facing the same way.”

Customer: “Like this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t have any cameras there, so I can’t see what direction you’re trying to insert your ticket.”

Customer: “Oh. Like this?”

Me: “Ma’am, I still can’t see you. Are you inserting the ticket facing up?”

Customer: “Like this?”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t see you. Can you describe what the ticket looks like for me?”

*pause*

Customer: “Like this?”

A Dark Day For Political Correctness

| St. Paul, MN, USA | Top

(Keep in mind that I’m wearing a black shirt.)

Customer: “I have a question. Can you help me?”

Me: “I’ll try, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, do you carry any construction paper?”

Me: “Yes, we do. It is right this way, if you would follow me.”

(We walk to the aisle.)

Customer: “Do you have any dark paper, though?”

Me: “Yes, we do. What color of dark paper are you looking for?”

(The customer looks at me like I’m a moron.)

Customer: “Dark paper! Like your shirt!”

Me: “Oh, you mean black.”

Customer: *gasps* “I’m sorry, but I can not believe you would say that! I feel that word is just so offensive to the colored community!”

(The customer storms out of the building, muttering about racists. The customer is white.)