At Least He Was Knife About It

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

(I’m volunteering at the concessions area of a local hockey arena. A customer walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, sir!”

Customer: “Hey! Could I get the key to room three?”

(At our rink, the accessing of the rink locker rooms requires a special set of keys. Policy dictates that in exchange for the keys, there needs to be a small deposit. Usually, people give us their house keys or car keys, and we give them the room key. This is an effort to prevent theft and carelessness.)

Me: “No problem! However, there is a small deposit required for the key; something like your car keys or house keys is needed to prevent theft. We’ll give it back once we get the locker room keys back.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Let’s see here, um…”

(The customer begins rummaging around his coat pockets. Suddenly, he reaches inside his jacket, and pulls out a massive hunting knife and places it on the counter.)

Customer: “Will this be okay?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Great, thanks!”

(The customer takes the locker room keys and walks away. Behind him this entire time, a second customer is waiting in line.)

Customer #2: “Whoa.”

Food For Thoughtless, Part 2

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m waiting for my food at a popular restaurant that calls your order number, and then puts your food up on a counter so you can grab it.)

Cook: “Order number [X].”

(I’m walking, up when a customer runs up and grabs at the food.)

Customer: “What is this? This isn’t what I ordered!”

(The customer starts taking the sandwich apart.)

Customer: “I didn’t order this! What’s this?”

(The customer starts picking parts of the salad out with her fingers.)

Customer: “I ordered a roast beef and soup!”

Cook: “Were you order number [X]?”

Customer: “No. My order number is [Y].”

Cook: “Then that’s not your food. That belongs to someone else.”

Customer: “Well you should have said something!”

(The customer stomps off. I look at my ripped apart sandwich that someone has just been grabbing.)

Me: “I’m order number [X]. Sorry, I tried to speak up.”

Cook: “Don’t worry; I’ll remake that for you. You wouldn’t believe how often this happens.”

Related:
Food For Thoughtless

Un-American Idiots

| Italy | Bizarre, Musical Mayhem

(I work at a pretty popular furniture store. A girl and her friend come in. After looking around for a bit and giggling to themselves, the girls come up to me.)

Girl #1: “Hi. Yeah… we… like… we wanted to know… do you guys sell band members here?”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Girl #1: “Yeah! Band members! Like, you know, people who are in bands and play music?”

Me: “Oh! No, we don’t really sell band posters, sorry.”

Girl #1: “No! Not posters! We want band members!”

Me: “What? You mean you want me to sell you the actual band members? As in the actual people who play in the band?”

Both Girls: “Yeah!”

Me: “I’m sorry… I don’t think we have any in stock, and we’re probably not going to get some anytime soon. Actually, I think no store will have what you’re looking for, girls.”

Girl #1: “Aw, really?”

Girl #2: “Come on… Are you sure? Not even clones?”

Me: “Yeah, I think the most you will find will be posters and band merchandise. With pictures of them, maybe, but not the actual people. I’m very sorry.”

Both Girls: “Aw… it’s okay; sorry for bothering you.”

(As they walk away, I overhear them talking.)

Girl #2: “Aw, I really wanted a Billie Joe Armstrong.”

Girl #1: “Yeah… I guess our best bet is asking Adrienne if she’s willing to share.”

Girl #2: “Yep, we should do it. I mean, it’s like… It’s not like I want to marry him or something. I just want to be his friend. and cuddle with him, and pet his hair. Don’t forget about petting his hair.”

Girl #1: “Same here! Hmm, you know what this means, right?”

Girl #2: “Yeah. Let’s ask her on both Twitter and Instagram until she finally answers.”

(My manager has heard everything, and comes over to me laughing. We’re both huge Green Day fans.)

Manager: “Oh, God… Were they… really?

Me: “Yeah.”

(My manager starts singing to the tune of the chorus of the song “Stray Heart”.)

Manager: “Everything that they want, they want from him, but they just can’t have him. Everything that they need, they need from therapy, but they won’t realize it.”