Lost And Found Rebound

| USA | Right | April 5, 2014

(I work for a section of a resort that plans activities, sells discount cards for certain activities, etc. Our lost and found section is behind our desks, in the break room.)

Customer: “Have you had a brown purse turned in to your lost and found?”

Me: “Give me just one second and I’ll go back and see about that for you!”

Customer: “Can you make it quick? I really don’t have the time.”

(I go back and look for the purse in our lost and found. It is not there.)

Me: “Ma’am, I see no purses back there resembling the one you’ve described. You can fill out a lost item report and someone will call you if the item shows up.”

Customer: “I do not want to fill out a report! This is ridiculous! Let me see if it’s back there!”

(Customer charges back behind the desks, heading straight for me, full-steam ahead.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed back there!”

(A manager sees what’s going on and comes over.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you. If my employee didn’t see your purse back there, it isn’t back there.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! Let me go back there!”

(Customer charges again, only to be held back by my manager.)

Manager: “Ma’am, could you give us a better description of the purse?”

Customer: “Oh, my god! It’s brown, and has one strap. It’s Coach. It has an iPhone, a Coach wallet, and a makeup bag inside it!”

Manager: “Does it resemble the purse hanging off your shoulder?”

(Customer looks at her shoulder and her mouth drops open.)

Customer: “You planted it on me while I wasn’t looking! You were going to steal it if I hadn’t come back here!”

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A Pint-Sized Understanding

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Right | April 5, 2014

Customer: “I’ll just take a pint, please.”

Me: “Sure, what would you like a pint of?”

Customer: “I just want a pint.”

Me: “Yes. but what would you like?”

Customer: “I want a pint. You work in a bar. How do you not know what a pint is?”

Me: “Sorry. A pint is a unit of measurement; I am just asking what you would like a pint of.”

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! JUST GIVE ME A PINT!”

Me: “Of course.”

(I got him a pint of water. He was not happy.)

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Silenced Her Cake-Hole

| Wasilla, AK, USA | Right | April 4, 2014

(I am in at the customer service desk behind a lady who is attempting to make a return.)

Customer: “This is false advertising! You’re f****** lying to your customers!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: “THIS!” *slams a half-eaten cake onto the counter* “The label says it’s ‘German Chocolate Cake!’ I bought it for my book club as part of our International Cuisine week and they tell me it’s not from Germany at all!”

(The clerk and I both get the same look of utter disbelief.)

Clerk: “Erm, yes, ma’am. German cake is named after the man who created it, Sam German. It has nothing to do with the country.”

Customer: “Well, how the h*** are customers supposed to know that? Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was by this? I should sue you for emotional distress!”

Clerk: “Do you have your receipt? We normally don’t return food if it’s half-eaten but I’ll see what can be done for you.”

(The woman shoves her receipt in the clerk’s face and grumbles as the clerk goes off to check with her manager.)

Customer: “Honestly, can you believe the type of people they employ here?”

Me: “Yes, I know. It’s quite impressive, isn’t it? I doubt I’d have been that patient if it were me behind the counter.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Well, she’s happily making the effort to circumvent policy for something that is not at all her fault. If that had been me you were yelling at, you’d probably be wearing that cake right now, and have been kicked out of the store for being such a clueless, abusive idiot.”

(The customer opened her mouth as if to say something, but couldn’t think of anything. When the clerk came back, saying she could give the woman a full refund, the customer quietly accepted it and quickly took her leave.)

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Generation ZZZ

| Caledonia, NY, USA | Right | April 4, 2014

(I’m a lead cashier and I notice a teenage boy walking up and down the aisles, so I approach him.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything?”

Customer: “No. I’m just bored so I’m gonna look around in here for a while, because I have nothing else to do.”

(What a generation…)

Factoring In The Factory

| Caledonia, NY, USA | Right | April 4, 2014

(I’m a cashier and a customer comes in one day wanting to return a pair of earbuds, so I begin processing the return.)

Customer: “You guys need to learn how to make your electronics work better when you put them together in the back.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t manufacture any products in the back room. Everything is shipped to us.”

Customer: “What do you mean you don’t make anything here? I thought all stores did that!”

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