When Intelligences Cancel Out

| New Zealand | At The Checkout, Money, Top

(I am a checkout operator in a supermarket, and I have just finished ringing up a customer’s order. )

Me: “So, that comes to a total of $36.76.  Is there anything else?”

Customer: “I also want a $50 gift card.”

(I add on the gift card and hand it to her.)

Me: “Okay, now the total is $86.76. Will that be all today?”

Customer: “Yes, thank you.”

Me: “How would you like to pay for your order?”

Customer: “I’d like to use this gift card.” *hands me the same $50 gift card that I just activated for her*

Me: “Uh, you still need to pay for this gift card.”

Customer: “Yes, but I’d like to pay for it with the gift card.”

Me: “But the gift card is worth $50.  Your order is $86.76.”

Customer: *rolls eyes* “Uh-huh, so just pay $50 of it with the gift card, and I’ll give you cash for the rest!”

Me: “So that will take your total back to the original $36.76.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Duh!”

You Read My Mind

| Lake Zurich, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’m working the concession stand at the local movie theater when two teenage girls approach.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer #1: “Yes, I’d like a large.”

Me: “A large what?”

Customer #1: *glares angrily* “A large POP.”

Me: *stares at her and smiles*

Customer #1: *angrily* “What?!”

Customer #2: “Tell him what kind of pop.”

Customer #1: *laughs* “Oh my God, I’m so blonde!”

This iPhone Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree

| Cedar Park, TX, USA | Family & Kids

(I’m putting up items in the electronics section at my store. A small child is playing with a phone on display. The mother notices, grabs the phone, and puts it down.)

Mother: “Son, don’t play with that!”

Son: “Why not?”

Mother: “You’re not smart, so you don’t need a smartphone!”

The Cannabis Chronicles

| Hilo, HI, USA | Health & Body, Technology

Customer: “I need an auxiliary cable and a USB cord.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

(I take the customer to where the USB cords are and hand him the one he wants. He puts it under his arm and we continue over to where the aux cables are.)

Me: “All right, and here’s your cable. Is there anything else that I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need a USB cord.”

Me: “Like the one under your arm?”

(The customer looks down and seems shocked to be holding the cord.)

Customer: “Woah! Must be all that weed I smoke!”

Made From Soylent Green

| Perth, WA, Australia | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Me: “What salad would you like?”

Customer: “Lettuce, cucumber, capsicum, Filipino–”

Me: *laughing* “Did you mean jalapeño?”

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