A Brush With Stupidity

| Haifa, Israel | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I’m the manager of a pizzeria. I have all my employees keep their hair very short and clean-shaven. This happens when a customer comes up after just having been served her pizza. Everyone working this shift also has black hair.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but there’s a long, blond hair in my pizza!”

(She stares at me as though expecting me to do something. She also has long blond hair.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but that hair didn’t come from us.”

Customer: “But it’s on my pizza! You have to do something!”

Me: “I don’t know what I can do other than to give you directions to the nearest drug store to buy a comb.”

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The Lamp Isn’t The Only Thing That Needs Rewiring

| VA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

(A tweaker-looking kid comes up to my cash register holding an old lamp that clearly needs professional rewiring. I am no electrician; I’m merely a cashier.)

Customer: “Do you sell a cord that plugs into this to make it work?”

(I look closely at the lamp.)

Me: “I see that it has no place to plug any modern cord. You will need to speak with someone in the electrical department for help with rewiring it.”

Customer: *bursts into a sing-song yell* “I wish you knew how to do your d*** job!”

(He then runs off in circles, drops some merchandise and heads for the exit.)

Customer: “Kiss my royal f***ing a**!”

Me: “Just leave. Go away. Don’t come back again!”

(The boy continues swearing and flipping the bird. He has to be escorted out. My manager approaches me.)

Manager: “Is it a full moon?”

(Later on, a coworker from the electrical department comes up to the manager.)

Coworker: “Did you see a dirty guy with a brass lamp? He just hit me and called me a monkey while I was with a customer!”

So Pho, So Crazy, Part 3

| USA | Awesome Workers, Bigotry, Food & Drink

(I work at a small snack bar in a sports center. We have just hired a new cook who is of Asian descent. I am on light duty, as I’d sprained my ankle the day before and the new guy stayed after he was scheduled to help. One of my regulars walks in, and when he sees the cooks he turns towards me with a disgusted look on his face.)

Customer: “What’s this? Since when did you guys start hiring [racial slur]?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Who is this [racial slur] they’ve got in the kitchen now? You gonna start serving egg rolls or something?”

Me: “Okay, number one, [coworker] is Vietnamese, not a [racial slur]. Not that it matters, because number two, he was born here, so therefore he’s an American. And number 3, I wish we would start selling egg rolls because [coworker] makes the best d*** egg rolls I’ve ever tasted. Now you can go buy your drink from one of the machines because your money isn’t welcome in here today.”

(The customer stands there with his mouth open in shock for a minute before he turns on his heels and walks out. My coworker walks out as he is leaving.)

Coworker: “Oh wow, what was his problem?”

Me: “He’s just mad because I refused to serve him any egg rolls.”

(Thankfully, the customer later approached my coworker and apologized.)

Related:
So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2
So Pho, So Crazy

Call Back To The 1940s

| UT, USA | Bigotry

(I am a female. I work at a call center where we take care of Internet, cable, and home phone problems. If we don’t have a number from a customer, we can’t look up their account. If they don’t give us am alternate number (like a cell phone) we cannot call them back.)

Me: “Thanks for calling tech support. Can I get your 10-digit telephone number, please?”

Customer: “Nope! Get me a supervisor right now… a male supervisor.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. They are currently in a meeting, but I’m sure I can assist you. Can I get an alternate number in case we get disconnected?”

Customer: “Sure as h*** can’t! Get me a supervisor now. I don’t care how long it takes.”

(After about 5 minutes of at least trying to pull up his account and get an alternate telephone number, I eventually give up and go get a supervisor. Keep in mind we have no info from him, and therefore have no way to call him back.)

Me: “Okay, sir. I have my supervisor here.”

(I put the customer on mute while I hand my supervisor my headset. However, my supervisor accidentally hits ‘power’ instead of un-mute, hanging up on the customer.)

Me: “Did you just hang up—”

Supervisor: “Shut up. It’s been a long day. Do we have a call-back number?”

Me: “Nope!”

I’ve Got That Drinking Feeling

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged, Wild & Unruly

(I’m standing in line at the counter, when an obviously drunk and under-aged boy wanders in. The cashier behind the counter is onto him like a shot.)

Cashier: “Excuse me there, champ. Have you got some ID on you?”

Drunk teen: “No, I don’t. Why?”

Cashier: “I’m going to have to ask you to leave my shop then, champ. Right now, please.”

Drunk teen: “What, just because I have no ID?”

Cashier: “Among other things, yes. You can’t prove you’re 18, and you’re clearly drunk, which means you’re not legally allowed to be in this store. Please don’t be difficult; just leave.”

(The drunk teen makes his way to the exit peacefully, but once past the front door decides to act up.)

Drunk teen: “Well, f*** you! F*** you and get f***ed! I’ll f***ing be here if I want to f***ing be here!” *flips both middle fingers at the cashier*

(The cashier, who is far taller and broader than he appears while he’s behind the counter, moves into the doorway to prevent the teen re-entering.)

Cashier: *very calmly* “No, you won’t. Now you’re becoming both an annoyance and a disturbance. You’d better get out of here quick smart, before something happens that you’ll regret later.”

Drunk teen: “F*** you! I’m gonna bash you man! I’m gonna beat your face!”

Cashier: *cracks up laughing* “Champ, I doubt you could even beat yourself off at this point.” *takes a step outside the shop* “Please though, take a swing. Give me the excuse.”

(At this point it apparently dawns on the teen that’s he’s in way over his head and his attempt at intimidation has failed miserably. The cashier seems quite willing to make an example of him.)

Drunk teen: “Uh… uh… I’m… I’m gonna hurt you man!”

Cashier: *icily, dangerously calm* “No. You’re going to apologise to the customers for annoying them, you’re going to apologise to me for annoying me, and then you’re going to leave, very quickly, before I put my size 14s so far up your arse your kids are born with tread-marks on their faces, so help me God.”

(The drunk teen starts to stammer out something, but is interrupted.)

Cashier: *in a very convincing and menacing Bale-Batman voice* “Get the f*** out of here. Now!”

(The teen flees at his top speed, bumping into and tripping over everything in his path. We all give the cashier a huge round of applause, and an elderly couple high-fived him!)

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