The Downers Of Up-Selling

| Canada | Money, Spouses & Partners, Top

(At the ferry terminal where I work, we have a discount card. When loaded with money, it will give you a substantial discount when customers use it to pay for a ticket.  I don’t usually mention it because all the local commuters know about it, but when they are paying for 4 or more people at a time, it is actually cheaper to buy the card than to pay the usual price.)

Me: “Hello! How many of you are traveling today?”

Customer: “Five of us and the car.”

Me: Great! Hey, would you like to save some money today? We have this card and—”

Customer: “No! No card! Don’t sell me anything!”

Me: “I understand, sir. But if you load $95 on this card, it’s actually cheaper than the $120 dollars I will be charging you normally. You see it’s a discount card and-”

Customer: “No! I said no! Don’t you people listen? Always trying to sell me crap. Just give me a ticket!”

Me: “Okay then. That will be $120 instead of the $95 for a ticket. No problem.”

Customer’s Wife: “What?!” *smacks husband’s arm and glares* “Will you listen to her?”

Customer: *sheepishly* “Oh… uh… wait. Maybe we will take that card thing.”

Me: “Right away, sir…” 

He Is Twice The Man

| Orlando, FL, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Top

(For the Halloween season, we’re running several horror houses, which aren’t otherwise open throughout the year. Light-up devices aren’t allowed inside any of the houses, and as a queue supervisor, I’ve been warning people of this via a cute spiel I made up.)

Me: “There are no light-up devices allowed inside. It will make it easier to find you, and you will be eaten alive most violently!”

(At this point, a guest, who seems to have had both legs amputated and is in a wheelchair, speaks up.)

Guest: “But I’ve already been half-eaten!”

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Taking Charge Of The Charge

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(My coworker is speaking with a customer about her bill.)

Customer: “There is no reason why my bill is $250 this month. I can’t afford that, and I can’t have my phone turned off, you need to explain this to me. My bill should be $90.”

Coworker: *addresses customer by name* “You come in here every month about your bill being high, and I explain it to you every month.”

Customer: “Well explain it to me again.”

Coworker: “You have a plan for X minutes and you exceeded those minutes by Y amount of minutes, causing the $160 worth of overages. What I can do is give you Plan Z which covers all of the minutes you use, and your monthly bill would be $120 every month. I can even backdate it to cover this bill.”

Customer: “And I told you last month, I can’t change my f***ing plan to $120, because I can’t f***ing afford my bill to be over $100 each f***ing month!”

(My manager hears the commotion and comes over.)

Manager: “I couldn’t help but hear your language, and while I appreciate that you are frustrated, I am going to have to ask you to clean up your language while you are here. Maybe I can help… what is making you so upset?”

Customer: “My bill is too expensive every month, and I try to get it fixed every month and he…” *points at coworker* “…never helps me!”

Manager: “Let me take a look.” *looks over account* “I see that you have some overage charges in here.”

Customer: “Yes. My bill should only be $90.”

Manager: “There’s an easy solution that would make it so that you wouldn’t have to pay $250 every month. If you change to Plan Z, it would cover all the minutes you use, and you would be saving $130 each month by only paying $120 instead of $250.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer storms out of the store.)

Inex-spews-able Behavior

| TX, USA | Health & Body

(A woman comes in and appears clean and normal. She hands my coworker a plastic bag.)

Customer: “Could you be a dear and throw this away? I hate having trash in my car.”

Coworker: “Sure…”

(As my coworker takes the bag, which isn’t sealed, stuff leaks all over her desk. She leans down to examine it, and it is vomit.)

Customer: “That is disgusting! You spilled my vomit all over your desk. I should have your boss fire you for making me feel sick all over again!” *storms off*

Her Argument Is Dispiriting

| Chicago Suburbs, IL, USA | Bizarre

(I am an assistant manager, and I am handing over a particularly difficult customer to my manager. At our store, all refunds over a certain amount must be returned in the manner they were paid for.)

Me: “This customer here would like a refund for these items, but she does not have her card with her. I explained that we have to refund the items to her card, but she keeps asking for store credit.”

Manager: *to the customer* “She’s right, ma’am. All refunds must be returned in the form we received the payment. Do you have your card with you?”

Customer: “I think it is rude that she is assuming that I am asking you to refund my items. She did not even let me ask you the question I wanted to ask!”

Manager: “I’m sorry. What is your question?”

Customer: “Can I exchange, not refund, these items for a store credit?”

Manager: “That is still considered a refund, so no. I’m sorry we cannot help you unless you have your card.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t take these groceries back now! They’re not the same as when I walked in!”

Manager: “…Not the same?”

Customer: “They are spiritually damaged, and I cannot eat them. That girl stole their spirit!”

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