Before Black Friday Comes Brainless Thursday

| Long Island, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays

(Our store is open on Thanksgiving, and I’m one of the unlucky few scheduled to work. This means I don’t get to go to the traditional feast. Nobody is happy, and the store is mostly dead. We have more or less the same exchange with the few customers who come in.)

Customer #1: “Dear, you shouldn’t be working on Thanksgiving! Do you get to see your family at all today?”

Me: “No, we close too late. But it’s not really that bad in the end.”

Customer #2: “That’s still awful. You girls should all be home eating and enjoying yourselves!”

Customer #1: “It’s shameful they make you come out and miss a holiday just for money and greed.”

Customer #2: “I know! Why in the world would anybody be open on Thanksgiving?”

(At this point I am bored, depressed, tired, as well as hungry.)

Me: “If people like you did not insist on shopping today, we wouldn’t be open. Everyone would be at home where they wish they were.”

(Surprisingly I was not fired, or even written up. The manager was just as annoyed at having to work as I was!)

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What An Encore

| London, England, UK | Health & Body

(At the moment, there is a one-man play showing at my theatre. There is no music, no sound effects, or even a microphone, so it is very quiet. One patron has been coughing quite loudly for the last 10 minutes or so of the performance. It’s annoying, but it’s November and a lot of people are ill.)

Rude Patron: “I want to make a complaint. All the way through the show there was this dreadful woman coughing, very loudly. You should have people inside the auditorium to stop that sort of thing! It ruined the whole play!”

Me: “I’m very sorry you were disturbed—”

(The rude patron points at the cougher in question; she’s a woman and is walking past both of us.)

Rude Patron: “There! That’s her! That’s the awful woman who wouldn’t stop coughing!”

Woman: “I hope when you have cancer people, treat you the same way!”

Rude Patron: *scuttles away shamefully*

Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A While

, | USA | Food & Drink, Money

(The chain restaurant I work for makes kid’s meals. They’re composed of a four-inch sandwich, a milk, soda, or juice box to drink, and apple slices, a cookie, or a bag of chips for a side. If the kid or parent wants something a tad different, we can always fudge the order a little. However, we can not stick a larger sandwich in instead of the four inch.)

Customer: “Okay, I’d like a six-inch kid’s meal, please.”

Boss: “I’m sorry, but the kid’s meals are only four-inch subs. You can get a six inch and make it a meal with a milk and apples instead however.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll pay extra for the six inch, then.”

(I make the customer’s order and proceed to ring her through. Since it’s busy and I don’t want to cause issues, I throw in the reusable bag and toy for free, and don’t charge extra for the milk.)

Me: “Okay, that will be [price].”

Customer: *stares at me* “Why is it so expensive?”

Me: “Well the six inch is [price], but since you said you wanted to treat it like a kid’s meal, I didn’t charge extra for the milk and threw in the bag without charge.”

Customer: “But I’m confused. I’m looking at the menu and it says the kid’s meal is less than that. Why are you charging me so much?”

Me: “Because you got a six inch instead.”

Customer: “Whatever. I guess that’s fine. It’s just no one explained this to me. I’m so used to paying less! I mean, I come here all the time and you let me get a six inch kids meal for the price of a four inch one. So, why is this different?”

Boss: “Because whenever people order a six inch, they get to the register and declare they’re getting a kid’s meal. We don’t want to cause friction, so we just charge it as such. However, she heard you order.”

Me: “I can charge it as a four inch sandwich, just this once.”

Customer: “FINE! Now I know, I guess. I just hate paying so much!”

She’s Been Placed On The Blacklist

| Redlands, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Bigotry

(I am filling out an application at an empty register counter when I see a well-to-do looking customer screaming at one of the employees. The employee looks close to tears.)

Customer: “Why the f*** can’t I use my coupon? I have a right to this deal. You sent it to my home! I am going to use it now. Take my freaking coupon!”

Employee: “Ma’am, it only works on Black Friday. It is only Wednesday. It is store policy. There is nothing I can do about it.”

Customer: “I just saw another woman use the same coupon!”

Employee: “We sent out similar ones that work for Thanksgiving products like—”

Customer: “Shut up! I know you are too dumb to understand what I am saying. Giving your people an education is a waste. A monkey could do this job. You n*****s have no right to be here, taking jobs from good people, like that girl right here! She is likely going to starve because you rats keep taking all the good work!”

(The woman literally drags me over to where they are.)

Customer: *to me* “Doesn’t it p*** you off that these blacks have their own holiday and excuse us good, Christian white folks? You need a job and I am going to get this girl fired for you!”

Me: “Let go of me! Are you crazy? No need to be a racist b**** about it. Just because you are racist doesn’t mean she is stupid.”

Woman: “I am not racist! This colored girl can’t do her job. She is obviously too stupid to work here. She needs to go back to Africa.”

(At this point, a man who has been standing off to the side marches up to us.)

Man: *to the customer* “You can leave right now. I am refusing you service.”

Customer: “You have no right to tell me what to do!”

Man: “I do. That employee is my wife, and my father owns this store.”

(As he is saying this, he points up towards a camera. The woman looks up without thinking.)

Man: “Great, now I have your face for the picture I am going to be posting on all the doors. I hope you like driving to [next town], because you are now banned from this store.”

Customer: *sulks away, leaving her paid-for purchases*

Man: *to me* “Would you like some free stuff?”

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Not All Visitors Stink

| Panama City Beach, FL, USA | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work at the snack shack at my local zoo one summer. We have a huge group of middle-school aged kids in the park, and their supervisor has all 75+ of them come to the shack at once for lunch. I have been serving for about forty-five minutes when this happens.)

Kid #1: “Can I get a water and a hot dog for five dollars?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I ring him up, take his money, and give him the water. I’ve turned around to get the hotdog and am just coming back when I hear a shriek.)

Me: “What happened?”

Kid #1: “I don’t know.” *grabs hot dog and walks off*

(I try to calm the kids down, and just when they’re in a line again, I smell an powerful odor; it’s obviously what caused the shriek.)

Me: “Someone set off a stink bomb. One second…”

(I radio the front so they know, but there are other groups in the park and it’s not an immediate danger, so it’s still just me.)

Kid #2: “Yeah. I want to know who it is so we can get them later.”

Me: “Here’s your order. So, someone decided to set off a stink bomb right where you all are getting and eating food?”

Kid #3: “Pretty much. I want a cheeseburger and a soda.”

Me: *still serving* “…In a place full of animals with a great sense of smell, like the bears and mandrills behind me?”

Kid #4: “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out and beat them up for you!”

Me: “Oh, that’s sweet.”

(I keep serving for about another ten minutes when I again hear a shriek; this time, it turns into hysterical screaming. I look and see that one of the parrots has been spooked off his perch, and, for some reason, several kids are screaming since he’s on the ground near them. I grab the radio and tell the keepers, but put up my “Back in Five Minutes” to calm the screaming kids down..)

Me: *to the screaming kids* “It’s okay. Just back away from the macaw, kids. He’ll be fine; you’ll be fine. Just back up.”

(The kids do so, and a keeper prepping for the wolf show runs over to put the bird back.)

Me: “Thanks.”

Keeper: “No problem. Hang in there…”

(The keeper has just left when I hear yet another kid yell.)

Another Kid: “Leave him alone!”

(I turn to see some kids spooking our white peacock; this other kid, a girl, is trying to protect it.)

Me: “Oh for the love of… that is the head keeper’s personal favorite animal! Desist!”

(The kids break up, apparently snickering at my use of the word ‘desist’. I get back into the shack.)

Kid #6: “Yay, you’re back. Um, a hot pretzel and soda.”

(After I serve him, I see Kids #2 and #3; they’ve come back with a large group. To my surprise, the kids proceed to empty all the change I’ve given them into the donation jar.)

Kid #2: “Sorry it’s been so crazy. I swear we’re not all that bad!”

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