Intelligence Doesn’t Quite Measure Up

| Massachusetts, USA | Math & Science

(Two coworkers and I are sitting around when a woman who appears to be approaching 60 years of age walks in. My newer coworker takes her order.)

Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, hi…I was wondering, how long is a footlong?”

(We all think she’s joking.)

Coworker: *holds hands up about a foot apart*

Customer: *still confused* “Hmm…okay…uh, can I see one?”

Try Our New De Caf Bonne Nuit Blend

| UK | Food & Drink, Health & Body

Customer: *angrily* “Get your manager. I have a complaint!”

Me: “Of course, sir. Just a moment, please.”

(I get the manager.)

Manager: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: *still angry* “Yesterday evening, I ordered six cups of coffee to go because I had work to do, but I fell asleep after an hour! My work is ruined! I’m going to sue your a**!”

Manager: “What flavor did you order?”

Customer: *thinks for a moment* “A french flavor…de Caf!”

Two And A Half Customers

| San Jose, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(Our salon requires a credit card hold for parties of three or more to discourage last-minute cancellations. It doesn’t matter how old the customers are. Whether they are 3-year-olds or 80-year-olds, we still reserve a spot for them regardless. We have a lot of customers who try to get around the credit card rule.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [salon], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I wanted to make appointments for two people today.”

Me: “Sure, what kind of services would you like?”

Caller: “Two pedicures.”

(I book the appointments, confirm with the caller, and am about to end the call.)

Caller: “I also wanted to bring my daughter in for a kid’s pedi.”

Me: “Oh okay, so you’re actually booking for three people?”

Caller: *sounding annoyed* “Does she even count? She’s just a kid.”

Me: “Yes, she does. She’s still a person.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous!”

Even Customers Fall Short

, | Kansas City, Missouri, USA | Family & Kids, Underaged

(I am in a local dollar store/pharmacy. This happened to me when I as ten years old. An elderly looking woman comes up.)

Customer: “Do you work here?”

Me: “Me?”

Customer: “Yes, you.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m still in grade school.”

Customer: *mumbling while walking away* “Lazy employees. Always coming up with excuses!”

A Bad Run For Their Money

| Minnesota, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Top, Underaged, Wild & Unruly

(My coworker is serving a group of five teenaged guys. All are very loud, obnoxious, and annoying. They don’t order a lot of food, and finally get up to leave. I am putting in an order then this happens…)


Me: “Did you get the license plate number?!”

Coworker: “Yeah, right after the last guy paid, I noticed there was still one seat open with just a short stack of pancakes. I asked the guy’s friend if his friend was coming back to pay. He turned beet red, said “Yeah,” and that he would go get him. The car already was backed up and waiting when he walked out the door so I went to get the plate numbers quick.”

Me: “Okay, give me the numbers. I’ll call it in.”

(I call the police and give them the license plate and description of the car. About five minutes later, an officer shows up and gets a description of the guy who walked out on his bill. He says they may have the kids, and he will get the money for us. Ten minutes later, the officer shows up again.)

Officer: “Here is the money for the bill. His friends had to pay for it so he wouldn’t get a ticket.”

Me: “I was hoping you would have brought him up here to face his crime.”

Officer: “Normally, that is what I would do. However, when we pulled them over for not paying the bill, we noticed the smell of alcohol. They are currently getting minors for underage drinking.”

(In Minnesota, the fine for underaged drinking is $200. In the end, four of them were under age and drinking and got tickets for it. The bill he walked out on was only $4.55!)

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