Doe Is Dear

| Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Pets & Animals

(I work at a pet supply store that offers alternative foods for animals with allergies.)

Customer: “What’s bee-son?”

Me: “Bison. It’s an alternate protein source, similar to beef.”

Customer: “But what is it?”

Me: “It’s also called buffalo. It’ a lot like beef, just leaner.”

Customer: “But what is it?”

Me: “They’re kind of like, um, feral cows?”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Moo?”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you just say that? And veen-ay-son?”

(She points to a bag labelled “venison.”)

Me: “That’s deer.”

Customer: *more blank staring*

(I put my hands up on either side of my head like antlers.)

Me: “Bambi?”

Customer: “All these fancy names for things. It’s just so you can charge more for it, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s exactly how it works.”

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Delivered In A Dog Day Afternoon

| Burbank, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals, Time

(A customer comes up to my register in the morning, a little bit after opening. The guy who does the ordering is standing next to me.)

Customer: “I got a call that my dog food was here.”

Me: “Sure thing. Did you know which food you ordered?”

Customer: “It’s dog food.”

Me: “Okay, can you describe the package?

Customer: “It’s in a can.”

Me: “Okay, about how long ago did you place the order?”

Customer: “Two days ago. I was told it would be in seven days from now, but it came in yesterday. Why did it come in yesterday?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We really have no control when the orders come in. It’s up to the distributor.

(At this poin,t my coworker has found his food and I ring him up.)

Customer: “I really don’t understand why it would be here so soon when I was told seven days. It’s too soon for this to come in. Why would you say seven days? Oh, and can I get a discount for it being here so soon?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We can’t do that.”

Customer: “Well, it shouldn’t have been here this soon!”

A Very Moral Figure(ine)

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Awesome Customers, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids

(I work at a small, family-owned and operated movie store that also sells various movie/anime merchandise. Lately, we’ve been having trouble with a specific group of kids coming in and stealing from us. I’m currently managing the register when I notice one of the kids in the group entering the store, being pulled in by his mother. She sees me and heads over to my counter. The owner also sees this and heads over towards us.)

Mother: “I’m really hoping you can help me.”

(She reaches into her purse, pulls out an anime figurine, and places it on the counter.)

Mother: “See, I was cleaning my son’s room yesterday when I found this on his desk. I did a little more cleaning and I found its box that had your store’s price tag on it. Despite what he says, I know that I didn’t buy it for him; I believe he stole from you all. So, we’re here to return it and make this right.”

Me: “I’m happy that you want to do the right thing and all, but unfortunately I’m unable to return opened merchandise, especially without its original packaging.”

Mother: “Please, you have to take this back. I work two jobs just to pay the bills; I can’t afford this toy nor does he deserve it. There must be some way.”

Owner: “Ma’am, I appreciate you coming in and trying to do the right thing. I know it wasn’t you who stole from me; it was your son. With all due respect, I don’t believe you should have to waste your hard earned money to fix his mistake. With your permission, I’d like to suggest an alternative solution.”

(The owner’s solution? Every Saturday for the next two months, that kid came in and ‘volunteered’ to help out around the store. At the end of the two months, he learned a valuable lesson and even paid for the stolen figurine.)

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Why Nurses Should Rule The World

| TX, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

(My 5-year-old son has received a serious injury to his eye. After a pediatrician recommends us to an eye doctor, we are referred to a specialist that works out of a university two hours away from home.)

Nurse: “These are all the contact numbers you should need. I also went online for some directions, and called ahead to let them know it should only be a few hours.”

My Son: “I don’t want to.”

Nurse: “What’s the matter?”

My Son: *visibly getting upset* “I’m scared.”

Nurse: “But you’ve been so brave this whole time! How about this: if you go see the new doctor, I’ll give you my phone number and you can call me if you get too upset, okay?”

(The nurse writes down her work extension and cell phone number on a piece of paper and adds it to my paperwork, insisting that I feel free to call if I have any problems or questions. My son stays calm all the way to the university and through the appointment with the specialist until we’re told he’s going to need surgery. Crying and upset, he begs me to call the nurse from the clinic.)

Me: *on the phone* “I’m so sorry to bother you, I know you’re still working, but he’s really upset and asked to talk to you.”

(I put the phone on speakerphone so my son, crying on the exam table, can hear.)

Nurse: “Hey buddy! What’s wrong?”

My Son: *crying* “The doctor here wants to give me surgery!”

Nurse: “There’s nothing wrong with that. It’ll make your eye all better. You’ll be able to see again, like we talked about.”

My Son: “But I’m scared! It’s going to hurt!”

Nurse: “Of course it’s not going to hurt. That nice doctor wouldn’t hurt you!”

My Son: “Have you been given surgeries?”

Nurse: “Yeah kiddo, a few.”

My Son: “And you came back to life?”

Nurse: “Every single time.”

My Son: “Promise?”

Nurse: “Swear.”

(My son has calmed down considerably throughout the conversation, and there’s not a dry eye in the room.)

My Son: “…Okay…”

Nurse: “See? I knew you were brave.”

My Son: “Thank you! Love you!”

Nurse: *laughing* “Love you, too.”

(I thanked the nurse a thousand times, and she insisted I call her ASAP to let her know how the surgery goes. Later that day, she texted us a picture of herself and her family with a ‘GET WELL SOON’ sign they made for my son!)

Related:
Why Bus Drivers Should Rule The World
Why Cashiers Should Rule The World
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World

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Paying Fool Price, Part 2

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Money

(We are in the middle of a massive stock-take sale. The store has two enormous banners at the entrance stating this, along with stands of our sale brochures. Every aisle and wall is hung with SALE posters every 2 metres, and there are red SALE balloons on every fixture. Every shelf or stand has an A3 sign on it stating the percentage of discount on that range, as well as smaller signs showing the price of individual items. Instead of our usual business wear, the staff are all wearing red shirts which have the company logo and SALE written on them, plus name badges. It’s quiet for a moment, so I am filling an empty shelf with stock from a trolley.)

Customer: “Do you work here?”

Me: *laughs* “Yeah, I do.”

(She doesn’t even seem to take in my company shirt and apron, name badge or the fact that I’m doing stock work. She just seems mildly surprised.)

Customer: “Oh, I wasn’t sure.” *picks up an egg poacher* “Is this on special?”

Me: “Yes, everything is on special today. We’ve got 40% off cookware at the moment.”

Customer: “Are you sure it’s on sale?”

Me: “Yes, I’m quite sure there’s a sale on.”

(I laugh, but she is just staring at me strangely.)

Me: “The sign on top of the shelf says 40% off all cookware, and the little sign in front of the poacher says the egg Poacher now [price]. So it’s [price].”

Customer: “I need to know the exact price. Go and check it for me.”

Me: “Okay, well, the girls on the register can scan it for you to confirm the price before you purchase.”

Customer: “No. I want you to check now.”

(Giving in, I go right down the front, scan it, and not surprisingly, it comes up at the exact same price as I told her.)

Me: “It came up [price].”

Customer: “Oh, so it is on sale! I’ll just tell my sister!” *takes out phone* “Cheryl! They have a sale on!”

(I ran into ‘Cheryl’ later. You’ll never guess what kind of questions she asked me.)

Related:
Paying Fool Price

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