E.T. No Phone Home

| Australia | Technology

(I was working in the call center of a telco, troubleshooting and resolving faults in mobile phone handsets and modems.)

Me: “Hello, this is [name], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to return a faulty modem.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with the modem?”

Customer: “It doesn’t contact the mothership.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “This modem. It’s faulty. I cannot contact the mothership with it!”

Me: “Um, [company] has never offered nor guaranteed intergalactic coverage.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll just take it back to the shop.” *hangs up*

Hershey’s Misses

| Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink

(I’m explaining our desserts to a customer.)

Me: “We have white, milk, and dark chocolate. You can get a mixture of two of those.”

Customer: “Well, getting white and dark just doesn’t make sense.”

Me: “Mind if I ask why not?”

Customer: “Mixing white and dark chocolate would just make it milk chocolate.”

Me: “That isn’t how chocolate works, ma’am.”

Shh, The Neighbors Will Hear

| Michigan, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(At our movie theater, “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” is playing. A 70- or 80-year-old woman approaches.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a ticket to that new movie.”

Me: “No problem. What movie are you looking for, ma’am?”

Customer: “That new one. You know, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Nasty.”

Your Argument Is Full Of Hot Air

| Campbell, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(Our gas station’s air pump is broken so we have taken both air hoses and put them under the cover they normally stick through. A customer drives up, give me his credit card, and starts to pump gas.)

Customer: “Where are your air hoses?”

Me: “The air pump is broken, so we don’t have the air hoses out.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(Despite what I said, the customer opens the air pump cover, pulls one of the hoses out, and goes over to his car tire and tries to put air in it. A few minutes later, he comes back to my booth.)

Customer: “I think your air is broken. It’s deflating my tire!”

Me: “Yes, as I said earlier, it’s broken. That’s why the hose was under the cover.”

Customer: “Now my tire is almost flat! You are going to need to pay for a tow to another gas station.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I told you that the pump was broken. I also put the hoses under the cover. You decided to pull them out and try to use them anyway.”

Customer: *yelling* “You should pay for my tow! If I ruin my rim driving to go get air I’m going to make you pay for it!”

To Whom This May (Not) Concern, Part 2

, | Oregon, USA | Food & Drink

Me: *holding a bag out the window* “Dave! Bacon cheeseburger and regular fries!”

Customer: *comes up and grabs the bag* “Thanks!”

Me: “Hey, I just took your order like a minute ago. Didn’t you get an ice cream cone?”

Customer: “Yeah, thanks.”

Me: “That’s not an ice cream cone; it’s a bacon cheeseburger and regular fries. Is your name Dave?”

Customer: “No!” *hands back the bag* “Where’s my cone?!”

Related:
To Whom This May (Not) Concern

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