Not Economically Gifted

| PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “Do you sell gift cards that can be used anywhere?”

Me: “Do you mean something like a gift card that can be used in a certain mall?”

Customer: “No. Gift cards that can be used wherever someone wants to use them.”

Me: “Do you mean money?”

Customer: “Yes. Just like money…only a gift card.”

Pray It’s To Put The Brain Back In

| Tampa Bay, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(We only have access to credit cards in the credit card department. The credit union is closed.)

Caller: “I need to pay my auto loan.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you have reached the credit card department. I would be more than happy to provide you the number for the branch. They can help you tomorrow morning with your loan payment.”

Caller: “I’m having surgery tomorrow. Take my payment.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having surgery. You can speak to the branch when you get out to make a payment to your auto loan.”

Caller: “I’m donating a kidney to my mother. I can’t call for three weeks.”

(I had a friend donate a kidney. They were not walking around well for two to three weeks, but they could talk the same day.)

Me: “Well, I have good new for you, sir. You should be able to talk in a day or two after surgery so you can speak to the branch.”

Caller: “Well, I’m having brain surgery. I won’t be able to talk for 3 weeks.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Caller: “Have the branch call me back.”

Me: “I’m sorry…I thought you just said you would not be able to speak for 3 weeks. I’m unsure how the branch calling you would be different than you calling them.”

Caller: “I can nod at the phone and let them know it’s me, and pass the phone to my mother…”

Barking Outside The Box

| AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Cable box jump dog!”

Me: “Wait. Did you just say ‘cable box jump dog’?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I…I don’t even know what that means.”

Customer: “Me neither!”

This Won’t Pan Out Well

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in right before closing time to pick up his pizzas.)

Customer: “I have a bit of an issue.”

Me: “What’s your issue?”

Customer: “We won’t be eating these pizzas for a couple of hours.”

Me: “Well, you can always reheat them in the oven.”

Customer: “I won’t be near an oven.”

Me: “Well, a microwave is not the preferred method, but it will work.”

Customer: “No, we’re going to be tailgating.”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you dude.”

Customer: “Crap. I thought you would have some sort of magical way to reheat them.”

When A Computer Is Not A Computer

| North Miami, FL, USA | Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I came into the store a few hours ago and bought a computer, but I think something is wrong with it.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Caller: “Well, it seems to turn on. The little light goes on and everything, but nothing comes up except ‘no signal’.”

Me: “Is this a desktop computer, or a notebook?”

Caller: “It’s one of the big screen ones. Not a laptop.”

Me: “Alright, it’s a desktop. Are you positive you followed all the directions in the manual and connected everything properly?”

Caller: “Huh? Why would I need to use the manual? It was pretty simple.”

Me: “Well, just to be sure, could you please check the manual and make sure everything is plugged in properly?”

Caller: “Well, there is one cord sitting there but I figured that it was the internet cable. We don’t have internet yet.”

Me: “Is the cord coming out of the monitor or the tower?”

Caller: “It’s not plugged into anything. The only thing I have plugged in is the computer into the wall.”

Me: “What about the monitor?”

Caller: “The what?”

Me: “The monitor, as in, the screen.”

Caller: “Right, the computer. Like I said, it’s plugged into the wall.”

Me: “Sir, let me get this straight. You have the screen plugged into the wall and nothing else?

Caller: “Right.”

Me: “And you didn’t buy anything else, right?”

Caller: “Right.”

Me: “Sir, you just bought the monitor. That isn’t the computer. That’s just the screen.”

Caller: “What are you talking about? Of course this is the computer! I’ve seen a whole bunch of computers before and they look just like this!”

Me: “Did all those computer have a big piece of machinery sitting near them?”

Caller: “Yeah, I guess. Why?

Me: “That would be the computer.”

Caller: “You’re joking, right?”

Me: “Nope. Sorry, sir.”

Caller: “Well d***. How much more does the rest cost?”

Me: “It depends how powerful you want it to be. You could get a low-end computer for about $300 to $400.”

Caller: “But, I already spent $150 on this thing!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. But if you want a computer you’ll, uh, need to buy the computer.”

Caller: “To h*** with all this! I’m not spending that kind of money! I’m never buying a computer again!”

Me: “Well, sir. You didn’t buy one in the first place.”

Caller: *click*