Fuming Over The Gas

| Finland | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working alone in a very crowded kiosk. A customer points at a soda refrigerator.)

Customer: “Can you tell me which ones do and don’t have gas in them?”

Me: “Gas?”

Customer: “Yes, gas! I want one without gas!

Me: “Oh, okay I think you mean carbona—”

Customer: “I mean gas! I don’t like it.”

Me: “Well I’m sorry to tell you this, but everything else except for regular spring water has ‘gas’ in them.”

(The customer keeps staring at the refrigerator quietly, then picks up one soda.)

Customer: “Does this one have gas in it?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “How about this one?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Hmmm. How about this one?”

Me: “Yes. As I said, only spring water doesn’t contain any gas. All the others do.”

Customer: “Well, I think I’ll take this one anyway and try out for myself.”

Me: “Okay, great, that’ll do two euros.”

(After about 10 minutes, the customer comes back.)

Customer: “MISS! IT DOES HAVE GAS IN IT!”

The Working Dead

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Zombies

(I am a cashier at a major supermarket. Two young men in their mid-twenties are nearby, arguing with each other about something.)

Guy #1: “Well, let’s just ask her.”

Guy #2: “No, we don’t need to ask anyone else!”

Guy #1: *to me* “Hi, can I just ask you a question?”

Guy #2: “No! Don’t ask her!”

Me: “Um… sure?”

Guy #1: “Okay, say there was a zombie apocalypse, where would you hide out? Here, or [Australia’s largest household hardware chain]?”

Me: “Um, probably here?”

Guy #1: “See? I told you!”

Guy #2: “But why? The [household hardware chain] has weapons and stuff, how are you going to fight the zombies without weapons?”

Me: “Well, our supermarket has food, you can’t survive without food. And it has weapons too! We have knives and garden tools.”

Guy #1: “Exactly!”

Guy #2: “But [hardware store] has food too! They have a canteen!”

Me: “But we have a better selection, and food can also be used as a weapon! Food fight!”

Guy #2: “I give up.”

Guy #1: “I like this girl. She’s smart! Come on, let’s ask somebody else.” *happily approaches next cashier*

Guy #2: *upset* “No! I give up! Please stop asking!”

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Hot Food Can Leave You Feeling Warm & Fuzzy

, | New Mexico, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Hall of Fame, Top

(I am working the closing shift at a popular fast food place. It is a few minutes to closing, and I am in a hurry to get everything cleaned so I could go home when a police officer walks in.)

Officer: *pulls out a note* “Um, you guys have baked potatoes, right?”

Me: “Yes sir, sour cream and chive, bacon and cheese, and chili and cheese.”

Officer: “The bacon and cheese, and a cheddar burger?”

Me: “No problem. Was there anything else for you tonight?”

Officer: “No, I think that’s it. It’s for a girl we just rescued. She got caught up in human trafficking and we wanted to get her something warm to eat.”

(Shocked, I finished ringing up his order. I immediately tracked down my manager and convinced him to ring it up as a manager meal, which is free. I also wrote a note that said good luck. The officer thanked me and left. A week later, I saw on the news that she made it home safe.)

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Reading Requires Reason

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a very busy college, with around 10,000 spread over three sites. During office hours, all calls divert to the main free-phone number, which just happens to be covered by me.)

Me: “Hello, [company name], how can I help?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to make a complaint. I sent an email around two weeks ago and still haven’t heard anything back!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Let me check the records and I’ll call you back in ten minutes.”

(I then check all emails from two weeks ago, then three weeks ago. No luck. When I look for one week ago, I find the enquiry and the reply, sent within three hours. I call the client back.)

Me: “Our records show that we responded within three hours of your enquiry. You may be looking to far down in your mailbox as the replay was sent one week ago, not two.”

Caller: “Well, I haven’t checked my email.”

Me: “Wait, if you haven’t checked your email, why have you called to complain?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t read my emails very often!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can only send the email, not make you read them.”

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A Few Petals Short Of A Flower

| USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I work in Parks and Recreation, and our very public number means that we get a lot of interesting phone calls. An older woman calls me. Please note that it takes her at least a minute to say each sentence.)

Me: “Parks and Rec, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to give you some ideas about going green.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, what can I do for you?”

Caller: “Petunias. The city needs more petunias. Petunias everywhere.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, that sounds like a great idea. Our horticulturists are always looking for feedback from citizens.”

Caller: “I’m not done. I want every household to get a basket of petunias, and if they let them die we need to punish them.”

Me: “Um—”

Caller: “We can make the ethnics do it. It will create responsibility for the drug-heads and the gangster children.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, if I can just—”

Caller: “The petunias need to be protected. We need to have petunia gardens everywhere to create responsibility! It wouldn’t be hard, just go down to the prisons and make the ethnics—”

Me: “Okay! Thanks for calling! Goodbye!”

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