He’s Furbious

| Right | January 21, 2014

A Whirlwind Romance

| Traverse City, MI, USA | Right | January 21, 2014

(I am talking to a guest who walked out of the dining room and came into the gift shop to look around.)

Me: “If you need anything or have any questions let me know.”

Guest: “Well I do have a question: are you single?”

Me: *hesitant* “Yes… Why?”

Guest: “Well, I have as son who just got a promotion and needs a girlfriend. I was wondering if you would marry him for his money, power, or love?”

Me: “I’d marry someone for love.”

Guest: “Good. I don’t want to introduce him to someone who is just after his money and power.”

Me: “Well, that’s good. Where does he work and what is his new position since he got his promotion?”

Guest: “He’s the head operator of the ’tilt-a-whirl’ at the fair!”

Me: *trying hard not to laugh* “Oh, well then, I’d marry him for his crazy amount of power!”

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It’s All Dutch To Me, Part 2

, | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Right | January 21, 2014

(I am traveling with a group from my American university for a conference, back when the Netherlands still used guilders as currency. At the time they were at about two to one dollar.)

Classmate: “Wow! Beer is so expensive here!”

Me: “Not really… they’re only three or four dollars each.”

Classmate: “But it says beer is $6!”

Me: “No, it’s 6 guilders. That’s the currency here. Remember when we changed our money?”

Classmate: “No. That must be in dollars.”

Me: “Why would it be in dollars? We’re in Amsterdam!”

Classmate: “But stuff was in dollars at the airport. And I don’t get why [American beer] is so expensive and the [Dutch beer] costs less.

Me: “Because they have to import the [American beer] from America.”

Classmate: “But it isn’t an import!”

Me: “We’re in AMSTERDAM now!”

(By now, the guy behind the bar is doing an increasingly bad job of hiding his laughter.)

Classmate: “Oh, my god. How will I order? I don’t speak… uh…”

Me: “—Dutch? I’ll do it. You go sit down.”

Me: *in English, to the bartender* “Two beers, please.”

(The bartender gets me the beers, but only charges me for one of them, and winks at me. I tip him well and go back to my classmate.)

Classmate: “Wow! I didn’t know you spoke the language!”

Me: “I’m a fast learner.”

Related:
It’s All Dutch To Me

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Putting A Bump On Their Hump Day

, | Sydney, Australia | Right | January 21, 2014

(We currently have a promotion for nine pieces of chicken for $9.95. This is only available on Tuesdays. This story occurs on a Wednesday afternoon. A car pulls up to drive thru window.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. Can I have the Tuesday special for $9.95?”

Me: “Erm… Today is Wednesday.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “I can’t sell you the $9.95 deal today.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it’s a special only for Tuesdays. Today is Wednesday.”

Customer: “But why can’t you do it for me?”

Me: “Because we can only do it on Tuesdays. That’s why it’s called the Tuesday special. We have another deal with ten pieces and two chips, that’s $19.95 though.”

Customer: “No, that’s too expensive. I don’t get why I can’t get a Tuesday special on a Wednesday!” *drives off*

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Making A Moat Point

| England, UK | Right | January 21, 2014

(I am a tour guide at a medieval castle. The moat to this particular castle was filled by diverting a channel of the river that runs directly past. We’re standing beside a large model of how the entire area looked in 1754 AD.)

Tourist: “So, ma’am, how did they fill the moat?”

Me: “Well as you can see here, a channel was dug to divert the water into the man-made moat.”

Tourist: “So, how did they FILL the moat?”

Me: “Um… With water from the river, flowing into the ditch. The ground could get pretty waterlogged but that worked as extra defense in times of siege.”

Tourist: “Yes, but how did they get the water from the river INTO the moat?”

Me: “Er… They used a bucket chain?”

Tourist: “Ahh, I see. Thanks!”

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