Doesn’t Bavaria With Distances

| Berlin, Germany | Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

Guest: “Hi. So, I am going to go to see Neuschwanstein the day after tomorrow; I am meeting a friend there.”

(Neuschwanstein Castle is 700 km, around 435 miles or at least a six-hour drive from Berlin. I assume he wants to leave Berlin and stay somewhere in Bavaria close to the castle.)

Me: “Great, they tell me it’s well worth the trip.”

Guest: “That’s what I heard. So, do you reckon I could be back here in time for the pub crawl?”

Me: “Um… no, I don’t think so, unfortunately. It’s 700 km from here.”

Guest: “Yeah. That’s only like 100 miles, right? I got a rental car. And you guys have the Autobahn, after all. I reckon it shouldn’t take me more than an hour one way!”

A Spirited Response

| Medicine Hat, AB, Canada | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I am working as a manager/bartender at a local club. It’s fairly slow, and a clearly drunk regular approaches to order.)

Customer: “I’ll get a tall ‘Paralyzer.'”

Me: “Sure thing! That will be $5.75.”

(I proceed to make the drink, take his payment, and continue doing my job. A few minutes later, he returns to the bar with the empty cup.)

Customer: “There was no alcohol in this! Make me another one on the house, you b****!”

Me: “Excuse me? You watched me make it, and drank it all. If you came back after a sip, maybe, but not when it’s empty, dude.”

(The customer’s intoxicated female friend approaches next to him.)

Friend: “You’re full of it. I was the manager here a month ago; you’re new and stupid. You tried to rip him off, so make a new one! F****** stupid w****!”

Me: “Listen up. One, you’re full of it. I’m the manager, and have been for the last year. You’ve never worked here. Second, I know for a fact you do nails for a living. If I had them done, ripped them off, and then said you didn’t do them, would you do them again for free? No. There was alcohol in that drink. Third, call me a f****** name again, and I’ll have you out of here so fast, your four-size-too-small miniskirt might actually squeeze away from your hippo thighs. Now, can I get you anything else, or are you good?”

(The owner laughed so hard she had to run to the bathroom. The customer’s friend ended up with a DUI that night. Talk about Karma!)

What A Knut

| Oxford, England, UK | Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I’m an IT tech, working on the computer in the tourist entrance to our college. As the college is rather old, and has featured in a certain series of wizard-based films, we have a lot of tour groups in the summer. I overhear this exchange between a tour guide and the tourist entrance manager.)

Guide: “Hi, I have a group of eleven people who’d like to look around. Can you tell me where the [wizard-film] was shot?

Manager: “Sure, it’s just around the corner, in the cloisters. Entry is £3 per person, unless they have university cards, or are seniors or students.”

Guide: “WHAT?! SINCE WHEN DID YOU START CHARGING? WE ONLY WANT TO SEE THE FILM LOCATION! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE CHARGING NOW! YOU’RE JUST GOUGING TOURISTS NOW YOU’RE FAMOUS! YOU NEVER CHARGED ME LAST YEAR!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir; we have always made a charge for vis—”

Guide: “THIS IS BULL-S***! I NEVER GOT CHARGED LAST YEAR! GET ME YOUR MANAGER, AND HE’LL TELL YOU THERE WAS NEVER A CHARGE!”

Manager: “I am the manager, sir, and as far as I am aware, we have always made a charge. If you like, I can look up when that was introduced for you, and see what it was then.”

Guide: “YOU DO THAT!”

(The manager comes inside, and goes through a long list of old ledgers on a shelf behind me. He takes the last one out to the guide.)

Manager: “Here we are sir. The earliest record of entry fees I have is for 1974. I can ring the archivist and see if she has any earlier records, if you wish.”

Guide: “…that won’t be necessary. £3 per person was it?”