If You Can’t Bring The Pizza To The Mountain…

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(Sometimes the customers that call are out of our delivery area. We have to find out which restaurant delivers to them.)

Me: “What are your major cross streets?”

Customer: “Federal and Quincy.”

Me: “Okay. That could be one of two stores. Are you North or South of Quincy Avenue?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Alright. Can you face Quincy from where you are standing?”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Are the mountains on your left or your right?”

Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”

Me: “Yeah. But are they to your left or right when facing Quincy?”

Customer: “They are in the west.”

Me: “The mountains are always in the west. If the mountains are to the east of you, you aren’t in Denver.”

Customer: “No. The mountains turn with me.”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”

Me: “Yeah, that would mean you’re in Denver. Now are they on your left or your right?”

Customer: “I’m telling you, the mountains are in the west!”

Me: “I’m not arguing the geography with you. I’m trying to find out where you are.”

Customer: ”Never mind, you’re an idiot.” *click*

It’s Not All Right

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(A confused man is looking through the golf balls in the bin.)

Me: “Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yes…how can you tell the difference between left-handed and right-handed balls?”

Working Drive-Thru Is A Scream

, | Bristow, VA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m working the drive-thru window.)

Me: “Hi, you had a number two with a coke. That’ll be $6.45.”

Customer: “Okay, sure.”

(She rummages in her wallet.)

Me: “Thanks.”

(I gather her change.)

Customer: *screaming in my face* “I’m paying! I’m paying!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I know you’re paying. I’m just getting your change. They’re bagging your order right now.”

Customer: “Okay, great.”

(There is a pause while I check her order. Suddenly, I hear her screaming.)

Me: *very concerned* “Ma’am? What’s wrong?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You screamed.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “You definitely did. The whole drive-thru staff heard you.”

Customer: “You’re mistaken.”

Me: “Okay then. Here’s your food. Number two with a soda. Can I get you any condiments?”

Customer: *screaming in my face* “I’m eating! I’m eating!”

Me: “So, no condiments?”

Customer: *bellowing* “Goodbye! GOODBYE!”

One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 3

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I think someone stole my identity!”

Me: “What happened?”

Caller: “I clicked on an email that said it from a girl named Chrisy from some dating site. I don’t go on those kinds of sites. But it came to me, so I’m not sure if this is a virus.”

Me: “Spammers can fake the recipient info. They can make it look like it’s coming from and going to anyone. Don’t worry.”

Caller: “But it says my name.”

Me: “Well, it’s a fairly common name. It was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Caller: “I guess. So, did I download a virus?”

Me: “Not likely, unless you clicked to the linked website or you opened an attachment. Did you do that?”

Caller: “No! I don’t do that! Can you come over and run my anti-virus checker just in case?”

Me: “I can connect remotely and run it, yes.”

Caller: “Thanks. I can never be too careful with these invisible Russian thugs.”

Related:
One Annoyed Paranoid, Part 2
One Annoyed Paranoid

A Whole New Grade Of Stupidity

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(An online math student is calling to complain about her grade. Her assignment was submitted three days late.)

Me: “The assignment was late by three days. The 30% late penalty cost you 18 points.”

Caller: “But it’s not right. 30% of 60 is not 18.”

Me: “Yes, it is. Think of it as three times six.”

Caller: *counting in a low voice* “Yeah, I guess it is. But the late penalty shouldn’t apply to me.”

Me: “Why is that?”

Caller: “Because I submitted the assignment BEFORE you graded it.”