Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop, Part 2

| CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Regular Customer: “I’ll have a toffee-hazelnut iced coffee, but can you make it decaf?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Switching to ‘D,’ then?”

Regular Customer: “Yeah, my doctor told me I should cut down on sugar, so I’m going with decaf!”

Me: “Um… there’s no sugar in regular or decaf coffee. But there is sugar in the two syrups I use to make that flavor; are you sure you want them?”

Regular Customer: “Oh yes, I’m not cutting out every bit of sugar! Just the caffeine sugars.”

Me: “There are zero calories, zero sugars in plain black coffee, either regular or decaf.”

Regular Customer: “Yeah, but my sister says she cut out iced coffee and she’s lost 20 pounds! I have to have my coffee, but I figured I could just do decaf instead.”

Me: “I can use sugar-free flavors for you if you’re trying to—”

Regular Customer: “No! I hate that fake stuff. Just the decaf iced coffee with toffee and hazelnut. Oh, and extra cream.”

Related:
Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

Red (Light) Flagged Caller

| Cork, Ireland | Hotels & Lodging, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work in one of several worldwide call-centers, taking new reservations and changes/requests to existing reservations with a major luxury hotel chain. Customers often think we are at the hotel they are calling, because we greet them using the hotel name.)

Me: “Good morning! Thank you for calling [hotel located in Amsterdam]. How may I help you today?”

Guest: “Hi. I have a reservation for next week for two nights in your hotel. I am flying in from New York and have a two-day layover there in Amsterdam, and I basically just have a few questions.”

Me: “Certainly, sir, I’ll answer those for you.”

Guest: “Okay. So, I have a room booked for myself for those two nights. Is the rate any different if someone else is staying in the room with me?”

Me: “No, not at all. Not unless you have booked a breakfast rate. If breakfast is included, the rate is €10 higher, if you are both having breakfast.”

Guest: “Okay good. They won’t be having breakfast.”

Me: “They? The room is a two-person maximum, sir. If you want more people in there, you have to book a larger room.”

Guest: “Well, that’s my second question: is it a problem if there are two different people joining me on the two different nights?”

Me: “Oh… no, as long as it just one on each night, then the rate is still the same. Do you have any other questions?”

Guest: “Yeah… how far are you guys from the red light district?”

Me: “Um… we are about half a mile away, sir.”

Guest: “And is it safe walking between the hotel and the district? You know where I am going with this right?”

Me: “Yes. I think I have pretty good idea, sir. There should be no issue walking between us and the district, sir. Otherwise our concierge can arrange a cab for you. Any further questions?”

Guest: “No, I think that’s all. Thank you so much for your help! Have a great day!”

(The call ends, and my coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “Another ‘John’ going to Amsterdam?”

Me: “Yup.”

Sautéed Transmogrified Beef

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Hello, [cafe], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, could you tell me what today’s special is?”

Me: “Today we have a lamb steak with rice and greek potatoes.”

Caller: “Is the lamb steak beef?”