Some People Aren’t Backward Compatible

| Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a public library. Patrons often ask us how to print from the computers.)

Patron: “I need to pay for my printing.”

Me: “Okay. When you hit the print button, how much did it say it was going to cost?”

Patron: “I did not hit the print button.”

Me: “What computer were you sitting at?”

Patron: *impatient* “I was not sitting at a computer. I am trying to print from the typewriter!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I am confused. You were not sitting at a computer, but at the typewriter? And you want to print what you typed?”

Patron: “This is ridiculous! I cannot believe you won’t help me!” *leaves*

Young (At Heart), Wild, And Free

| Seattle, WA, USA | Rude & Risque

(I am doing a pat down on an older woman in a wheelchair. As I clear each area, I’m letting the woman know that I am moving to a new area. Fairly quickly, it becomes obvious that the woman is intoxicated.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I’m going to clear your back now.”

Woman: *throws her arms out and says quite loudly* “Honey, I’m loaded! You can do whatever you want to me!”

Try Wallmart

| Queensland, Australia | Crazy Requests

(I work in the kitchen department of a furniture store.)

Customer: “This kitchen says $899.00. What do you get for that price?”

Me: “Well, miss, that price covers kitchen cabinets, a bench top, legs and handles, but not the sink, tap or appliances.”

Customer: “So, you get everything?”

Me: “Everything except the sink, tap, and appliances.”

Customer: “Oh, so you don’t get the sink, tap, or appliances, but everything else?”

Me: “Yep, everything else in that kitchen.”

Customer: “So, you get the wall?”

Me: “No…the wall is not included.”

Customer: “But it says everything except the sink, tap, and appliances. It doesn’t say you don’t get the wall.”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, I am confident that I cannot sell you our wall.”

Customer: “Are you sure? Can you check for me please? Can you just make sure because that’s not what it says.”

Me: *speechless* “I’ll get my manager.”

Manager: “No, ma’am, the walls are not included with the price of our kitchens. Otherwise, we could only sell four of them before we’d need to rebuild the entire store.”

Together And Equal

| Billings, MT, USA | At The Checkout, Top

(I am a cashier. Sometimes people will go through a checkout line sharing a cart. Two middle-aged women come through the line.)

Me: *pointing at their purchases* “Are you two together?”

(Woman #1 looks lovingly into Woman #2’s eyes and holds her hands.)

Woman #1: “Yes, we are…”

Woman #2: “Honey, I think she meant if we’re buying all this together.”

Woman #1: “Oh. No, we’re separate. Two transactions, please!”

How About Some Split Pee Soup

| San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

Customer: “I’d like a latrine!”

Me: “Oh, okay, the bathroom is just—”

Customer: “No! How much is a latrine?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, there’s no charge for using the—”

Customer: “No! Of soup! How much?”

Me: “OH! A tureen!”

Customer: “Yes, how much is a latrine of soup?”

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